Duskfall

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I don't know how long I stared at the sky. I was enjoying the cool breeze nang tumunog ang phone ko. It's Lucius who is calling. Tinitigan ko lang ang screen hanggang sa mag-end ang call.

Honestly, I don't have the confidence to answer his call nor talk to him. Magulo ang isip ko dahil kay Elio at sa mga sinabi ni Pandora. Ngayon pa lang nagsisink in sa akin ang lahat.

I trust Pandora, and there's no reason for her to lie. Base sa kwento niya, I cheated. I cheated to Lucius, to Elio, to people around me, to myself. I cant judge myself dahil hindi naman ako ang nasa ganoong kalagayan. Well, I did, pero hindi ko naman maalala ang experience na 'yun so I can't fully understand the situation. But it won't change the fact that I did cheat.

Wow. The image that I started to paint...it's bigger than I thought. Akala ko noon ay alam ko na ang tungkol sa sarili ko at sa mga tao sa paligid ko, hindi pa pala. There are new information that came in, at ang mga bagay na iyon ay mas malaki pa kaysa sa mga alam ko na.

Muling tumawag sa akin si Lucius makaraan ng ilang minuto pero hindi ko pa rin sinagot. He sent me a message, tinanong kung kamusta ako. I stared at his message, hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot. I'm obviously not fine pero kapag sinabi ko iyon ay magtatanong siya. I don't have the guts to tell him that I just found out that I had a boyfriend, and that's not him.

"Penny for your thought?"

Kaagad akong napatingin sa kanan ko bago tumingala. It's the man that I don't want to talk with right now.

"Why are you here?" Tanong ko.

He sat down on my right. He's on the other side of the bench chair. "I was driving nang makita ko kayo ni Dora so I pulled over. I was waiting for you to leave pero mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo, so I decided to stay around to watch over you. Baka may loko-lokong lumapit sa'yo at pagsamantalahan ka." Sabi niya.

I stared at him without a word for about a minute. Ginantihan naman niya ang tingin ko.

To be honest, he looks good. He looks a bit foreign. He is tall and lean. He has black hair and cream skin. He got this suave energy around him. If I'm not married and they introduced him to me first, I won't have an objection.

"You know that I'm married, right?" DIretsang tanong ko sa kanya.

Elio, who was equaling my gaze, averted his eyes. "Yes, unfortunately.

"Although I feel sorry for you, it won't change the fact that I'm a married woman now. I'm sorry for what I did before, but whatever it is between us, it already ended long time ago.

I saw his throat moving as he swallowed. "Alam ko, pero hindi ko tatanggapin ang apology mo. As long as you don't know me and what we had been, your sorry is meaningless."

"So what do you want? Because honestly, talking to you right now is a burden. I know it's harsh of me, but I don't want whatever we had interfere with what I have right now." Diretsong sabi ko.

Kaagad siyang tumingin sa akin. I can see behind his harsh gaze the pain that he's been trying to hide. "I want you to remember me, to remember all of our memories. At kapag naalala mo na ako, gusto kong sabihin mo sa akin kung bakit mo nagawa sa akin ito? Bakit mo ako niloko? Bakit mo ako iniwan? O m-minahal mo ba talaga ako?" His last words croaked. Ang kanyang mga mata ay unti-unting namasa dahil sa luha. But before it can fall ay kaagad siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at saka ito iniwasan.

"Wala kang responsibilidad sa akin pero sana...huwag mo akong itaboy. I want to see if the choice you made was worth it, na masaya ka na. And maybe, it will help me move on. Dahil sa totoo lang? Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula."