Inner voice

Did you even love me?

I can't say I hate you cause I would be lying but there is no denying the fact our love is simply dying. From talking every day to you just walking away. What happened? What did I do? I have no clue. I loved you man and I truly don't understand why won't you just take my hand. You loved me I know you did or was it all just a game just a way to blame my name? Was I just a play, another way for you to display?  Was it that easy to replace me, erase me, hey FACE ME! Don't look away while I try to fucking obey. I gave you everything and now you're leaving? Now they all love you right? Now you're the guy that everybody wants? Who would love you if you were on the floor again? Drowning in tears that your own eyes shed? Would they love you then? Would they? You can't answer that? Sure thing you can. They leave. You know it but so do I. Cause we are just two people with broken hearts. Do you try to hide the pain by what smoking it away? You try to act like you don't care so maybe your heart would be spared but the truth is you're broken, but so am I. It's not fair that you can be so unaware, unaware of the stare and scare that you put onto people who truly care. It's the way there are words in my mouth trying to get out, there are tears in my eyes ready to flow out, but I remain silent. I try to cope with the pain but you just won't stop breaking me. Why don't you just leave? One day you want me one day you don't and it's hard even to keep up. I gave up so much stuff trying to prove to you my goddamn love for what?! For you to ignore me and pretend like we were nothing? For you to shatter my heart? I keep telling myself it's worth it but is it really? The memories are still living, living in my head living in the moment you took my hand, in the moment you smiled so purely yet so fake. Were you playing me all along or were you just misunderstood? Trying not to be shaken? And I know I do I know you're broken too. So please let me in I am still here knocking. Let me in your heart I promise to not let it fall apart. I pleaded so many times but today, I'm done. I gave you my trust when you didn't deserve it neither did you observe it. I gave you love when you were treating me like shit so fuck off you and your new bitch. Go ahead have fun smoke all the weed you can but don't come crying when you get broken once again. I offered you all I had if it isn't enough fine go find it somewhere else. I am done begging and pleading crying and breaking over you all the time it's all the same. So the only question there is do you still love me? After everything you did, after acting like a kid, after being filled with hate and other things? Do you still love me? Was it ever even real that's all I need to hear. So please answer me, why do you hate me? Ignore me? Treat me like shit? Did you ever even love me?