Inner voice

Leave

I watch my father make out with this girl and all I see is passions passion that he shouldn't know. He never kissed my mother the way he kissed her, he never sang, he never held, he never even cared for her. He always complained how she's always in the wrong but now he admits his mistakes for some other hoe. I watch them as they laugh and take pictures of themselves and I remember my mother and the way she used to beg, beg for the picture just a small one yet, you complained saying that is bullshit how is this even fair. And now, now I can watch my fucking dad touch someone else's breasts, I see my sisters watch in tears, I see disgust they see fear. I see lust that's all there is. Lust for pictures, lust for sex, lust for touch, lust for anything else but trust. They don't trust, they don't even care, they stare at the screen feeling nothing but despair. I hate it the way he can love her but not me, hate it how he can be so mean, hate it the fact he chose her, some random girl over someone he used to know. Over his family, over his friends, over me, over defence. He chose her over and over again and all I can do is stare. I watched it over and over again hearing noises of kissing, and the lies he would tell, yet I sought the truth. Why? Why did you? How? How could you? Look at another one without seeing her, smile at another one without hearing her words. How could abandon us? How could you just leave, choose someone else over your damn family? Now you scream at your kids but speak kindly to hers? Now you choose them to be fucking first? All this money and glam but inside you're fucking dead, looking ahead but not thinking about anyone else but yourself. How can you look into my own eyes and lie? Say you love me but you don't fight, say you care but you leave every time, say you're proud but only ever complain, say I'm the priority then just spit in my face. You chose her over me and for that, there is no apology. You chose her over and over again so I'm leaving don't you dare come back. And maybe once, just once you'll think damn I lost fucking everything, but you already lost me so fuck you, leave!