Sorry, Not Sorry

-3

God, our groups a mess, and I did go somewhat nonverbal in the last half, but I still couldn't pass up Kitty's offer to go to her house after, to hang out some more.

Like I couldn't pass up. She wouldn't let me.

I'm usually better during the night times, anyway.

-

Kitty's car pulls up to her house, Danny and I in the back, Max in the passenger.

It's a small Queenslander, with intricate carved white fences and a carefully groomed rose garden. Danny must notice me looking at the roses, because he appears over my shoulder. "Those are my roses there." He says.

"Really?" I ask, leaning closer to look at the pink flowers.

"Yep. Unsuspected, am I right!" He says proudly, puffing up his chest.

I look him up and down. "I see it."

He chuckles. "Thank you."

We walk up the three stairs onto the front porch, which wraps around the sides of the house too. There's a table with four seats , and Kitty ushers us boys to sit down. Kitty notices me looking around, and sits next to us, after unlocking the door and opening it. "This is our main hangout spot, Xavier." She explains. "Max and Danny live down the street, so this is usually our place. There's a basketball hoop down the corner for Max, and a creek out the back of the property, and all the houses are pretty far apart." She says.

The houses are far, maybe half a kilometre away, and that area is filled with bushland or grass. It's much farther than the distance between the houses further in town, where I am.

"I'd always wanted a house like this as a child." I explain to Kitty, since Max and Danny are wrapped up in their own conversation. "Surrounded by nature and stuff." A magpie warbles above, proving my point. She smiles.

"Are you going to stay for dinner, Xavier?"
I think for a second, scratching my neck.

"I'll have to walk home so-"

"Don't you live on the other side of town?" She asks, scratching her arm where a Mozzy bit her. "You really think I'll let you walk? I'll drive you."

"It's fine, really." I say.

"Nope, not happening. What if you fall and die on the way back?" My heartbeat fastens. yeah what if I do? What if I starve on the walk since I haven't eaten since breakfast.

She sighs. "You're staying here, and your eating dinner with us, okay? My... roommate won't be back until tomorrow, so it's just us four."

Max turns to face Kitty. "Can we get inside? These bugs are killing me. Also- Sausages for dinner?" he asks.

"Hell yeah." She says. "I'll get the barbecue running." We all stand, tucking our chairs in, before filtering inside.

-

The sausages (With onion, cheese and tomato sauce, if course.) are the most gorgeous thing I've ever tasted, though I don't show, since Max was the one who made them.

Max side eyes me, "What about you Xavier, what do you think of them?"

I finish my bite, wiping sauce off my chin. "Reminds me of Bunnings."

He gasps, mocking surprise. "My Sausage is not comparable to Bunnings!" He says with fake distain in his voice, "I mean..." taking a bite, "These are heaven." He chews.

I chuckles and Max smiles at me. Kitty hits his arm. "Gross Max! Close your mouth while you eat!" She scolds him with a smile.

I'd like our friendship -all of us- to stay the same tomorrow, but I know that my anger issues and anxiety won't make that easy. I'll blow up, one day or another, and it'll all be ruined.

Eventually, after we'd all settled down in the couch to watch Bluey (and discuss the political elements of adults loving a kids show so much), Crickets chirping outside, I announce I should probably be heading out. Kitty stands with a yawn, but Max pulls her back into the couch. "Kitty, you're tired. I'll take Xavier back."

Max walks over to his house and picks up his car as we all say our goodbyes. He honks and I rush out to the front, getting in the passenger seat of his car. It's tall- some kind of Toyota- and black. I buckle my seat belt in, and he sets off. "Where am I dropping you off?"

I'm not keen on Max knowing where I live so I tell him the bus stop on Craig Street, A five minute walk from my house.

The rest of the car ride is silent and I feel really awkward. Max coughs, "I'm sorry for the first impression this morning." He says.

"Oh." I say, "I'd honestly forgotten about it." I pause. "I get angry really easily, so I'm sorry if that happens again."

"No, it's my fault I was provoking you."

Anger bubbles in my throat- again, for no reason- as he pulls up next to the bus stop.
"I don't know why people do that- insist that they're wrong." I mutter Though I see why others might find it charming. I unbuckle my seat belt and slide out of the car, standing outside the door. "Thanks for dropping me off." I say quietly.

"No problem." He says, as I close the door. I start my short walk, and a can feel him watching me walk away. I only hear his car pull away once I've turned the corner onto my road.

-

I knock on the door, praying my mother is still awake, after realising I left my keys at home. I sink down to the ground, my back against the door, but it opens and I fall backwards.

"Hey, sweet." Mum says.

My mum's name is Tanya, and she means the world to me. She picked me when absolutely no one else wanted the kid with anger issues.

 Originally, Tanya had wanted to adopt me- but her boyfriend at the time wasn't ready for commitment and so they agreed to foster me- for six months only. Somewhere in those six months, she and him broke up, and Tanya decided to adopt me anyway.

She's the best person I've ever met. She's a retired therapist- turned volunteer at RSPCA or any local thrift stores. She has skin slightly darker than mine and dark brown, curly hair which went down to her lower back. She's vegetarian- because she's allergic to red meat . If you looked at the two of us side by side, you'd probably assume she was my Bio mum.

She was the perfect adult figure I needed in my life, considering she has a psych PHD, and I was a mentally challenged little boy who no one wanted to help- she gave me all the resources I needed today to manage my own brain.

"What are you doing on the floor?" She asks with a chuckle.

-