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𝟯𝟲

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐈𝐗

whispered nothings

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( warning : this chapter contains themes of violence, assault and major injury along with other potential triggering factors )

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘... Cherishing someone so deeply. Such emotions had never applied to me, these emotions far different from those that I were used to.

Being a magician has taught me many things; it has taught me how to become a professional at masking any potential vulnerable emotions that may taint my heart in various different ways. It has taught me how to keep up a facade built on lies, my mere existence only that of a performance. It has taught me how to suppress my true thoughts and feelings down into a top hat, never to be seen again.

At least, that is what I had initially thought.

Ever since having the Archons above bless me by being able to be graced by Y/N's sheer presence alone, I haven't been able to keep up these walls that towered over me — these walls that I had built around myself over the years, utterly terrified of showing a slither of vulnerability.

Yet... When I am around them, the world becomes quiet — silent, even. My eyes are only able to focus on them and them alone, my vision dismissing anything else that isn't their familiar figure. The outside world is quick to become irrelevant, and I find my mind constantly being tormented by thoughts of them. I cannot find it within myself to complain about this factor, though. In fact, it's rather pleasant to have such a beauty caressing my thoughts each day.

Thinking about it now, these sudden rush of emotions I feel whenever they are simply near are utterly foreign to me. I have never enjoyed anyone's company as much as I enjoy theirs, and it feels as if part of me is torn away whenever we have to part ways.

I remember not too long ago being utterly terrified about pulling down the curtains of my facade, too afraid to face Y/N's disgusted expression when they were to hear how terrible of a person I truly was. I layed awake most nights, dreading their reaction, a familiar anxiousness dipped in fear tormenting my mind.

In some ways, I feel as if I have grown accustomed to having them in my life. They've successfully weaved their way into my heart, creating a home for themselves in the process. They have become part of my daily routine and I want nothing more than for this to continue. I want to be able to greet them every morning and I want to be able to wish them a pleasant evening when the moon makes her grand appearance. I want to be able to hold them in my arms daily, even if only for a few seconds, to ensure that they really are still present in my life.

I didn't think anything good would come out of them getting to know me. When Father initially asked for my siblings and I to keep tabs on them for a few months, I was solely focused on that particular task and that task only. However, as time went on, I couldn't help but to become more intruged by them. I found myself falling into a strange pit that I was unable to climb out from. I enjoyed working beside them, I enjoyed learning various things about them, I enjoyed the subtle glances we would often share with each other. It was as if we were constantly in a world of our own, and the feeling was nothing short of euphoric.