Cruel love

Chapter 46 Barbara

Days turned into months and months turned years we met each other in the dark away from everybody's eyes.
We always come to each other to leave each other.

The cycle of meeting and leaving was like a punch to the wall of my heart cracking it every time and his too, well he didn't say that but I could see it in his eyes. Every time when we left each other to be. I can see pain in his eyes too. I can see how hard it is for him too.

I graduated from my college with my business degree. I help Arkadi with the legal businesses. He likes that I help him. He says I lessen his burden. He tries so hard to set me up with Nikolai again now that I have graduated. I always turn it off. I told him I don't want to get married. He was not happy about it, but he didn't force me.
Although he gave me a year to do whatever I wanted then he told me I have to get married no questions asked.

Nikolai has also become a good friend. He is smart and funny and kind. We keep on meeting each other because of business.

Enzo is not very happy about our friendship. I told him there is nothing to upset his mood over it, but he wouldn't listen. He is a jealous bastard after all. I like it too, his possessiveness I mean.

Lily and Liam are little grown up too. Lily is growing so tall that Liam appears a little shorter in front of her. But in a few years Liam will catch up I am sure.
Lily's love for fairytales has been gone now. She is into gymnastics and takes extra classes for it. She is into Coldplay, Sabrina carpenter and Harry styles now. Liam on the other hand is a rap music fan. He would listen to Eminem, drake, Kendrick Lamar and j Cole, all day. He is now in his school football team.

Susan and I are still in touch. She is my bestfriend. We don't meet daily now but try to meet twice in a month. She has a job now, which keep her busy most of times. I remain busy too Arkadi apparently has a lot of businesses that are legal too. I have told her I got a job in one of it. I still hadn't told her about me being the daughter of Pakhan and secret lover of Capo.

I just don't want to loose her to the chaos of mafia world. She is too special for me. I love being with her. Talking to her or even spending time with her makes me forget all my problems, all the fu*ked up things happening in my life. She makes me feel like a normal 22 year old girl.

Arkadi or father and I got close to each other not in a conventional father daughter way but in respectful friendly way. Sometimes I feel bad for him and my mother. They loved eachother too but lost eachother to this world.

Sometimes I wonder if Arkadi would ever accept me and Enzo as a couple. He didn't fight for his love, he choose to be apart from mom rather than before with her. When they even got together they had me and then parted their ways. If he didn't fight for his love would he be able to accept mine.

Enzo had grown more intense, but I can't blame him. This world is so dark anyone could loose their sanity being a part of it. We won't even meet for months sometime and when we meet he is more darker.

I just want to be there for him, help him to fight his demons. Shower my love to him and just be there help him to get out of this darkness he is being sunk into everyday. He works so hard, so fu*king hard. It's not easy to be a capo. He also has to work extra for us, for our future together. Russian Bratva and Italian mafia are enemies probably since they existed. For us to be together without a war is not a esy thing.

Sometimes I hate the situation that I am in so much. I want to help him but there isn't much that I can do.

Sometimes our future together seems so blurred out that I cry even thinking about it. I can't give up Enzo, I have tried doing it in the past so many times but failed in every attempt. I love him, I love him so much. I can't even think of being with someone other than him.

But I believe in us. I hope for a future together. Sometimes I hope for both of us. I have to see him loosing his hope, going to darkness. I can see his soul chipping away every day, so I try to be his ray of sun in the darkness.