Cruel love

Chapter 40 Barbara

"Are you planning to marry me?"
I spoke immediately as I entered the office.

Arkadi peered up at me, a bunch of files lying on his desk.
"I am looking for someone good enough for you, so yes. But I am not going to force you into a reunion unless you want to." He said in a low frustrated voice.

I stared at him for a moment. Try to put my anger at ease. I mean he might be my biological father but he doesn't know me at all. I might be living with him now but our relationship is not like a typical father daughter. He didn't even try to communicate with me until I was nineteen. He has no right to make this decision for me.
"You have no right to make this decision for me without even talking to me".

He sighed.
"I know I should have talked to you first, but I haven't looked for someone yet. Also nobody knew my daughter, everybody thought I don't have a child for all these years. So it's not like I will find someone early. I wanted to come to you with a suitable match."

"I don't want to get married".
I said simply without any excuse.
Arkadi looked at me, eyes blank.

"Maybe not now but in a few years, it's not like I am planning to marry you off tomorrow".
He said in annoyance.

"I don't want to get married ever".
I rephrase my sentence to be more clear this time.

Arkadi laughed darkly, it was humourless.
"Things don't work like this in our world. You could complete your college and work maybe if you like. But you will have to marry after your college and it's not a choice, it's the only option. I won't force you to marry someone you don't want to, but you will marry.
With your beauty and as the daughter of Pakhan you will have so many top bachelors our society has to offer to your feet".

I wanted to scream at him, tell him I don't want any of those because all I want is Enzo.
But I couldn't he is Pakhan and as his daughter I will be married to a Russian mafia preferably. Just like the Italian mafia don't marry outside their society, the Russians won't either.
I hated it. I just wanted to be left alone,if I can't marry Enzo, if I can't have him in any way. I just don't want anyone.
But both of our society is so orthodox, they would never accept our union and they never even accept me not getting married.
Frustrated with the society's stupid norm I gave Arkadi a nod and left his office.
I Don't want to be there a single second more and talk about marriage.

I walked towards my room to take a nap.
I am so tired of everything.
But then Arkadi was nice enough to send me to college, there are not many in the mafia world who are allowed to do so.
He gave me a choice to have a say in marriage whereas many were not even asked and married straight away to monsters selected by their father.
So I guess I am luckier, if not the luckiest.

                     1 WEEK LATER

I was living my life as usual. Trying to live my life fullest with this caged freedom.

Enzo usually comes in my college parking lot and he sometimes kisses me and fingers me till a violent orgasm.
I wanted him to stop because it's so wrong considering our condition but he wouldn't listen and I also didn't want him to stop.

He is the only man I ever loved. He is love of my life staying away from him is like a punishment which I am unable to fulfill although I thought I could. But every time he gives me an orgasm I tell him I hate him so much and his eyes are dark with lust but don't have warmth for me.

We are just having this physical connection, not more than that, just orgasm. Well technically I get an orgasm and he leaves with a bonner, he didn't allow me to touch him. Whenever I try to slide my hands towards his bulge he always stops me. We don't even talk or anything. Only I made the noise of tortured whimpers and moans and he met my gaze with hate. He doesn't tell me he hates me like I do but I can feel it in his eyes.

And God it hurts. It always breaks my heart when I search in his eyes for love and warmth that was once there for me and is not there anymore. His eyes are dark, cold and filled with hatred there isn't a flicker of love in it. The eyes that were once filled with so much warmth are cold. And it breaks my heart more everyday. I always cry myself to sleep remembering them.

I hate it, I hate everything so much, I hate how I break his heart, I hate the situation that we are in, I hate him because I can't hate him no matter how hard I try, most importantly I hate myself for bringing out this cold and detached Enzo.