Vrixian: The Missing Piece

Chapter 9: Conflicted Feelings

Since Vrix found out that Christian has a girlfriend, he can no longer stop his behavior from changing. He knows it's not normal; he knows where this kind of attitude came from, but he couldn't shake it off. Inside him, there was the desire to be close to Christian again. Ganoon pa man, tuwing naiisip niya na may iba itong kasama, hindi niya maiwasang magalit at magdamdam. He has been looking for Christian for a long time, and he never thought that now that he has found Christian, what he is afraid of is what he has to face. Parang may kumukurot sa kaniyang puso, at hindi niya alam kung paano ito haharapin.

After all, this is his first time feeling like this for a long time.

Minsan, masaya at magaan ang loob ni Vrix kapag magkasama sila niChristian. Nariyan ang mga ngiti, tawa, at simpleng biruan na para bang walang nagbago sa mahabang panahon na hindi sila nagkita, para bang hindi nawala ang memory ani Christian. Ganoon pa man, may mga araw din naman na bigla na lamang siyang nagiging irritable.

Sometimes, she was silent while with Christian, like walking on eggshells, afraid of breaking anything. Sometimes it's just small things that cause him to raise his voice or speak hurtfully, which surprises Christian.

Samantala, si Christian naman, kahit na nahahalata na niya ang ilan sa pagbabago sa ugali ni Vrix, ay naguguluhan pa rin siya. Alam niya na minsan dahil lamang ito sa pagod ngunit napapadalas na rin kasi ang mood swing ni Vrix. He doesn't know what he did wrong or if he said something he shouldn't have said.

Did he feel too close just because she agreed to call him by his name? Christian doesn't know what to do. Minsan, pakiramdam niya ay gusto siyang iwasan ni Vrix, pero sa ibang pagkakataon naman, nararamdaman naman niya ang pagkalinga at concern nito.

Since Christian couldn’t contain himself anymore, he reached out first. Dahil sa nakita niyang wala sa mood si Vrix, hindi niya ito tinawag sa pangalan lamang. “Sir Vrix.” Napalunok ng laway Si Christian nang makita niya na wala talaga sa mood si Vrix. Hindi niya alam kung dapat pa ba niya ituloy ang sasabihin niya lalo pa at lumaki pa ang kunot sa noo nito. "Okay, ka lang po ba? ”Minsan tanong ni Christian habang magkasama sila sa opisina.

Halata na nag-aalala si Christian habang magkasama sila sa opisina. Hindi alam ni Christian ang gagawi niya. Pakiramdam niya ay mawawalan siya ng hininga sa mga oras na ito. Lalo na at ramdam na ramdama niya ang malamig na trato sa kaniya ni Vrix.

Did he make a mistake? Did he do something he doesn’t like? Marami nang pumapasok sa kaniyang isipan na what ifs ngunit kahit na ilang beses niya ibato ito sa kaniyang sarili, hindi niya ito masagot.

“Oo naman. Bakit mo naitanong? ”Tugon ni Vrix, halatang hindi siya komportable. Hindi rin niya kayang tingnan si Christian ang deretso sa mga mata.

For some unknown reason, Christian felt a pinch in his heart. He didn't understand it, so he ignored it.

Christian took a deep breath. "You seem to be thinking about something. Maybe I did something wrong," Christian worried.

He could no longer hide his worry.

"Nothing, nothing." Vrix is still shaking his head as he says this, but Christian doesn't believe it. "You must be overthinking too much," answered Vrix, but inside him, there was a strong doubt.

In the days that followed, Vrix continued to struggle. He can't really understand himself anymore. Whenever he sees Christian happy or busy at work, he likes to approach him and say hello, but whenever he remembers that he loves someone else, she suddenly gets angry and loses his will.

Isang gabi, inis na tinawagan niya si Ben at inayang makipag-inuman. Alam naman kaagad ni Ben na mayroon na naman itong sasabihin kaya naman pumunta ito. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay nag-open na rin nama siya sa kaibigan.

Kailangan niyang mailabas ang bigat sa kanyang dibdib dahil ito ang unang beses na naging ganito siya.

“Ben,” tawag ni Vrix at tininan lamang siya ni Ben upang magpatuloy sa pagsalita. “Alam mo ba? Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko,” panimula ni Vrix habang hawak ang baso na may whiskey.

Tumaas ang kilay ni Ben. “Hindi ko rin alam ang problema mo. Bakit hindi mo sabihin? ”Nilagay naman niya ang baso sa mesa at binato naman siya ni Vrix ng kitchen tissue na binili niya online from the friend of his friend.

Natawa naman si Ben at hindi lamang siya pinansin ni Vrix. “Nalaman ko kasi na may girlfriend si Christian.” Pinaglaruan naman ni Vrix ang kaniyang whiskey sa baso. "Ever since I found out, I don't know how to deal with him. Sometimes, I want to approach him, but when I think that he's with someone else, I can't help but get angry," Vrix said, clearly upset. Vrix also couldn't help but tighten his grip on the glass.

"So what? What's your plan?" Ben said calmly. "Are you going to talk to him about this or what?" Ben asked seriously.

Napakamot ng batok si Vrix. “Hindi ko alam, Ben.” He leaned back. "Because it's hard. I want to be with us, but it's like it's hard when you're jealous. He can't even remember me, and then this is what's happening," Vrix answered while spinning the glass in his hands.

"You know, Vrix, you really just have to make up your mind." Ben looked seriously at Vrix, knowing that this was the first time his friend had been like this. "You can't always be like this. I can see how you're struggling, yes, but it's only going to get harder if you don't find a way to fix it," Ben advised as he looked away.

“Paano kung—” nagsisimula si Vrix, pero tinigil siya ni Ben.

Nilagyan ni Ben ng pinya ang bibig ni Vrix. “Huwag mong isipin ang ‘paano kung’. Focus ka sa kung ano ang nararamdaman mo ngayon. Kung gusto mo siyang makasama, kailangan mong matutunang harapin ang selos mo.” Nilagay naman ni Ben ang plato na mayroong mga pinya sa harapan ng kaibigan. "But if you think you can't, maybe it's better to just stay away from him," Ben advised as he looked seriously at Vrix.

Napabuntong hininga si Vrix. Alam niyang tama si Ben, pero hindi ganoon kadali iyon. Ito ang unang beses na nangyari ito sa kaniya, kaya naman hindi niya masyadong maintindihan.

He also can't just let go of Chrisitan, but the jealousy he feels is what prevents him from being true to his feelings.

"You know, Ben, sometimes I think of just telling Christian the truth. But I'm afraid. What if we just ruin what we have now? We just met again; I don't want to ruin what we have. He won't remember me because if he lost his memory then I'll destroy what we have. I'm afraid, what if our relationship is destroyed even more?" Vrix asked as he calmed himself down.

"Vrix, you never know if you don't try." Ben took a quick drink and then continued, "But there's only one thing I'm sure of... you can't go on like this. You need to make a decision," Ben said full of understanding.

Napaisip si Vrix at alam niya na tama si Ben. Hindi pwedeng magpatuloy ang ganitong sitwasyon. Kailangan niyang magdeisyon. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, nanatili pa rin ang pag-aalinlangan sa kaniyang puso.