Chasing Shadows

Chapter Twenty-four: Fractured Reflections

“Focus, Ethan.”

Asher’s voice was firm, cutting through the night air like a blade. Ethan gritted his teeth, squaring his shoulders as he took in the scene before them—a group of petty criminals looting an abandoned warehouse. It should have been easy. Routine, even.

But tonight, everything felt… off.

“Got it,” Ethan muttered, though his voice lacked conviction. He forced himself to move, to slip into the shadows the way he’d been trained to. Quick, precise, silent. Just as Asher had taught him.

He could feel Asher’s eyes on him, assessing his every movement, waiting for the moment when Ethan would inevitably slip. For weeks now, Ethan had been pushing himself harder, trying to drown out the thoughts, the memories of—

No. Focus.

Ethan’s hands moved on autopilot, disarming the closest thug with a swift twist of the wrist. The man grunted, falling to the ground, and Ethan barely registered the sound before he turned to face the next one. Asher wasn’t far behind, handling the other criminals with a practiced ease that Ethan envied.

A few minutes later, it was over. The thugs lay groaning on the ground, hands bound, waiting for the authorities to arrive. Asher glanced around, giving a curt nod of approval.

“Good job,” he said, his voice neutral. But Ethan didn’t feel a sense of accomplishment. He felt… empty. Like he’d gone through the motions without really being there.

“Yeah. Great,” Ethan mumbled, running a hand through his sweat-dampened hair.

Asher’s gaze narrowed, studying him intently. “Something on your mind, kid?”

Ethan tensed, not wanting to have this conversation. Not now, not ever. But he knew Asher wouldn’t let it go. His mentor had a way of zeroing in on every crack in Ethan’s armor, every flicker of doubt or hesitation.

“Just… tired, I guess,” Ethan admitted reluctantly.

“Tired,” Asher echoed, his voice carrying a hint of skepticism. “Or burned out?”

Ethan didn’t answer right away. He glanced around the warehouse, taking in the faces of the unconscious men they’d taken down. They were nobodies—small-time criminals, probably just trying to get by. And yet here he was, still fighting, still trying to make a difference when the lines of good and bad felt blurrier than ever.

“I don’t know,” Ethan said finally, his voice low. “It’s like… I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, but it’s not enough. No matter what I do, it doesn’t change anything.”

Asher sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “This is what happens when you put too much pressure on yourself, Ethan. You’re trying to save the whole damn city single-handedly. You need to take a step back, give yourself a break.”

“A break?” Ethan repeated incredulously. “How can I take a break when—”

“When what?” Asher interrupted, his gaze hardening. “When you think you’re the only one who can fix everything? Newsflash, kid: you’re not. This job isn’t about immediate results. It’s about consistency. Persistence. One step at a time.”

Ethan shook his head, frustration bubbling up inside him. “You don’t get it, Asher. I’ve been doing this for years. And what has it changed? The city’s still a mess. People still get hurt. I still—”

Still see Zane everywhere I go.

The thought struck him like a blow, and Ethan’s breath caught. He’d been avoiding the truth for weeks, burying it beneath his duties, his responsibilities. But no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Zane was always there. In every shadow, in every unspoken thought.

“You still what?” Asher asked quietly, his gaze softening.

Ethan swallowed hard, his throat tight. “I still feel like I’m running in circles,” he admitted, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Like I’m trying to outrun something I can’t get away from.”

Asher’s expression shifted, a mix of understanding and concern. He stepped closer, lowering his voice. “You’re not going to find answers out here, Ethan. Not like this. Sometimes… sometimes you have to face what you’re running from head-on. Even if it’s painful.”

Ethan flinched, looking away. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Asher insisted, his tone firm but not unkind. “But it’s your choice. Just know that pushing yourself to the breaking point isn’t going to solve anything. You’re doing good work, but you need to give yourself permission to feel, Ethan. To be human.”

“Being human gets people hurt,” Ethan said bitterly. “It got me hurt.”

“Yeah, it did,” Asher agreed quietly. “But it also made you who you are. The hero people look up to. The one who doesn’t give up, no matter how many times he gets knocked down.”

Ethan’s jaw clenched. He knew Asher was trying to help, but the words felt hollow. He didn’t feel like a hero. He felt like a fraud—someone pretending to have it all together when, in reality, he was unraveling more with each passing day.

“What if…” Ethan hesitated, the words catching in his throat. “What if I can’t keep going? What if I end up hating this—hating myself—for the rest of my life?”

Asher’s expression softened, a shadow of sadness flickering across his face. “Then you need to decide what’s more important: the city, or your own well-being. No one’s asking you to sacrifice yourself for this job, Ethan. That’s a choice you’re making. But you can also choose to step back. To take care of yourself.”

Ethan stared at him, disbelief mingling with anger. “You’re telling me to quit?”

“No,” Asher said gently. “I’m telling you to find your own way. To figure out what it is you really want—need—before it eats you alive.”

Ethan didn’t respond. He couldn’t. Because deep down, he knew Asher was right. But the thought of stepping back, of walking away… it felt like giving up. Like failing.

And he couldn’t afford to fail.

“Let’s get out of here,” Asher said, clapping him on the shoulder. “We’re done for tonight.”

Ethan nodded numbly, following Asher out of the warehouse. His thoughts churned, tangled and confused, each one more suffocating than the last. The idea of stopping—of admitting he couldn’t handle it—felt like a betrayal to everything he’d fought for.

But as they stepped out into the cool night air, Ethan couldn’t shake the feeling that he was already betraying himself.

---

The next day, Ethan tried to push through. He threw himself back into patrols, training sessions, anything that would keep his mind occupied. But no matter what he did, the emptiness persisted, gnawing at him with every move he made.

Asher kept his distance, watching him with a wary eye, but not intervening. Maybe he thought Ethan would come to his senses, that he’d figure it out on his own.

But Ethan didn’t.

Each day blurred into the next, the exhaustion growing heavier, the bitterness deeper. The fights felt meaningless, the victories hollow. It was as if he were moving through a haze, disconnected from everything around him.

Weeks passed like this, until one evening, Ethan stood on a rooftop, staring down at the city below. The lights shimmered in the darkness, a million tiny pinpricks of life.

And for the first time, Ethan felt… nothing.

No sense of purpose. No drive. Just a hollow ache where his heart used to be.

“Is this it?” he whispered to himself, the words lost in the wind. “Is this what it means to be a hero?”

There was no answer. Only the distant sound of sirens, the city’s chaos continuing without pause.

And in that moment, Ethan realized the truth.

He was already broken.

And no amount of fighting could fix it.