Sorry, Not Sorry

-17

"I know you told me not to worry, but I can't help it." I whisper, pulling him closer in the hug. He seems kinda shocked but eventually wraps his arms around my back. The knees of his black jeans- why he's wearing jeans in this heat I don't know.- will have dusty grey dirt on them when he stands up, but he doesn't see to care. His hair got tangled in my fingers some how and so I pull them out. "I'm so fucking stupid, Xavier."

"Huh? What's wrong?" I question. "Was it bad?"

"Wait, first of all, what are you doing out here?" Max says, using a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked up through the branches of the tree.

"Locked myself out." I shrug.

Max shakes his head. "Okay, so." He sits down next to me at the base of the tree. "Yeah it's pretty important. I mean, I haven't seen her in a while." He shrugs. "It's like me finally talking it out with you made her suddenly appear."

"Was it... Okay? She didn't say anything?

He raises his hands. "Quite the opposite. She sat me down and told me she and my father had divorced, and she was ready to make it up to me. It'll take a while to trust her again but, Y'know..."

"If she breaks your heart I'll destroy hers." I say, poking his chest where his heart is.

"Woah!" He raises his hands in surrender, then reaches down and ruffles my curly hair. "I don't think that'll be necessary, but it's the thought that counts" he smiles.

We kinda just sit there for a few minutes, watching cars drive by and listening to the cows. "What's your favourite colour?" I ask.

"Oh, uh. Id have to say... Orange."

I look sideways at him. "I see that. Sunsets, Halloween, oranges, foxes and uh- carrots?" I ramble.

He laughs. "What about you?"

"What about me." I repeat his words back to him. "Hmm. Guess."

He surveys me for a good minute. "I'd say green. Like nature. Light green? I don't know, it just fits."

I smile. "You're right. Green all the way."

"Hell yeah." He says, playfully punching my shoulder. "What's your favorite animal?" He asks.

"Oh were doing this now? I'd have to say crabs. Just so... Funny. Cats close second."

"I like dogs." He says.

I smile at him "I thought so." I say. "Do you not like cats, then?" I ask.

"Oh, I like both. People who only like one scare me. I mean come on their both amazing!"

My eyes sparkle "I like both too, just prefer cats." He locks eyes with me.

"Hell yeah." He gives me a fist bump.

"That's actually where my mum works. The RSPCA." I say. "She was originally just a volunteer but recently she got a full time job. There's the cutest cat ever. His name is Rupaul..."

He snorts. "Hey, Rupaul is a beautiful name. Rupaul hates everyone but me and he's just some scraggly old man who just showed up at the RSPCA one day. I've been trying to get mum to adopt him. He likes her too, but she says she already has to deal with animals enough every day and that I'll move out soon and won't even see him."

"I want to meet Rupaul." He says. "Someday."

"Someday." I smile. "I'll introduce you." I say with a wink, poking my tongue out.

We continue talking about our interests and favourite things.

Max likes the colour orange, dogs, reading (though he can't well), Halloween (guessed it.), shoes, big chunky bags, sweaters, his favourite flowers are lilies (I asked) and he enjoys all kinds of movies, but hates sex scenes, and usually just ends up mocking the movie the rest of the time if it has one of those scenes in it. (I tell him we should watch Into The Spider Verse sometime. (The best spiderman.) He agrees.) He also told me about how he plays music sometimes, with his guitars.

I end up pulling my sketch pad out and drawing on one side as he draws (badly) on the other page. We're drawing different animals from memory. Hours pass and I don't feel even slightly annoyed at him. "I think I'm getting better at just... Being around people." I say. "I've been with you nearly all day, and I don't feel really angry at anything." I look sideways at the way into town, choosing to ignore that. I pull him over for a side hug. "You're my cure!" I joke.

"Perfect!" He says. "I'm glad I could help." He grins. I'm drawing a little chibi of Max, sitting with a dog and a spot where I'm going to put something else.

"Hmm. Whats your favourite food?"

"Ooh, I thought we were done with this... I like lasagna?"

"Garfield ass." I say, scribbling in a plate of lasagne in tiny Max's hand.

"Hey, lasagna is good." He pouts.

"I know it is. But you also like orange." I say, putting my own down and pointing at the drawing to show him.

"Hell yeah! That's awesome dude! I'll draw you." He smirks.

-

"I tried my hardest..." He sighs, "but it still looks like... This." He shows me the drawing. "It's nothing like yours." He says.

"I like it" I says "It's really the thought that counts. Who really cares if mine is 'better'. " I smile. "The fact you made something for me is enough."

"Not what I said, but yeah its true." He pulls out his phone, taking a pic of the two drawings. "Can I post these on Insta?" He asks, showing me the phone.

"I see your photo taking skills are better." I say, "And yeah. Tag me."

He quickly pulls up insta and posts the two drawings, my phone notifications dinging when he tags me.

"Selfie?" He asks. "I haven't posted any picks of you. I also don't have any."

I pose for the camera, and he snaps the pic. He posts it on Insta too, after getting my input.