Sorry Not Sorry

-18 🎧

"Selfie?" He asks. "I haven't posted any pics of you. I also don't have any."

I pose for the camera, and he snaps the pic. He posts  it on Insta too, after getting my input.

-

"Oh my god, we really look silly." I say, opening my camera to look at my messy hair.

"What do you mean 'we?'" He fluffs his hair. "I, for one look gorgeous!" I smile at him.

"Sure. Sure." I roll my eyes. My cheeks ache from smiling so much, and go think that  over an hour ago I'd been panicing, I just feel stupid. I pull out some earbuds from my bag. "Wanna listen?" I ask, holding one out to him.

He takes it in his hand and shoves them into his ear as I plug the wires into my phone and pick a playlist to play. The fist song which plays is 'Lovers Rock' by TV girl, and considering the fact our shoulders are pressed up against each other I feel the urge to skip it, but notice he may have already recognized the song and it would only make it more awkward by skipping.

I sit back, leaning my back on the rough tree bark. Max and I both just look out into the distance while listening, and when I side eye him, I see him lip synching the lyrics while staring off into space. I feel the urge to sing or say the words too, but decide against it.

The next song plays, and it feels even more awkward from the last. It's the one we'd listened to in his car that one time,  the one I'd messaged him about. I turn my face away from him, hiding my embarrassment. I don't think he seems to care about anything else in the world right now, he's just got his eyes closed, humming the songs.

I'm regretting turning the music on, it's essentially something I always get embarrassed over, like someone is going to judge me only over my music.  They don't, as far as I can tell. But it's still awkward, you know?

We listen to Alex G, Mitski, Some other artists which I found from his profile and more Tv girl. His finger taps on his leg as he hums. He's lost in his own world, seemingly forgetting I'm there. I forget all about my worries of my music taste, since Max seems to know every word to every song.

He opens his eyes. "What's this one?" He asks. I chuckle, hiding my face behind my hand to hide the blush on my face.

"It's from a musical." I explain.

"Cool! You have great taste, btw." He says, and my face goes even redder, I turn away from him again, hiding. I nod my head.

He pauses my music on my phone, which sat on the ground between us. "You good?" He touches my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah." I turn back go face him. "I was just," I wave my hand off the direction I was turned, "Looking? Over there... I mean."

He nods. "Good. Just checking. You can ask me to leave if you want." I nod.

He unpauses the music going back to jamming out.

-

I don't know how much time has passed, but I feel tired. My mum still isn't home. I'm cooking up my story for when she gets back. "So, I'll tell her 'Max came to visit, and we just wanted some fresh air.' Yeah?" I say.

"Sounds good to me. " Max says, smiling.

"Have you ever tried an audio book?" I blurt out. It's random, and he seems a bit confused.

"An audio book? I mean, not really."

"Its just... Never mind." I stop myself.

"Tellll meeeee!" Max urges.

"Nope!" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Pleaseeeeee...!" He begs.

"Nope." He makes some puppy dog face at me but I run away. "Fine. You win. I was just gonna ask if the thing you like about reading is the stories. because you could always use an audio book if reading is too difficult."

He shrugs. "Dunno why you didn't want to say that. It seems like a good idea. I'm just stupid." He says.

I turn to face him. "You're not stupid, Max." I say.

He turns away, laughing into his hand "Thanks Xavier, but your not the best judge of character on that topic."

My jaw drops. "You-!" I punch his arm playfully as he chuckles. "How could you say such a thing to innocent ol' me!?"

"Aw." He says simply.

"Aw what?" I say. "Whatttt!!!!" I grab his shoulders and turn him towards me. "What is AWWW!" I plead.

"Nothing." He says.

"Telll meeeee." I urge, copying him from moments earlier.

"You just were really cute."

🚨 ACT NORMAL 🚨

"I was?" I sit back, urging my cheeks not to heat.

That's such a weird thing for him to say. I think. I guess maybe normal friends do that.

He nods.

I pull my phone back out. "I'll see when my mums coming." It's around 5 now, and the sun is beginning to set. God, I seem so awkward now. I pull the earbuds back out and offer one to him.

The music starts and we listen as I type on my phone. Mozzies are coming out now, and the last kookaburra is laughing away in the distance.

Mice, owls and snakes will be out soon. I should be in soon. "You can leave now if you'd like." I say, "I don't want you to have to drive home in the dark."

"I'll go once your mum messages you back." He says. "Also, your plan will probably not work if it's this late." He laughs, but things are clearly tense.

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