Sorry Not Sorry

- 22 🍁

Max smiles. "Thanks. If you're not in any pain, I'm wondering if you'd still like to meet my band mates?"

I leap up off the chair, "Hell yeah!"

Max smiles,  grabbing my wrist to pull me along. "Come on, then!"

-

"Hey guys." Max says, stopping in front of the four people, letting go of my wrist. "I'd like you go meet my friend, Xavier." He pauses. "So..."

"Not even going to introduce us? I'm shook." The ginger girl steps forward. "I'm Emile." She says. "Spelt E-m-i-l-e, pronounced Emily." She smiles and reaches out a hand to shake. "She/They. Nice to meet you."

I shake her hand. "Xavier, He/him."

"No doubt Max's talked about us plenty?" Says another member, the white and black haired singer.

"Uh... Definitely." I stutter.

He laughs, "No need to lie, I know he doesn't love us."

"Hey!" Max says, punching his arm. "Propaganda!"

"I'm Christal." He says, "He/him." He daps me up.

"Xavier." I say. "Cool name."

"Thanks, I picked it myself." He winks.

I laugh. The girl with the black hair also steps forward. "Good to meet you, Xavier. My name it Vendetta. They and maybe she"

"Vendetta? Even cooler name." I say.

"I also picked it myself, just not in the same way as Chris's. Ah. Chris is my brother, by the way."

I nod. "Cool, cool." The only thing cool is the way I'm trying to be perceived right now, and the way these people are.

"G'day. The names Jack" the last man steps toward. "He/him." He says. "Heard you were knocked out earlier, are you okay?"

"Ohh, pff. That was nothing." I say, scratching the back of my head, sending a jolt through my spine.

"Well, I for one saw you. That old dick behind you said something and you just didn't hesitate to turn around." Christal says. "I admire that... Though you did end up getting hurt, it was badass nonetheless."

I'm not sure how to respond, so I throw a thumbs up in his direction. "What did the old fart say, anyway?" Emile asks.

"Ehh... It was nothing. I just.... I don't know."

"Well, I admire the bravery." Christal says. And everyone nods.

"Just part of the package. I mean... Like the... Nevermind." My cheeks flush as I stutter.

They exchange a glance at each other and Jack shrugs. My heart rate picks up at the small action. God, I've ruined everything. I don't know how, but I have.

"Xavier." Max mumbles in my ear. "Do you need to get out of here? The bathrooms over there." He points. "I'll distract them if you need."

I nod, and sneak off into the bathroom.

-

While I compose myself, I notice a wallet on the counter, next to a sink. I look around, but all the cubicles are empty. I sigh and open it nervously, looking for any sign of who owns it.

Luckily (or not so luckily for whomever owns it) the drivers licence is in the wallet. I take a closer look at the name, skimming over it, but then do a double take and throw it down on the bench. After checking to make sure I'm not in the wrong bathroom    -it's gender neutral?- I shove it into my back pocket.

I don't know how, but I recognise that name. It's not a good recognise either, it's bad. Awful, really. A look at the image on her ID and once again she seems familiar. Too familiar... Maybe... I pull out my phone and text my mum.

I pocket the wallet in  by back pocket while waiting for a text back, and I exit the bathroom. I walk up to the frount counter and pull it out. I explain how I found it, and confirm I didn't take anything.

'I'm concerned on why your asking, but it was Alexander. I hope your having fun at the bar'

I nearly choke after reading the name. Ok, surely not. Plus, how could I even recognise her.

'First name?'

'I'm unsure, it's not on the papers but I believe it was Maria.'

'ok' I don't  know what to say, I don't know what to do.

I rush out of the bar and sit down on the curb,  the cool concrete calming my tense body.

I just sit their for a while, wondering about the possibility. I try to convince myself I read the name wrong, it's ubsurd I'd be able to remember after so long.

But no matter how much I lie to myself, in the end I know it's her. And what do I do with that information. She was here, so what?

But what if she's still here? What if she's seen me-

The door slides open and I whip around.

"Xavier." Max sighs.

He looks around at his band mates surrounding him. "See you later guys. And don't ask." He hisses.

He sits down next to me on the pavement.

"What's wrong, are you okay?" He pauses. "Wait, bad question..."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

"No your not. Please talk to me. I want to help."

"Maybe I don't need help."

"Okay, well I need peice of mind." He clenched his fist. "Please tell me. I don't judge, you know that..."

"I don't think I can say it yet." I say, burying my head between my knees.

"How long until you think you can?" He asks. "I can wait. " he pauses. "Uh... No pressure. I just think it's best to talk."

"I don't even know if it's true." I chuckle. "I mean, knowing my luck, it would be. Right?" I look over at him manically.

He shakes his head. "I don't know, Xavier."

"You do know, though. It was a terrible idea to be friends with me. It was a terrible idea to... to match costumes with me. To introduce me to your friends. You know it, and so do I." I poke his chest.

"If that's the case I know nothing." He says, standing up. "I'll talk to you later, Xay."

I bury my head in my knees again as he begins to walk away, but I reach my arm out and stop him, grabbing his wrist. "I... My mother, she's here... My biological one."

-