MY SWEET ALYNE

CHAPTER 17

NOAH

I took a deep breath after listening to her. When she was talking I was silent for most of the part.
May be to let her speak her heart out. Or may be I had flashbacks of my own life while then.

Love is a cruel thing happened to this already cruel world.

There were so many times she weeped like a child, where I wanted to hug her, but there were moments when she cried like a torn apart person I was torn into shreds too, I want to go to more nearer to her, the holding of hands for me wasn't enough touch in that moment.
To hug her, to sooth her, to shush her, to move my hands on her back to calm her down, to kiss her on her forehead, to show her how much I care.
Or may be due to I want to, may be because that was what I was needing and craving when I was torn apart by love of life.
Being man, means no one pays attention to your grief, you are strong and not allowed to grieve or show emotions, may be if I was saved by someone then, I could have been a better person today.

But I didn't did any of those things to aly too, because she was holding so so much chaos inside her, and to hold such thunderstorms inside of you , I know how it feels, and how painfully it destroys you.
She neede to cry, she need to howl, she need to take it all out.

When it ended I knew and then I realized me and her were holding hands like, no one of us wanted to let go of another one. I am not going anywhere aly, I am here for you.

I wasnt ready to speak again, I thought my voice was lost somewhere in middle of her storm. But she needs it and I need it.

"Hey! Aly, I am proud of you." I whispered, because to talk more loudly or on normal voice, I thought I might hurt her, or myself, I wanted to hold her with tenderness even with my voice.

She looks at me with those bloodshot red eyes, and it broke me more to see her like that, her eyes were in pain, sad and more importantly, hopeless, not hopeless in love, hopeless for love.

I wiped tears from her cheek which was red but now. "You think you have lost your passion, but no my beloved aly, you are the most passionate woman I have ever met, I want you and need you in my life, because it's you who have mended me in a way, no one could have done, and you are still doing it.
You are melting me, you are caring for me and my daughter, who are everything to us." I sincerely told her.

She deserves to know how much beautiful person she is. "I know and I feel how much devastated you are, but the thing is I want you to know how much passion, love, care and warmth you carry within yourself even after so much." I whispered to her.

"Sorry for never looking after you, I was so seld absorbed in myself, that I forgot to check upon you. I forgot to see that someone is hurting too, beside me." I apologized to her.

"You think time has stopped, indeed it has, it stopped for me, it stops for everyone, because you need to feel that pain, because if you dont then its going to wash you out, it will destroy you slowly painfully, and one day you will look back and will not be able to recognize yourself." I wiped another tear falling from her eyes, her eyes had softened.

"You are still in Dilemma that if you want him back or not, I have answer to that but i know one thing for sure, you want that version of you back. The alyne that existed with him." Her eyes widened.

"But the truth is you dont need that alyne too, that alyne was someone who existed because of him, now he is gone so he cant live easily, and you have been that alyne for so long, you can not easily build a new alyne, without it, and the alyne who existed before him , was alive very long ago, you are changing my dear, and based on your behavior it is going to be a more beautiful and better alyne, that has ever existed." I affirmed her.

"If you don't lose anything then you cant become anything more than this." I told her.

She hugged me and cried again. And it was now I realised I was crying too.
Why?
I dont have answer to that, human emotions are much more complicated then they seem to.

But one emotion I know is that, I dont want to let this girl go, I want her to live a beautiful and full of love life.