KC

July 15, 2015- 01:45 •summer update•

Hello Internet,
Summer has been... Something. Just me sitting home on my computer mostly. I got 4 C's on my report card, so my mom isn't letting me do anything. She's fun, right?

But, I did get to do a few things. My friend Heather has been taking me and our other friend Megan driving. Megan's uncle Alex lets us use his car, so the four of his drive around town, sometimes delivering pizzas for Alex (he works at a pizza shop). So megan and I hang out of the car window and light fire works and sparklers. It's fun. We're like a typical teenage summer movie.

I went to Warped Tour five days ago, which was AMAZING. I mean, someone stole my wallet, but other then that, it was great! I met New Years Day and Juliet Simms and Nick Major (AP rep). I got to see Miss May I, which made me fall in love with their music again. I saw BVB, NYD, PTV (unfortunately), Blessthefall, Memphis May Fire, a few others... It was just a cool, fun day. I'll attach a picture of me.

So my band is hard at work, getting covers together and working on originals, and I'm excited. We're finally moving along and getting things done. We can even start performing soon. (We still have no band name, but it's chillen).

"What about you and the Woman?" you may be asking. Well, we're fine. I hate her boyfriend again, shocker. I really think I was just forcing myself to get over it and like him, but you know, I can't. I mean, even if I get some type of "closure" I still wouldn't be happy, you know? I'd be happy with her. But, I try my best to talk to her every day. I still love her, you know? I want her to know it, and she does. She admits her love for me to, but I don't know, man. I just seem to be stagnate water. Not going anywhere, nothing happening. I made it clear that I want to be together and she wants to as well (so she claims), but I also made it clear she needs to make the first move.

Deep down, I want to say "Dump him and be with me." But I can't. It's not my place, and overall, it's not me. She needs to break up with him because she wants to. I want to wait forever, but that's just something I can't do. Soon I'm just going to be done. You know? It won't make me happy, no, but many die waiting for an answer they're not sure they can ever get...

As of recent, I've been picturing myself with this girl... Not in a sexual way, but in a domestic way... Like, we're either in college or out, but we have a place together. A loft, most likely in Portland or California. We live in a cozy place together, sharing a bed, completely in love. We even have a fucking cat and a snake. I see us dancing around the apartment, making dinner together, lounging around doing nothing. It's so clear, such a vivid illusion, I can almost feel it... AND THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Of course I think about my future, but career wise! How my band will evolve, and how touring will be, and what the hell I'll look like at 19, but what the hell is this?! I never pictured myself really with anyone in the future. I thought my relationship days would be during high school, and that's it. Nothing else. Just a free lance lover.

If I ever told her that, I'd probably scare her off even more.

Enough stressing. I just need to focus on these stories right now (at 1:44 am).

Until next time,
-Kacy