KC

August 2, 2014- 22:00 •She Hates Me and I Hate Me, Too•

Hello internet,

It was a good day until now. Let me back track...

So I spent most of my day watching all the Step Up movies and Mean Girls, watching YouTube, and cleaning up a bit. Other then the sharp pain in my side and the return of my excruciating chest pain, it was a pretty great day.

So my mom and grandmother go to the movies today, around 6:30, to see Get On Up. You know, the one about James Brown? Yeah, it was pretty good, I recommend it. But before the movie started, I start a group text with my two "best friends", asking if we were still going to see Guardians of the Galaxy together like we had planed.

My one friend, Heather, said that they were going to go see it when they went down to the shore. Without me. It hurt a little, but I shrugged it off and asked if we could see Lucy together. Heather responded that they couldn't and left it at that.

If you didn't notice, Heather was the only person to respond, and it's a group text.

This recently isn't the only time this has happened these past few days. The other person in the group is the girl I like. I mean, I've known this girl since kindergarten liked her since the 5th grade and I'm going into 10th. It's safe to say that I love her.

Rewind a little bit- she went to summer camp for two week, with no technology, so I decided to write her a letter telling her how I felt. I expected when she got home for our friendship to be a little awkward, but nothing major.

This chick has been ignoring me for almost TWO FUCKING WEEKS now. Seriously, I would have thought maybe two days off us not talking, but no. Granted, I haven't texted her much, but when I do, she ignores me! She answered me one time when I asked her to hang out with my friend James and me, but she gave me a bullshit excuse and hasn't talked to me.

It doesn't help the fact that I've always felt she likes Heather more then me, and she's known her for less. Nothing against Heather, I just feel like Megan doesn't like me anymore as much as all of the new friends she's made since entering the Junior High three years ago.

And now she's completely shutting me out! She never told me she was going to the shore (with Heather for another year I might add, and I've never gone with her) and they're coming back the day of the P!ATD concert. This means, I have to get a ride or take the fucking train to her sister's apartment in Center City Philadelphia. Heather had to tell me this today! My mom works crazy fucking hours and barely gets any pay, so this is difficult to work out.

Anyway, I asked Heather if they've talked recently, and they have. I know she's been talking to our friend Dylan and her stupid Skype group. All people she met through me. I don't even get a fucking HELLO. When she came back from camp, she didn't even tell me when she was home.

It really fucking hurts, to the point where I fucking breakdown. I feel like he fucking hates me, and it puts me in a state of depression, then a state of pure anger. If she's going to fucking ignore me, at least don't be a dick and tell me how you're feeling! I mean I get it! I put a load on you, tell you that I really like you! But doing this to me fucking hurts! It's like she wants me in pain! I've been in pain for YEARS because I haven't told her! When I tell her, it's a weight off my shoulder. But this? She just added five more weights.

So I think I'm going to go back to not letting anyone in, relationship wise. I knew I couldn't trust people before.

Looks like I'm back to having friends with benefits with other people that I don't want, when I only want her.

Until next time,

-KC