KC

February 21, 2015- 21:35 •Just When I Thought We Were Getting Somewhere...•

Hello Internet,
I need to just stop. Stop trying, stop caring, stop wanting, stop lusting. My ex? Yeah, this past week we got to talking. Topic of conversation to be unnamed, because it gets a little graphic. Besides that, we've been flirting again and she confessed that she always had liked me. Cool right?

Wrong.

Before I get into specifics, I'll just say what I want, what we both want, and then I'll tell you what she told me.

What I want: obviously, a relationship with her again. Not now, though. I'm definitely not ready, and I'm not looking for anything serious. "Fuck buddy" or "Friends with benefits" sure. But I relationship eventually in the future.

What we both want: Nothing serious. We both like each other, but now is not the time to jump into things.

Alright.

But then...

What she told me through text (verbatim): " look really fast I just have to get this out. I really like you. a lot. I just am talking to someone right now and I'm not sure if we're going to date soon or not. I just needed to let you know before you see something and get blind sided."

So, she's trying to get with someone else as she kind of just strings me along. I understand that she's single again and can talk to other people, but goddamn.

I just feel like I'm never the only one on her mind. She sure as hell is the only one on mine. I honestly don't know what I'll do if she gets with that other person she's talking to, if I'm like this and she's not even mine.

I've been thinking about what I'm going to tell her on Monday. I know for a fact I'm gonna be all mopey looking like I am now. And I know she's going to ask and try and pry to get me to tell her wants wrong. She does that a lot. And I know it's going to bother me, like it always does.

I just want to be adult with things now, you know? I don't want to play this middle school/high school game of dating. Sure, I realize I'm in high school right now, and things don't last forever, but it's annoying. In terms of interacting with people and forming relationships, I'm WAY ahead of the others. I'm just more mature in that area.

I want to keep perusing her, but I don't think it's good. I already know she's toxic for me, but I just can't keep the fuck away.

I just know that whatever she chooses, I'll always be there for her. She will always be the one I choose. Years from now, I know that if we somehow meet again and she offers another go at a relationship, I'm 100% for it. I can't give her up.

I need help.

-Kacy