DEVIL'S WRATH 6: Cruise Delmonio (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 30

CRUISE'S POV

"Pareho t-tayong nasasaktan at n-nagdurusa. Puwede b-bang pahilumin na muna natin a-ang sugat ng bawat isa? P-Puwede bang kalagan m-mo muna ang pagkakagapos mo sa'kin? Maaari mo bang gawin 'yon para sa'kin?"

Kapag naaalala ko ang pakiusap niya sa'kin, para akong mababaliw sa hapding nararamdaman ko. Walang minuto na hindi ko naaalala ang mga salitang narinig ko mula aa kanya, ang mahinang paghikbi niya na tila ba sinasakal ko na siya ng sobra.

She's right, I'm a heartless jerk. I'm a cruel, I'm a monster, I'm a beast! But this heartless jerk changed because of her. When did I ever cry in front of someone else? Never in my whole entire life, but when she came into my life... When it got to the point where I could barely reach her, those tears suddenly appeared.

They said, crying is a sign of human weakness. But some people say, crying is a symbol of being strong. But for me, tears don't have a lot of meaning beyond those two. When I started to cry, that's when I discovered that we had kids. I can't explain the happiness I felt during those times.

Again, I cried when I realized that I hurt her badly. What a fool, what an idiot for forgetting the person I let get locked up, the woman who changed me, the woman who told me she loved me, the woman who's the mother of my children, the woman who owns my heart.

At doon ko na nabigyan ng napakaraming kahulugan ang salitang 'pag-iyak'. Kasi noong matuto akong lumuha, doon ko lang namalayan na nawala na sa'kin ang lahat, nawala na siya... Ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko, ang ina ng mga anak ko. Ang babaeng gusto kong makasama habang buhay.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko kakaharapin ang bawat araw na hindi ko sila masisilayan, makakasama at mayayakap. I don't know, if I can able to survive this time.

Saglit ko lang siya nakasama, saglit ko lang nakilala ang mga anak ko pero aalis na naman sila, iiwan na naman nila ako.

Maybe this is my fate, to be left by someone I love.

That's probably why I have so many insecurities. People look up to me because of my wealth, my power, and because I'm Delmonio. But those people who want to be me don't know my insecurities.

I want to be like Lu, like Colt, like Zachary, like Helcurt, and like Welius... My devil friends are so lucky, while me? From the beginning, I've wanted to be like them. I wish I could be like them.

I've always wanted to have kids. I don't know why I love kids so much. I love seeing a complete and happy family... Siguro, gusto ko lang maranasan yung hindi ko naranasan noong bata pa ako. Namatay si Mom when I was three years old, ni hindi ko matandaan ang masayang tagpo na kasama siya. Nakikita ko lang siya sa litrato, si Dad lang ang nagpalaki sa'kin pero nawala rin siya sa'kin.

Hindi ko siya naprotektahan, at sinisisi ko rin ang sarili ko. I wasn't happy when I saw the information the investigator gave me. I did everything, we did everything, but all the evidence coming in is the same as what we already have.

I'm so stupid. I didn't listen to her. I doubted her, and the worst part is, I let her get locked up for days. That's why I deserve all this punishment, all this pain.

The first time I saw Lucian crying because of his wife's disappearance, and when Milk wanted an annulment, I couldn't believe he was crying. Second is Develios, noong akala niya ay asawa niya yung natagpuang bangkay sa loob ng sumabog na kotse, and then Zares, followed by Belcher, noong gusto rin siyang hiwalayan ng asawa niya and then Morgan, noong tuluyan na siyang iniwan ni Zanzea.

Akala ko simpleng luha lang 'yon, hindi pala... Masakit pala talaga.

But look at them now, masaya na sila... Kaya nga ayokong sumama sa mga lakad nila kapag kasama yung mga asawa't anak nila eh kasi madadagdagan lang yung pagiging desperado kong magkaanak. Pero noong nalaman kong may mga anak na pala ako, pakiramdam ko napakaswerte ko rin tulad nila.