Love in micrometer

~THE FIGHT~

Priya felt as though the wind had been blowing quite unusually today because she was sure about the sound whooshing her ear, that was reaching her head numbing down everything around her.

The ground seemed to collapse, and she could feel the Earth rotate, while she sat on the bench near the window in the small canteen in front of Shivamsha. He had said something that she never expected coming from anyone, at least not from Shivamsha, for that matter.

“What about the other 50% that you are disregarding only to satisfy your ego?” he had said. The words hit the darkest corners of her mind, bringing back all the memories that were well hidden in the deepest of places. Tears filled her eyes, ready to fall down the moment she gave them permission.

Shivamsha realised the words that came out of his mouth out of pure annoyance. He was angry at her, more so angry at himself for being blunt.

He had not told anything wrong he was aware, but the way with which it had come out of his mouth was not something he appreciated. 'Shivamsha: A sensible man', as he had proudly accepted the title given by the people around him, had taken the liberty of hurting Priya again.

The wrong choice of words was something Siddhi excelled at, but today, he did. He had won the title. He saw the tears almost jerking from her eyes that annoyed him a lot more. He was sure he wanted to stop, but he had to put Priya out of this suffering. “If you can not handle the least of this pressure, how are you going to survive in academia?” he continued.

Priya was silent, dejected by the events. She sat and listened to him expose her little secrets that she thought were well protected. The fear, anxiety, overthinking, every other ugly truth.

She heard him ask questions that she did not know the answers for. “My intentions are honest, I swear, but it is something your future depends on.Will you always find a solution by running away from everything?” he said. She fought back her tears, this was not the time for them, not in front of Shivamsha.

“I am sorry I overreacted. It sounded good in my head, but the moment I told them to you, it became my reality”, she replied after gathering her courage to finally speak. “I accept that I was being irresponsible by assuming things by myself, I will do better” she said, looking into his eyes, which she noticed was filled with fury for some unknown reason.

Recollecting the things he had said, she felt triggered now by the choice of his words. Ego? He called it ego? It was time to defend herself. “I agree, but I will not let you talk about my feelings as if you have any rights over them” she fought with her words.

It was enough that he had exposed her thoughts despite her permission. It was enough that she felt threatened by him, like an antibiotic that kills the bacteria. It was time for her to build her fort, like building resistance against the antibiotic. “Ego? I will not let you talk about my insecurities and label them as ego Shivamsha, you have no rights”, she spat.

Shivamsha had been pierced with his own needle that he unintentionally had thrown at her, which came back to haunt him. She said that he had no rights on her feelings? When had he ever thought that he had rights over her or her feelings? That statement had sown a seed of bitterness within him.

His body erupted of anger masked below the helplessness of the misunderstanding, but he decided to give it some time. He stopped himself from saying he would regret. Shivamsha took a deep breath by closing his eyes and sighed heavily.

“Right, if that is what you think it is, then I apologise. You can visit the website of this institution and look for the profiles of scientists you would want to work under.” He instructed as if he did not want to waste either of their time. “Write an official mail to them after you have read their research, they will get back to you if they are interested and assign you with a mentor”, he said and marched out of the canteen, leaving Priya in her thoughts.

She packed her bag with tears, designing her jeans with wet spots, and watched him walk away with anger. Just like that, she saw him disappearing, realising that she had missed her only chance. The one shot she had to ask him to be her mentor, the one who unnaturally saw through her. The mentor she had yearned for almost every day but failed again because of fear. He was right. Maybe it was my ego.