Love in micrometer

~KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED~

Agasthya

It was taxonomy hour in the class I was teaching. When I say I like biology, I have my favorites, but when I am asked to teach about the arrangement of leaves on the branches to my students, that is where the problem starts.

I have a weird relationship with plant taxonomy. As much as I appreciate the beauty of nature and the wonders it has created to make it live through so many hardships, teaching about the arrangement of leaves, flowers, branching dries my life just like the leaves fallen during autumn.

My students will reflect on what I am in class, so I put on my morning energy and greet them. All of them stand up, a little confused why I had come instead of their teacher.

“Please take your seats. Vinod sir is on leave today, and he has requested me to teach this hour in his stead” I say. I heard everybody groan, maybe at the missed chance of having a free hour.

Finally, it is the end of the hour and the class went well. With a big smile on my face, I went back to the staff room and found someone I did not want to meet. Sameer. “Look it is our very famous and handsome Agasthya” he said and claps for my arrival. This man is every introvert’s nightmare. I just wish that he would understand my signals on the fact that it is difficult for me to be around him.

I give him a small work smile and sit on my chair to relax and prepare for the next lecture, which is 2 hours later. As usual, he is very loud and nosy. I have heard him talk about his relationship a hundred times now, in which he has switched partners 6 times.

I have no problem with the way he lives his life, and it is none of my business. My problem is when he tries to get me involved in such conversations despite my disinterest.

I want to ask him again to behave well in a professional space, but he disregards it as a passing comment and continues to do it anyway. “I like exploring my interests, knowing about the things I like and don’t like, not living a mundane life, unlike you, Agasthya, you are too boring.” That’s it. He has triggered me in 3 universes.

I stare at him, annoyed signaling him to leave. “See another example of you not saying what you want. How will we know if you don’t tell anyone?” he said.
I was turning red with fury, “Sameer please,” I soft scream, “I would appreciate if you did not get involved and comment on the way I live my life just the way I don’t do with yours” I command speaking my mind out.

I don’t like the way it sounded, but I had no other option. He raised his hands in surrender and smirked in an extremely weird way and left me alone, making me think about what he had just told me.

How will we know if you don’t tell anyone. I shook my head and continued with my day a little disturbed.

I was done with all my lectures, so I left for the day. I walked to the metro and looked around as if I was waiting for someone. It has been two days since the concert. I have no news about my handkerchief. I still haven’t told Avi about having met Siddhi because he was ill and I got busy with work.

At that moment, I heard my phone ring. I slid my hands in my pocket to pick up the call, which was from Avi.

“How are you feeling now”? I ask him.

“Leave all that. Did you meet Siddhi?” he asked me, catching me by surprise.

“Did she tell you? Yes, I met her at the concert” I explained.

I did not give more details on the meet-up because I felt that it was unnecessary. We continued to talk throughout my train journey about his internship ideas, lab work, the recent series he has been seeing, and how he feels that Priya had been acting lately, including about her broken leg.

“Avi is it okay to give somebody’s personal information to a stranger?” I ask him, trying to pull his leg.

“There is nothing personal between my friends and I, unlike you, Agasthya. You are a very private man. I can never be like you,” he says and giggles.

“You are lucky I am not around Avi, else you would have to walk home with a red ear”, I say.

We both laugh at this and without me realising I have already reached home, only to find Amma missing. Temple obviously, I thought, and we cut the call.

I freshen up, walk to my room, close the door, and lay down on my bed after an exhausting day both physically and mentally. A corner of my head is throbbing, trying to cope with the disorganised and overwhelming feeling of missing a piece of me. I have been thinking about her since our meeting at the concert. I smile, remembering how her eyes were glistening when she had turned towards me.

I saw that the door was not fully close, so I kept it that way. I immediately sat down when my eyes blurred.

I felt shortness of breath, struggle to open the curtains to breathe fresh air, inhaling and exhaling as comfortably as possible for almost 5 minutes. How will we know if you don’t tell anyone.

Like a distraction, my phone chimed with a notification. My breath was back to normal by then. I picked up my phone to read the message I had received.

“Hey”

“Hey?”, I replied.

I wondered if it was any of my student messaging me to ask about the lecture (sometimes I don’t think they are genuine doubts)

“Hi, this is Siddhi (Avi’s friend from college). Sorry to text you personally, but I took your number from Avi, because I wanted to return it by myself and thank you in person”.

My lips curved into a smile, looking at the message. My heart started to pound, audibly making me confused at my state. A butter like flip in my stomach added to the confusion. I did the best thing I could think of at that moment.

“Oh, hello there! You need not take the trouble. Avi is coming home in a few days; you can send it through him. Or you can keep it for yourself? No issues”

Can she keep it with her? Why would she want to keep it with her? That sounded so wrong.

“Aha alright then. Take care. Thank you once again.”

“Sure”. There was a huge silence that engulfed the room.

My head reminded me of its existence by throbbing. It was 5:00 in the evening. I rested my head on the soft pillow, staring at the slightly open door.

I lay there motionless until I walked to the door and shut it fully close. How will we know if you don’t tell anyone.

This is wrong. I must keep the door closed, I thought and slipped into a sleep.