Love in micrometer

~THE SILENCE~

Agasthya

It was any usual day; I reached my college taking the lift to the staff room to prepare for my class that was an hour later. I was sifting through my monthly plan and gathering the textbooks to make notes for my lecture. My diary had a small place dedicated to lines by famous scientists. Today, it said, the universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. This sentence alone makes so much sense to me that nothing makes sense. Especially about how I turned red as she claims. I threw off any thoughts related to her and focused on my lecture.

I finished my classes, and as usual, there was a line of students who were gathered to ask me doubts, or I was thinking probably even asking for some hints about the upcoming test. I answered them without falling for their tricks (phew) and briskly walked to the staff room and found Sameer waiting for me near the door. Sameer followed me to my seat and sat in front of my desk quickly, taking a spin on the chair.

I looked at him, annoyed with his immature nature at a professional place. “Do you ever behave the way the place demands?” I questioned him, putting forward my genuine doubt while I took out some reference books. “No, I am who I am” he said condescendingly, shutting my book with a loud thump. I had to shoo him away from the staffroom when the other lecturers had started to take their seats.

I don’t want to get into unnecessary trouble. I don’t like trouble and loud people, except Avi, obviously. Just when I thought about him, I received his call. I spoke to him for a few minutes.

Sometime later, one of my students came to visit me in the staff room asking for some reference material I had promised to share in the class. I gave her my copy, asking her to take some pictures as I needed the book to be returned to the teacher’s library by tomorrow. I had to urgently leave early today as I had to attend a concert in the evening.

I was thinking about my encounter with Siddhi today, and for reasons that I am not aware, I could not stop smiling. To my bad luck, I assume my student noticed this behavior because I could see that she was judging me, probably even giggling at me while pretending to just take the pictures.

I relaxed my face immediately and started to pack my bag to leave for the day. “Thank you, sir. I will forward the document to my class. Have a very good evening” she said and walked out of the staff room, smirking at me. These kids scare me sometimes.

It was a long journey for me to reach the concert, but I know that it would all be worth it when I listen to my favorite star shining as usual. I ate some refreshments being served outside the auditorium, in the canteen. The smell of freshly fried bajji and coffee had invited me.

I went inside the auditorium after filling my stomach and found that somebody else had taken the seat  I usually sat on.  Stupid stupid snacks I cursed at myself and sat a few seats behind. The moment I sat on that seat, I saw her again. For the second time in a day, I saw her sitting next to me. Okay, I agree it was both the times me who sat next to her, although not intentionally. Again, it was the second time in a day that she did not notice me for a long time. Therefore, I officially am that guy who notices women while not being noticed?  This was new to me. I did not like this feeling of wanting to be noticed.

I did not initiate any conversation as the concert would begin any moment now, not that I would have, even if it was later.

The musical notes took me to a whole new world that I feel safe and comfortable in. A place that is my comfort and lets me feel the things I feel. I can not describe with words the greatness of how music sinks into my heart, knocks at the deepest and darkest of places in my heart and mind to lighten it up.

We came towards the end of the concert; the applause sounded like a storm and grew louder and better. I turned my head towards Siddhi and found her being emotional.

She reminds me of the time I did not know how to bottle up my emotions and let them get out of my system, like how our body throws out the things it doesn’t need. I saw her eyes twinkling from the side, so I instinctively and spontaneously offered her my hand kerchief, which again obviously she did not notice.

I wanted to slowly take my offer back when I saw her head turn towards my hand holding the kerchief, following her eyes on my arms, and finally, my face. I could not help but look at her. I wanted to give her a smile as an acknowledgment to our meeting, but soon her cheeks were drenched with a lone tear that had escaped from her eyes, now traveling next to her moisturised lips.

I found it weird to have noticed the texture of her lips, so I shook my head and diverted my eyes to her eyes. It was again a bad decision because those eyes held so much love that I physically and mentally don’t deserve. That love was not directed to me, but I felt overwhelmed to just see it.

We stood outside the auditorium awkwardly waiting for the auto to take us to the nearby metro station and make me forget about the most unmannerly thing I did to her. I must be happy that she did not take it seriously. Otherwise, I definitely deserved a tight slap or a high kick. I shook my head as if to throw that horrible memory out of my head.

Silence deepening each second and neither one of us ready to break the ice. My handkerchief now in her hand was receiving a severe tension as she held onto it tightly, mostly choking it, or me, I can not distinguish.

The auto arrived and thankfully reached the station with no traffic on the way. I paid the driver, and soon we were waiting on the platform. I hoped that this silence could be killed somehow before it kills me. I gathered all my courage to talk to her, but I could not. Conversations have become hard for me, it feels like a chore, so I prefer the silence, but today, I wanted to come past my insecurities and apologise to her although I failed. I stood in silence, and so did she, her hands still gripping my kerchief tightly.

“I will return it to you the next time we meet, or I will send it with Avi” she said, playing with the cloth in her hand. I could feel my chest relax, unaware of when it was burdened. No words came out of my mouth, so I just nodded, looking at her. I needed to really stop looking at her. She turned her head towards me and smiled, mouthing a thank you. I returned her a smile, a little wider than usual, feeling a great amount of happiness until my head chose to remind me of the awful thing I did to her.

“No, don’t thank me. I must be the one to apologise and thank you”, I said immediately. I felt my body turning hot because of the sudden blood rush.

“Why must you do those things?” she questioned me as if she wanted me to never ever open that topic again. She made me speechless; no words came out of my mouth, so I simply nodded.
“Oh, do you mean to say when you…” she started to tease me, and I immediately cut her off. “Yes, I am sorry”, I said, not letting her finish the sentence.

“Ah! There it is, the red ears”, she said, shocking me to the core. I bent my head and touched my ears as a spontaneous response while fighting a smile on my lips. The train arrived, taking us to our respective stations. I got down before she did as my station had arrived, I saw her waving at me through the window.

I smiled at her and walked towards the escalator, leaving a piece of me in her hand and taking a piece of her with me.

The applause grew louder, and Agasthya saw Siddhi covered with tears of joy. He handed her the handkerchief, but instead of letting her take it, he forwarded his hands towards her cheek as if to wipe those tears himself.

His heart thumped loudly, which was overshadowed by the thunderous claps. He held onto that moment for a few seconds. Siddhi had a sudden blood rush, surprised by the sudden closeness of Agasthya towards her.

She stood there confused and slightly moved her head away to wake him up. She looked into his eyes, which also looked at her, and she suddenly woke up herself and immediately grabbed his handkerchief. Agasthya realised what he was doing and regretted it instantly.

They fell into a silence, soaking in the events of that particular minute or probably trying to reason or disregard it. A silence that came into existence during a thunder of applause and thumping hearts, which made absolutely no sense. Well, the universe is under no obligation to make sense indeed.