I'm Gonna Be Ready

overwhelmed

Ore
I don’t understand how this woman who doesn’t know me can be so kind to me, I feel so overwhelmed, the more she speaks the harder it is to keep my tears at bay. I have watched my mother give Lewatle her clothes and jewellery, some shoes as well and  deliberately give away items I told her I liked, to my relatives and people from church.
The look Mawe gives me is so warm, I can’t help but cry out. I cry for my mother’s love, I cry for the love Mawe gives me unconditionally, her arms feel so warm. I try and regulate my breathing to avoid an attack. Mawe continues to pat my back, I hug her back tightly when I feel better.
You can’t be vulnerable, you are okay Ore, you have survived a lot. I chant. “Are you feeling better Sesi? Drink some water.” Mawe.
I take slow sips to avoid choking, I have hiccups from crying. I wipe my snort with my t-shirt. “Thank you, I am better.”
“Good, give Vuyo a smile, he looks like a chicken that’s been rained on.” Mawe laughs.
“You will never know how much your love heals.” I smile at her.
“Would you like anything?” Vuyo.
“No, switch off the lights on your way out.” He looks at me with wide eyes, Mawe laughs.
“You are sleeping here?” Vuyo.
“Yes, you have a problem?” I tease, his face is funny.
“Yho, ohk. Good night.” Vuyo walks out. Mawe and I burst into laughter.
“Ore please go to your boyfriend before he breaks my house.” Mawe. Vuyo has been banging things in the kitchen since he left the room.
“Good night Mah, thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
“You are welcome.” Mawe.
“So much noise?” I ask and touch his shoulder.
“I’m looking for my scoops.” Vuyo.
“Okay, come to bed.”
“For real?” he spins me around and starts singing the chorus to ‘Asibe happy’ I humour him and dance along. We get to bed and he pulls me to his side.
“Does it not bother you that we are not intimate?”
“What is your definition of intimacy?” He asks sitting up.
“Sex, having sex and cuddling.”
“My definition is different, us being this close, kissing, opening up after a long day and just spending time together. Quality time is my thing love. Sex is a bonus, we can do it without penetration.” Vuyo.
“I see.”
“Do you want us to have sex?” I laugh.
“Answer me and stop laughing at me.” Vuyo.
“No, maybe.”
“Let me know when you are sure for now, we will cuddle until you sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.” Vuyo pecks my lips.
“Good night.”
I wake up alone in bed the next morning. I make the bed and run to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. Mawe is sweeping the yard, it smells nice in the kitchen. I walk out the door and greet Mawe who tells me to bathe while she finishes up, I nod my head and go take a bath. Vuyo is back from his run, I see his running shoes by the door. I get dressed and find Mawe dishes up porridge for us, it reminds me of the porridge Oratile, used to make for us during our school holidays with peanut butter and powder milk.
“Are you okay?” Vuyo asks me wiping my lone tear.
“Yes. What time is the truck coming? We need to leave.”
“I’m letting it go for now, when we reflect tonight you will let me know what is wrong.” Vuyo. I smile and shake my head. Vuyo drives to his place in thatch hills, we start by sweeping and mopping while waiting for the delivery truck. The movers arrive an hour later.
We arrange the furniture in the lounge and bedroom. He packs his bedroom while I pack away the kitchen boxes. He connects the television last, we bath and order supper.

Lerato.