Everything with you

Part 34

Justin

I was a mess. I hadn't gone home since Sunday; I couldn't. I just couldn't handle the thought of leaving my mom alone. We were allowed just one visit per day, I couldn't bring myself to go in and see her, but I never left. I made just one call on Monday morning, and that was to our coach to let him know that I would not be making it to practices. He immediately agreed. As I thought Nate and Ash were in the hospital with me every evening. I wanted to call Emma; I wanted to let her know about what happened, but I couldn't. I guess I couldn't do a lot of things.

I didn't expect for her to come here today. The moment I saw her, I felt a kind of peace in the chaos that was going through my mind. As Ash was now giving me an update on our game yesterday, I tried to focus, but my mind was elsewhere. Once he finished speaking to me. He looked at Emma,

"Do you need a ride back?" he questioned. Emma looked between us.

"I can drop her; my car's here," I say.

"No.. I can catch the bus." I don't want to disturb," she says quickly.

"Your dorm is on my way; it's not an issue," says Ash.

"Can you give us a minute?" I say to Ash. He nods and walks away to find a vending machine. Once he's gone, I turn my attention to Emma.

"I can drop you," I say.

"It's okay.. I can go with him. Please stay here. I'll be fine. He did bring me here.

"Hmm.. "

She takes my hand again. "Hey, everything will be just fine. I know it."

I give her a nod. "I'm sorry.. I should have called. "

"That's fine. Don't worry about it," she assures me.

Ash returns with a bag of random food items, soda and water; he hands it over to me.

"What's this?" I ask.

"Dude. Just eat it," he says in his usual tone. I grab the bag from him. He looks over at Emma and asks, "Shall we?"

She gives me a hug and asks me to call her if there's any update. Then she leaves with Ash. She really needed to get a car; it bugged me that she took the bus everywhere. When she left, I had a sandwich and some juice from what Ash had gotten and sat in chairs again. The nurses and doctors who were treating my mom were used to me by now. They smiled at me every time they went in to check on her and gave me an update as soon as they came out. I could see the sadness in their eyes every time they spoke to me when they did. The next couple of days passed by in the same way.

As much as I hate to admit it, my dad was incredibly supportive throughout this whole week. He took care of Jo, fed her, took her to school, and even brought me food every time he visited. He was doing more than I was doing at the moment. I actually felt thankful to him.

It was around 2 AM in the morning. I was woken up when a rapid beeping sound started filling the silent room. I could see nurses and doctors hurring into my mom's ICU room. Panic filled my chest. I forced myself to walk up to the door and look inside. All the machines that were plugged into my mom were beeping rapidly, and the doctors were saying a lot of things. I must have been blocking the entrance because a nurse had asked me to step aside. I did move out of their way, but I waited nearby. My ears were ringing so loud that I couldn't hear anything that was going on around me.

I was brought back to reality when the doctor tapped my shoulder and brought my attention to him.

"Justin, where's your father?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was hoarse. "He's at home with... my sister."

"Okay.. I'm sorry I have bad news. Please sit down, he says as he guides me to a chair and makes me sit down.

"I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save your mom. She had an aneurysm in her brain that ruptured," he says in a sad voice.

"What?"

"We couldn't save your mom, Justin. She passed away. I'm sorry for your loss. Do you want the nurse to call your dad?"

"What?" I ask again. Unable to process what he had said. She can't be. No No.. She can't be dead. I mean, she can't. I couldn't say anything. The doctor comforted me by saying something, but I couldn't hear anything except the single thought running through my mind. This can't be real.

I'm not sure how much time passed on. The next voice I heard was my dad.

"Justin... Justin.. are you okay?" he asks me. I look up to him and find tears in his eyes. I look beside him to see Joanna having a terrified look in her face. She holds my dad as if she's about to fall. I reach my hand over to her. She grabs my hand and hugs me and cries. I look up at my dad again.

"She knows..." he says. I just hugged my sister back and let her cry in my arms. I could only feel pain in my chest. I wanted for tears to come, but they didn't. The pain in my chest spread to my throat, closing it up. I didn't speak or cry the entire night.

The funeral was planned for the upcoming weekend. I helped my dad with whatever I could. Nate, Ash, and Emma had shown up at the hospital the next morning after my mom had passed. They haven't left my side since then. Emma helped in cooking and comforting Jo in whatever way she could. She tried speaking to me to let my grief out, but I couldn't. I didn't know why.