Everything with you

Part 36

Justin

"Are you alright?" Emma questions me. I didn't notice her take a seat beside me.

"Fine," I respond.

"You don't seem fine."

I let out a breath in frustration. "Yeah.. not much I can do about it," I snapped.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I grunt out. I notice hurt in her face from my words. She continues to look at me for a second. She lets out a sigh and gets up from the couch and heads upstairs. I watch her go up and then turn my head back and get lost in my thoughts once again.

How am I supposed to just let Joanna leave? I understood what my dad spoke, and I get that he's a better parent than I gave him credit for. He went beyond and above to prove that, but that's my little sister; I've not even been apart from her longer than a week.

"Um.. Joanna's asleep; I'm going to go now." My train of thought is interrupted by Emma's voice.

"What?" I ask.

"Joanna's asleep. I'm going to go to my dorm now", she says again, busy grabbing her jacket from the coat rack.

"What time is it?"

She checks her watch. "Quarter to 12," she says, wearing her jacket.

"Stay," I mumble.

"What?"

"Stay Emma. It's late. I'll drive you back in the morning, I offer. Emma's been at my house most of the time this week except from when she had class. She never spent the night though. Nate or Ash usually dropped her off at her dorm when they left, but today they left early, and I had thought Emma had slept in with Jo.

I could see the indecision in her face, she checks her watch again.

"I have an early class tomorrow.. I don't want to put you out," she says again.

"I have practice tomorrow morning at 5 AM. I'll get you to your dorm soon, you can sleep for a bit and then go to your class, I convince her.

She could sense I wasn't going to let it go.

"Fine.. I'll stay in Jo's room," she says, removing her jacket again.

"You can sleep in my room," I say as I stand up and lead her upstairs.

"Um.. where would you be sleeping?" she questions on the way up.

"I'll sleep on the floor. I have an air mattress.".

Once I lead her into my room, I go to my closet and get her some of my clothes to sleep in. I handed her the clothes and showed her the washroom. I put the mattress on the floor for me to sleep on and lie down. Emma changed in silence and quickly went undercover.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"What?". I heard a question, but I was not sure what to say to her.

"Why won't you talk to me? Or anyone, for that matter. You have been silent since your mom died. It's making us very worried," she says.

I remained silent. I honestly had no answer to that. I've had a million things on my mind since my mom died, but I couldn't put any into words.

"Even now, you choose not to speak. You've got to talk to someone, Justin. It does not have to be me. It can be you, Nate, Ash, or even your dad. You've got to process this."

I listened to everything she said; it made sense, but I couldn't form a single word to respond to her.

"Justin?" Emma calls out my name. When I didn't answer, I heard Emma move towards the end of the bed and look at me. I had my elbow over my eyes, covering them, pretending to sleep. I wanted to answer her; I really did, but I didn't want to do it today. She must have bought my act as she goes back under the covers and tries to sleep. I could hear her even breathing in sometime.

I couldn't sleep the entire week since my mom passed. I had dozed off for a couple of hours, but I couldn't calm my mind for more than that. I tried to focus on Emma's breathing, and somehow I managed to sleep tonight. My alarm buzzed in the morning, waking me up.

I woke up Emma, who was sleeping so peacefully that I didn't have the heart to do so, but I had to wake her up as she had class and I had to get to practice. I had missed practice for the last two weeks. I have to get to practice and start playing from the next game to keep my scholarship. If it were up to me, I wouldn't get out of the house, but I had a team to support. They needed me as much as I need them.

I gently shook Emma's shoulder. She stirred awake.

"Hey.. We've got to go now," I say softly.

"Hmm..." she nods and gets up. I notice she grabbed her clothes to change.

"You can wear those; just put your jacket on," I say as I grab my jersey and cleats and drop them in my sports bag.

Once we were ready, we came downstairs. I quickly went to the kitchen and wrote on the board present on the fridge that I'm leaving for practice. It was something that I always did for my mom. I felt a pang in my chest that she wouldn't read it today. I took a deep breath and pushed the thought down. Emma was waiting for me by the door, her eyes were still sleepy.

"Ready?" I ask.

She yawns and nods her head, which makes me smile. She definitely wasn't a morning person.

"Let's go, Emma," I say as we go out of the house. The ride was quiet; thankfully Emma didn't bring up anything about yesterday.

"You should really get a car, Emma; it would save you a ton of time," I say, breaking the silence.

"Hmm... yeah.. I think I can start looking for a car maybe next month," she responds sleepily. I had brought up this topic earlier too, but she insisted on buying her car with the money she earned. We came to a halt in front of her dorm. I checked my watch, it was quarter to five in the morning. She could get some sleep before her morning class.

"I'll see you soon," I say. She nods and gets out of the car. She makes her way in while I wait; halfway, she stops and turns back, walking towards me. I get out of the car thinking something might be wrong.

She gives me a hug and says, "You know I'm there for you." Just don't block me out.".

I hug her back without saying a word. She lets go of me and gives me a quick kiss and walks back in.

I watched her go in. I wanted to say something in response to her but I couldn't. I could feel my anxiety rise from my stomach. I let out a deep breath, trying to gather my focus. I couldn't lose it now; I need to get to practice.

I knew that I had missed three of our important games, two of which we had lost. Our chances of making it to the super eight were getting slim. Coach Grayson understood my situation, but his patience was also running thin. I walked into the ground after two weeks, and the team and coach had a look of pity in their faces. I hated that look. Ever since the funeral, all people had done was look at me with pity. It made me feel like shit.

"What are you guys standing around looking like that? Get your asses on the ground, do your rounds!" I barked at them.

The guys quickly started jogging without a word. Coach remained silent as I joined them in our warmup. I started out with a full sprint. I ran till my legs hurt, and all I could feel was my breaths filling the cool air in my lungs. At that moment, I couldn't feel anything not even the pain in my heart.