Stuck - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 13

"You start to shake,

you still haven't spoken,

what happened"

Harry’s POV

I had been thinking a lot recently. Mostly about one person. A boy with blue eyes and brown messy hair. But my focus has been on one special thing about Louis. His problem. Whatever it might be. I had been trying so hard to figure it out. But every time it felt as if I got close to it…it just disappeared.

He probably should tell someone about what happened, other ways he was going to break. No doubt. He wasn't strong enough to fix himself, no one was. Everybody needed help from someone no matter if they wanted it or not. He had already gone long enough without telling anyone, without getting helped.

He was lost and broken, you could see it in his eyes. He didn't know where to turn and who to trust. I wished he could trust me enough to tell me what happened but gaining trust was hard and it took time. But I didn't have time. Not enough of time at least.

Three months they said, three months and then I would be able to leave. If everything goes right ‘till then. If I kept up like I did then I was soon free to go. But the problem was: I was not sure if I wanted to go. Of course I wanted to get out from here but I didn't want to leave Louis and the lads. I thought that coming to this home was the best thing that could ever happen to me, how sick it might ever sound. The lads were the best friends I could ever have gotten and I loved them. The nurses and my therapist had helped me to not feel worthless and disgusting and as if I needed to cut. And Louis, what should I say? I didn't even have words to what he had done to me and my life. He was the best person I knew.

Zayn would leave in the end of this month, because he had also gotten so much better. Niall will stay here for a longer while because of something in his past the staff felt like they needed to clear up with him. Liam was doing better but it would take some more time before he was free to go. And Louis. I was not sure when he was going to leave or if he was ever going to. But seriously, he should be able to leave sometime. They coulnd't keep him here until he died. Or maybe they could…if he commited suicide then they keep him ‘till he died. But he couldn't do that. He could not commit suicide. If he was meant to do that then he would already have succeed, right? Right.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Niall asked and I snapped out of my thoughts.

“Oh, just about what I’ll do when I get out from here.” I answered half truly with a smile.

“I see, what will you do?” he asked and now Zayn and Liam turned their attention to me. I smiled at them and shrugged.

“Same old, finish school then get a nice job.” I said and Niall nodded.

“Get yourself a nice girl to marry and settle down with?” Liam said/asked. They didn’t know that I was gay. I hadn’t felt like telling them and it had never really come up.

“Yeah, sure, something like that.” Zayn gave me a weird look but before he could say anything his therapist came and started to talk with him. I sighed and looked out to the garden. It was raining so no one was there. The oak seemed a lot smaller when the wind ripped it and Louis wasn’t sitting there. Speaking of Louis, he should be somewhere around. I actually haven’t seen him all day…

“Do you lads know where Louis is?” I asked shyly trying to sound nonchalant so they wouldn't understand how much I cared.

“He’s 19, huh?” I nodded and Liam continued. “Then he has some school exam thing today.”

“Oh, okay…”

“Why are you wondering?” Niall asked and glared at me. I shrugged and smiled at him. He kept his gaze on me a while longer before he turned to talk with Liam about some hot girl Liam liked. Danielle or something.

What would the lads say if I came out to them? Louis took it surprisingly good. Maybe I should tell them. They deserved to know. I really shouldn’t keep it away from them. But what if they found me disgusting and didn’t want to talk to me anymore? What if they judged me? What if they hated me?

But what if they didn’t? What if they were alright with it? What if they supported me even? They were nice lads, I actually didn't think they would judge me for something like that… Then I noticed Zayn’s therapist had left and it was just us four here. This was a perfect chance. I really should tell them now.

“Lads…can I tell you a thing?” I asked my voice came out stronger than I thought it would have.

“Sure Hazza.” Liam said, using me nickname.

“Promise to not judge or hate me…”

“Just tell us, we’re your friends. You can trust us.” Zayn reassured I took a deep breath to calm myself but I wasn’t really all that nervous. I knew these guys, they are my friends I have nothing to worry about.

“I’m gay.” I said quickly and Liam and Zayn smiled at me but then something that I didn’t expect happened.

“Are you kidding?” Niall asked skeptical.

“No.”

“Is that why you are with that psychic Louis guy?”

“What?” I asked confused.

“So how much are you paying? Ten pound per hour, he must be cheap.” Niall snapped.

“What the fuck man?!” I was seriously starting to get angry. He could insult me as much as he wanted but Louis did not deserve those words.

“Well he always sold his body to the desperate lads who were stupid enough to find him attractive and you probably do since you have such of a bad taste that you even think of being gay. That’s just sick man.” Niall blabbered and I shook my head at him. I opened my mouth to say something but someone beat me on it.

“Grow up Niall, I knew you were stupid but this is just ridiculous.”