Stuck - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 14

"They're coming back

and you just don't know it

and you wanna cry

but there's nothing coming"

Louis’ POV

I was walking towards my room when I heard Harry tell Liam, Zayn and Niall what he had told me a couple of weeks ago.
“I’m gay.” he came out to me before he came out to his friends? I couldn’t help but stop and smile a bit. He trusted me with his secret before he trusted his friends. But then again, Harry and I were friends too.
“Are you kidding?” I heard the Irish irritating lad ask and I made a grimace in disgust. Niall sounded so skeptical. That was not fair to Harry.
“No.” I heard Harry answer a bit less sure and strong on his voice. He had to have built up a lot of courage to tell them and to get a response like that was just unfair. Niall was supposed to be his friend.
“Is that why you are with that psychic Louis guy?” oh so now I was with on the topic too. And ‘psychic’ wasn’t that a bit far? I might not be 100% normal but hey, who was?
“What?” Harry asked confused and that was probably how I would have sounded too in a situation like that. Niall was a weird one.
“So how much are you paying? One pound per hour, he must be cheap” okay, excuse me bitch? That was just sick. Did he really think I was still selling my body. And to Harry? That would just be wrong. Not that there was anything wrong with Harry it was just that…no. I would never ever sell my body again. Not after what happened last time. I got in too deep shit to ever make that mistake again. I had learned my lesson and Niall, if anyone, should know that. Since it was part of his fault. Mostly his fault even but still I got the shit for it.
“What the fuck man?!” Harry half screamed and I could sense that he was getting mad at Niall, I’m actually a bit mad at him too. How could he do this to Harry? Especially now when Harry needed his friends the most. I couldn't believe it.
“Well he always sold his body to the desperate lads who were stupid enough to find him attractive and you probably do since you have such of a bad taste that you even think of being gay. That’s just sick man.” Oh fuck no. Niall you were the sick one. I was not letting him take this any further. Harry didn't deserve it. I walked up to them but no one saw me. Harry looked like he thought of what to answer and Zayn and Liam looked like they wanted to step in but were too scared of doing something wrong or making it worse.
“Grow up Niall, I knew you were stupid but this is just ridiculous.” I said and glared at Niall who jumped slightly when he heard me before he stood up.
“Oh look who’s talking. I thought you stopped selling when you got to feel how wrong it could get.” he said and I pressed my lips together. “Is it still a sore subject for you, Boo Bear?”
“Shut up Niall, all of that was your fault and you know that.” I answered hating how my old nickname my mum gave me sounded from his lips.
“C’mon it wasn’t I who did the illegal stuff and made a man commit suicide. That’s all on you.” he said with a sick smirk. I could feel the others eyes on us but I couldn’t care less.
“But it wasn’t I who told the staff and made him believe that I ratted. You’re a coward, I got to take the shit that you were supposed to get.” I snapped and Niall laughed. He fucking laughed right up in my face.
“If I were ‘supposed’ to get it, don’t you think I would have gotten it any other way? It was meant to be you. You deserved everything that man did to you. You deserved the pain, memories and to have his blood on your hands. It has always been your fault.” he said and I felt like throwing him out from the window but of course I couldn’t do that. I was just about to say something sassy in comeback but Harry caught me of.
“What are you talking about?” he asked and Liam and Zayn nodded.
“Nothing.” I answered and Niall laughed again.
“Haven’t you told your costumer about what happened? What a shame.”
“Shut up Niall, Harry is not mine or anyone else’s customer. And he has nothing to do with this.” I answered feeling anger rise once again inside me.
“Is someone getting defensive over his boyfriend?” Niall asked and smirked.
“He is not my boyfriend.” I spat at him and Niall smiled at me.
“I know, no one will ever love you I was just messing a bit with you. But we’re losing the topic, Louis do you want to tell them what happened less than two years ago, or should I?” he wasn’t serious, this was not the way Harry would find out. He would find out when I was ready and we were alone. Not like this.
“Don’t you even dare.” I threatened and Niall smirked.
“A couple of years ago there was a man who lived here, Josef, somehow he had gotten both a gun and a lot of drugs in here. One of the drugs was Meth, the one Louis was addicted to. So Louis sold his body for one night to Josef and got some Meth to smoke. It was in the middle of the night when I walked out and saw Louis sitting by the oak smoking something. And since that’s forbidden I told the staff. The staff watched the security camera and saw that Louis had been in Josef’s room so they emptied it from the drugs.” Niall made a pause and smiled at me. Harry was watching me wide eyed and his face looked like it was asking me if it was true. “Then Josef killed himself.”
“You forgot the part where Josef thought it was all my fault and that I had told the staff and he wanted me to repay him for all the drugs he lost. All because of you” I filled in and Niall smirked at me.
“That’s the best part when he got his repay without your permission and when he couldn’t handle the withdrawal he got from not using drugs he shot himself in front of your eyes so you knew what you had done to him.”
“You were there too. You saw what he did too.”
“Yeah but it was your entire fault.” Niall said and I gave him a sarcastic smile.
“Nice to know your option on the whole but if you don’t mind I have better things to do than talking to you.” I said before I left. I could feel myself crumbling down and my walls breaking. My breaths were getting uneven and I found it hard to breathe at all. I could feel my heart ache over the hurtful words and over the fact that Harry now knew about what happened. Sure, he didn’t know any detail in how I got to pay back to Josef but I think he could guess. And yes, there was a difference on selling your body and repaying with it, ‘cause I hadn’t a choice in it and I didn’t get anything from it except a lot of pain. I was nearing my door when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Wait Louis.”
“What do you want Harry? I was about to take a shower so if you don’t mind I would like to stick to my plan.” I said not turning to face him because I knew my eyes would give away my feelings. He would see that I was hurt, sad and just completely lost. I didn’t know where to turn, who to trust or what to do. It was in cases like this I’d love to cry, but I couldn't. I hadn’t cried since I was eight and I didn’t see it happening anytime soon either.
“Stop Louis. Talk to me. You need someone right now, whatever you like it or not so let’s go inside and talk.” I didn’t have the strength to argue so I obeyed and opened the door and let Harry in. Harry went straight to my bed and patted the space beside him. I still didn’t look in his eyes when I sat down. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t trust my voice, it would just tremble and give away that I was scared. I was scared of this life, of the things I had been through and the things I had done. I was scared of myself.
“Look at me Louis, please.” Harry begged and I shook my head. I couldn’t let him see all this, he couldn't know how weak and insecure I really was. He had always gotten to see my sassy, happy, joking strong side never my ‘real’ side with the emotions I was usually so good at hiding. Of course he had seen my slightly depressed side every now and then. But it wasn’t the same thing.

I felt Harry’s hand under my chin lifting up my head carefully so our eyes met. His green eyes were full of worry and concern.

“I don’t care about what happened in your past it’s the present and future that counts and from what Niall said it sound more like his fault than yours. Don’t blame yourself, or lock yourself in. I can sense that you’re scared but it will get better.” Harry said and once again I felt like crying but all I could do was sniff, no tears.
“If it was meant to get better it would already have. I’ve tried everything Harry and nothing worked so if you know so much then sure, tell me what to do. I’m more than happy to listen to what you think.” I spat. I knew I was being hard on him but I really couldn’t care less. All my emotions were building up because I never let them out, I just saved them until it all crashed. Earlier I cut to let go of my emotions but now I couldn’t so I didn’t know what to do with them.
Suddenly Harry threw a pillow at me. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Scream in it, it will help for now.” I don’t know why but I trusted him so I screamed as loudly as I could in the pillow and he was right, it felt a bit better when I was finished.
“Thank you.” I whispered.