Stuck - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 17

"It all began with the man and country
Every plan turns
another century around again
And another nation fallen"

Harry’s POV

“It’s so peaceful here.” I said as Louis and I sat under the oak. He gave me a small smile and nodded. Today was the day Zayn left the house and I missed him somewhat already. We both had a heart to heart talk before he left so I knew he was supporting me through everything. He told me he had his suspicions about me being gay or at least bi and when I asked why he just smiled at me. I think he knew something I didn't and that was a bit creepy to be honest.
But now he was gone. He left this morning and the evening was starting to kick in by now.
“I know. It’s the only place where I feel calm.” Louis said and I looked deep into his eyes. He didn’t have the typical blue color, his eyes were more of the ice blue way. Not ice blue in a bad way, but in a nice beautiful way. How did he even success to be so beautiful? It was like he just stepped out from a magazine. Beautiful. That was what he was.
I didn't know nor understand  when or how but I suddenly felt Louis’ breathe on my face and he was very close. Close enough to kiss. I leaned in a bit more, not breaking the eye contact and just as I was about to kiss him he backed away with an awkward cough. I looked down on the ground. Why was I so stupid? Louis was straight. And still it would not be fair of me to kiss him when I was leaving so soon.
“I’m sorry Harry. It’s not that I don’t like you or anything. I’m just not ready.” I heard Louis whisper so quietly I almost thought I imagined it. Did he just confess that he liked me? But why? Why did he like me? Did I like Louis? As more than a friend? That was not even in question. Yes. I liked Louis. I liked him very much. More than I should.
“It’s okay. We’ve got time.” I lied. We didn’t have time and it certainly wasn’t okay. I couldn’t leave Louis if I knew he had more than friendly feelings toward me. I couldn’t do that. But he never said he did, I reminded myself. Louis only said that he did not dislike me so…oh who am I kidding. He more or less said he liked me and that when he was ready he wanted a relationship with me.
Was that even legal? For two persons at the home to date each other? There probably was some rule against it. We would never be able to have a relationship with each other. Why was I so negative? I was usually happy and positive… Oh well, you couldn't be happy all the time I guess.
“We should go in, it’s a bit cold.” Louis said and I nodded before we walked in to the mansion. Inside the mansion it wasn't peaceful at all and people went around everywhere. It all looked crowded.
"Can we go to your room? Or should we go to mine?" I asked and Louis shrugged but went in the direction to his own so I followed. We reached his room in what felt like no time and went and sat down on the bed.
Louis sighed deeply and I turned to him. He was looking slightly pale or was it just the light?
"Are you alright?" I asked unsure and Louis looked at me with his big blue eyes and nodded. He then closed his eyes and laid down carefully on the bed. I just sat there beside him, watching him. He wasn't alright. Something was wrong. Was it because of the almost kiss? Or did I do something else?
After about three minutes of just sitting and watching Louis he opened his eyes. It was something in his gaze I couldn't put my finger on. Something wasn't quiet right.
"What?" Louis asked and I gave him a stern look. He raised his eyebrows and I gave him my best 'Tell-me-what's-wrong' look and he sighed. "I am alright Harry. I'm fine there is nothing to worry about." he said but I knew that he could tell that I didn't believe him.
"Don't lie to me, please. You don't have to tell me what it is but don't lie." I pleaded and Louis shook his head.
"Why are you doing this Harry?" he asked and I waited for him to continue. "Why are you here? Why do you pretend that you care? Why did you try to kiss me? Why don't you go back to Liam and Niall, they're your friends?"
"Slow down Louis. I like you, I do. I'm not pretending anything. I like spending time with you and you know what Niall said about me. And about you. I don't want to be friends with somebody like him." I said and Louis shook his head.
"There is nothing about me to like so just stop. Stop lying to yourself. I'm not special. I'm not nice. I'm not funny. I'm not handsome. And I'm mostly not someone you want to be in a relationship or have a friendship with." Louis said and now it was mine turn to shake my head at him.
"You're wrong. You are loveable. You're amazing and the most beautiful person I've ever met. You're the one who's lying to yourself." he just smiled sadly at me.
"Sooner or later you will get tired of me and realise that I was right from the start." how could he not believe me? Why did he have such self hatred? Who made him believe in those lies? But one thing was sure, I was going to make him so how wonderful he really was.