Stuck - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 16

"You start to shake,
you still haven't spoken,
what happened"

Harry's POV

Two and a half months. I had to get Louis to trust somebody else in less than three months. He didn't tell me anything until my fourth month here. And I didn't know all yet. I really had no idea what to do. It was all too complicated to just fix. I was not smart, I was not good at things like this. I could understand math and so but this was something else. This was someone’s life, I didn't know how to work with it. There was no key to tell what I should do. There was no one to teach me and if I do wrong, then it would be a permanent mistake. It would either break or it would  bend and I was terrified.

But Louis really should tell somebody about what happened, other ways hewas going to break. No doubt. I knew a bit about what happened, more than I did before. But someone else had to know too. I had to help him before I left. Other ways I was not leaving. But I couldn't really stay either. I couldn't stay in a place like this. It was not my life, i was not what I wanted. Of course I wanted to stay and help Louis, but I wanted to explore the world. Meet people, tell stories, hear stories and create stories. I wanted to live! I wanted to live life and see what it had to give and take. I couldn't do all that here.
I had to go my own way. Louis was used to be alone and I had probably helped him already. In a couple of months he would be able to take care of himself and I wouldn't have anything to worry about. That was how it would go. I would get better, he would get better and the whole world would get better. In my dreams or what. That was not how reality worked. I would leave this place and Louis would go back to how he used to be but would have it even harder to trust anyone. And it would be my entire fault. Because I made him trust me, somewhat at least and then I just left. Yeah, that seemed like such a bust to his confident and trusting issue.
Why was life complicated? Why couldn't it just be unicorns and rainbows? Happiness and love. Nothing bad, just great things? Why couldn't everybody just be happy for once? Why couldn't the world be a beautiful place? No war, no hate, no judgment, no starving, no depression and no pain.
I sighed and rubbed my face. The day was going awfully slow and especially now when the teacher was talking about some boring English history. I didn't even know what it was about. I forgot to listen halfway through. Or forgot and forgot…

A few rows in front of me Louis was sitting resting his head against his palm and watching the teacher with a slightly interested look. He kept scribbling down notes from the whiteboard and listened to what Mrs. Holms were saying. How did he even stay awake?

I had one more goal before I left. I was going to make Louis happy. For one day if not more. I wanted him to feel real happiness. I wanted him to give me a real happy smile. I was going to make him smile more, I was going to make him happy. I had to. I really needed to, it was just something I got to do. Make Louis happy.

I sighed and tried to listen to Mrs. Holms.

***

”So you have no idea what we went through in history class? God Harry what did you do whole class?” Louis asked as we sat on the floor in my room. We were really just small talking and came to the subject; School.

“I wasn’t interested in what she said and she was not understandable either way.” I said and Louis shook his head with an half amused look.

“You are such a dork. She was actually talking about the French revolution and how it affected England and the life today. It was understandable if you listened and paid attention to it.” Louis said and I sighed and shrugged.

“You’re smarter than me so it’s easier to you.” I said and Louis shook his head again.

“Why would I be smarter than you?” he asked and I smiled at him.

“You see, you’re actually about what? Two years older than me so it’s normal if you’re smarter. You should be smarter than me and from what I’ve seen you get an A in almost every class.”

“You do forget that I didn’t go to school when I was fourteen to sixteen. I lived on the street and did drugs and sold my body instead of learning good things.” he said and winked at me. He was right thought, I hadn’t been thinking about the fact that he hadn’t gone to school those years. He spent his life on drugs and sex. He sold sex. Oh god, I hadn't thought of it like that before. He actually sold his body  people and most of them has to have been older than thirty. What a way to spend your life. And to sell sex, that was not…that was not. It was just not right! Someone was paying to do something that was priceless. Sex was about love and you couldn't buy love. Not real love at least. I would never be able to sell my body like that, I wanted my first time to be with somebody I love. Who didn't pay to see me or touch me. And yes my first time. My step dad didn’t let me have boyfriends and I had never met anyone I wanted to do it with so it just never happened. I wanted it to be special now when I had saved it so long.

“What are you thinking so hard of? Are you alright? Did I say something stupid again?” Louis asked concerned and a question popped up in my mind.

“Do you even know who took your virginity?” I asked and almost slapped myself of how stupid it sounded. I couldn't just ask people things like that. Louis looked at me with a slightly offended look before he nodded.

“Yes. What about you do you know who stole your innocence.” he snapped and I felt bad for asking him. That was a personal question and I made it sound like he had slept with hundreds of men. But maybe he had. But even then he should know who was his first time. I might not have done it but it feels like you should remember it.

“I…uhm…I’ve never slept with someone. Nor have I had any sort of relationship.” I said blushing and Louis gave me a weird look.

“Are you telling me you’re a virgin? Like seriously, you could get anyone with those curls and that smile with dimples. Why?” he asked and I blushed even more at his statement. Did he just compliment my curls and my smile? If he did I think I might just die.

“Uhm, yes I’m a virgin and like my stepdad didn’t let me have a boyfriend so it just never happened.” I said slowly and Louis shook his head.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never been in a relationship either but no one but myself has ever stopped me from it. And let me tell you, I think you’re lucky to be a virgin so hold on to it. I lost my virginity before I was even legal and it was to a forty year old man who also taught me how to use drugs.” Louis said and we sat quiet for a while. “His name was Josef. It was the same man as Niall talked about before.” Louis said after a long pause and he sighed. He looked out from the window and I didn’t really know what to say to make him feel better.

“It will be okay. One day you’ll find someone who you love and who loves you equal. You’ll meet someone who understands and who loves you for who you are and who doesn’t judge you. One day.” I said and Louis smiled sadly and shook his head.

“I don’t believe you.” was all he said and I smiled at him.

“You just have to wait and see, in the end we will see who was right.” I said and Louis shrugged. He rested his head on my shoulder and sighed deeply. I sniffed slightly in the cologne of his shampoo and smiled into his hair. It was something about Louis that just felt right and that scared me. He made me feel more than I should and it would not end well. I knew from the beginning that I was attract to Louis somehow but if it was the way I thought then everything would turn bad. I can only hope I was wrong.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait (5 days...woops). Hope you're not too mad, I just haven't had any inspiration to write. But either way, I hope you liked the chapter hopefully it won't take too long til the next one. Thanks for reading, voting, fanning and commenting!

/Agnes :)