I decided that this is the only book I will be making of these characters and this is the chapter after everything that happened after the ending.
Sahanii Rose Lee
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4 YEARS AFTER SINCE THE PASSING OF MILAN CHARLOTTE, NC
Greif isn't loud. It's not screaming or crying. Its quiet. It's the silence that follows.
After the world moves on, and you're still stuck in that moment, trying to figure out how to keep going without you.
How do I move on from a life that me and her built together but only I...only I can live the life we built.
"Thank you Sahanii for sharing your feelings and emotions, we greatly appreciate you" Ms Hazel rubbed my hands gently.
"Sahanii if this you are comfortable with sharing, in this moment does this take you back to that very vulnerable moment?" I looked around at all the other people that were in the widow family group.
I nodded and bit my lip blinking away my tears, "yes it does, after 4 years it's like it's still 1hour after when I found out."
"And how does that make you feel?" Ms.Hazel asked.
"Like I have no control, like if I didn't let her walk through those doors, if I could've did something but I didn't. I have a big burden on my chest."
"Do you think when Milan walked through those doors knowing she will never see the people she loved most, how do you think Milan felt when she kissed your daughter goodbye?" My friend that I made from the group handed me some tissues.
"Umm I don't know probably, sick to her stomach because I know her very well" I said, Ms Hazel nodded her head giving me a simple smile.
"even though I know she's gone I still have yet to accept she's gone" finally admitting what I've been holding in to say.
"You are blessed with memories and yet you're haunted by them. Alone is scaring, especially when your mind and heart is preparing for the change."
"You did everything you could, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You have two amazing daughters that need you. You are doing great and us mommas got you, I promise" One of the girls from the group said to me.
We had a group hug and later I walked out without an heavy chest. Finally without a heavy chest.
————
"We're coming momma" Kaomi and Kiyari ran to Milan grave stone as I walked with everything in my arms.
We're going to have a picnic, every Saturday with have picnics for family time. "Girls can you help mommy spread out the blanket." I said. They ran back to me and their clothes were already a little wet.
I built a little in ground water and sand box over Milan stone so the girls could play sometimes the wind would move the water and the girls truly believe that it's Milan that is the wind.
After I let them play and we talked about their day. "I love coloring mommy, at school I got to stay inside and I colored it was fun" Kaomi said.
I kissed her on the forehead, "that's good baby maybe you can color me something" She nodded her head as I fed Kiyari.
"Okay, it's getting kind of late say bye to momma and we'll see her later" they blew kisses to the sky and we left and went home.
I put the girls to bed and walked into my now single shared room.
I kept flipping over and was still up and I turned to look over at the night stand and grabbed the picture on our honeymoon and saw that we were matching outfits and she surprised me on getting matching nails with me.
On the side was note she left in the letters, "you know I'll never really leave you, I'll always be right here and although I'll never disappear. So please won't you stop crying. Give your heart a chance to heal. Because although I may be gone from sight, I feel everything you feel." In Milan hand writing.
I turn over and feel how cold the sheets were feeling all the emotions come back, I started counting.
Same thing Milan did.
"Mommy can I sleep with you?" Kaomi said through the door. I got up and opened the door and she climbed in bed and the bed was now warm.
