What Love Feels Like

Eleven | 'Friends'

Ariella

Y'know, I always underestimate Audrey's gut feeling for things and it always ends up slapping me right in my face.

Like today, after contemplating and more contemplating, I decided to go out with friends at the mall.

Bad. Freaking. Idea.

I arrive at the restaurant and find the booth they're sitting at. They are too busy in a conversation to notice I'm standing right in front of them so I greet, "Hey guys!"

To my utmost confusion, they all fall silent as they give each other side glances after finally seeing me.

My stomach falls, if that's even possible.

Something feels wrong.

You know, if a table falls silent just when you sit down, they were talking about you.

"Oh, hi, Ari." They all say, one after the other, giving me a strained smile.

I sit on the seat next to Janice, giving her a small smile, happy to see her after such a long time.

To my relief, the conversation flows through with no tension at all.

The conversation that I am not included in.

I have no idea what they're laughing about as Leila complains about their new Math teacher, while contrary to my normal self, I stay silent and listen.

The teacher topic lasts for only a few minutes and then the topic of guys gets brought up.

And to my misery, it goes on for quite a long time. I try to talk about my school life or how many assignments I have or anything, anything at all-they just nod absent-mindedly.

Okay, maybe I'm boring but can they please talk about something else?

If we're all girls just having a good time - kinda - why do we have to bring up the males we're trying to have a break from?

"Yes, oh my goodness, Liam and the way he plays basketball," Nailea breathes.

Irritation flares through me, since when did they become so... So boy crazy?

I snap, "Don't you all have any better topic to talk about, than talking about guys all the time?"

I know that it's not about me and I know that it's not my place to be mad at for them not having the interest of my life- they really don't have to, but I mean, they see each other everyday, they know what's going on in each other's lives. It seems that I'm the only one that's stuck. Stuck in the same place I was when I had left. Everybody moved on.

It hurts even more when I realize that they weren't even the ones who added me to the group chat. It was Jackson. Who I wondered how he even got into that group chat in the first place because he wasn't close with them at all.

I asked him that and he gave me a shrug and said, "I really don't know, Riri. It was fucking weird that I was the only dude there and when I noticed you weren't added it was even weirder. So I just added you and removed myself from there."

They could've at least just asked me if I had adjusted in my new school, or-or I don't know, anything, about me. Just to make me feel that I'm not the only one who feels like they've missed out.

They all look at each other again after looking at me who had just snapped at them, an oddly self conscious feeling fills in me.

"Friends are those you feel most comfortable around, those who check on you every once in a while like how you do for them.if they don't do this they're not your friends, Ariella." Audrey's fed-up voice seeps my thoughts, giving me a lecture when I had cried for the fifth time about them not reaching out to me or giving me the same excited energy I gave them.