GENESIS FOR GEN Z

CHAPTER 3

So, this serpent was slicker than any other critter the LORD God had whipped up. It hit up the woman like, "Did God really say you can't eat from any tree in the garden?"

The woman clapped back, "We can snack on fruit from the garden trees, no prob. But that tree in the middle," she said, "God was like, 'Don't eat or even touch that, or it's game over.'"

The serpent was all, "Nah, you won't die. God knows the second you eat from it, you'll be woke, seeing things like he does, knowing what's up and what's down."

The woman peeped that the tree was snack-worthy, easy on the eyes, and legit for leveling up wisdom. So, she took a bite, passed it to her man, and he chowed down too. Suddenly, they realized they were in the buff, so they DIY'd some fig tree fits.

When they heard the LORD God taking a stroll in the garden during the chill part of the day, Adam and his lady went stealth mode among the trees. The LORD God hit up Adam, "Where you at?"

Adam was like, "Heard you coming and dipped 'cause I was rocking my birthday suit."

God's like, "Who spilled the beans about your no-clothes situation? You didn't snack on that one tree I told you to avoid, did you?"

Adam pointed fingers, "The woman you paired me with handed me fruit from the tree, so yeah, I ate."

The LORD God turned to the woman, "What's this you've done?" And she's like, "The serpent played me, and I ate."

Then to the serpent, "You're cursed more than any pet or wild animal. You're belly-flopping and eating dust for life."

"And it's on sight between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers. You'll try to headshot her seed, but he'll stomp on your head."

To the woman, "Pain level's gonna spike, especially when you're having kids. You'll crave your man, but he's calling the shots."

To Adam, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the no-no tree, the ground's cursed because of you. Life's gonna be a grind."

"The ground's gonna throw thorns and thistles your way, and you'll be living off the land."

"You'll sweat it out for bread until you're back to dust, 'cause from dust you came, and to dust you'll return."

Adam named his wife Eve because she was gonna be the OG mom.

The LORD God hooked them up with leather threads for a wardrobe upgrade. God's like, "Look at man, all knowing like us. But we can't have him living forever." So, he booted them from Eden's garden to work the ground from where Adam was sculpted. He set up cherubim and a lightsaber to guard the way to the tree of life, making sure no one could ever hit it up again.