CHAPTER 15

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Post all that drama, God hit up Abram in a vision like, "Don't sweat it, Abram. I've got your back, and I'm your epic bonus."

Abram was like, "Yo, God, what's the deal? I'm here without a kid, and my main man Eliezer from Damascus is all I've got for an heir." Abram added, "You haven't hooked me up with any kids, so someone from my crew is gonna inherit everything."

Then God clapped back, "Nah, this Eliezer dude won't be your heir. Your own kid will be." God took him outside, "Check out the stars. If you can count them, that's how many descendants you'll have."

Abram was all in, trusting God, and God was like, "Cool, that counts as being righteous."

Then God was like, "I'm the one who got you out of Ur to give you this awesome land."

Abram's like, "But how can I be sure I'll really get it?"

God said, "Bring me a three-year-old heifer, a three-year-old goat, a three-year-old ram, a dove, and a young pigeon."

Abram got all that, cut them in half (except the birds), and set up a path between the halves. When birds tried to snack on the carcasses, Abram shooed them away.

As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a terrifying darkness swallowed him. God told Abram, "Your descendants will be strangers in a foreign land, oppressed for 400 years, but I'll judge that nation, and your folks will leave with mad wealth. You'll peace out at a ripe old age, all chill. After four generations, your descendants will come back here, 'cause the Amorites aren't quite ripe for judgment."

Sun sets, it gets dark, and suddenly, a smoking firepot and a flaming torch slide between the animal halves. That day, God made a deal with Abram, promising him and his descendants the land from Egypt's river to the big river Euphrates, including turf from various tribes like Kenites and Amorites. Plus, the Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaims, and others like the Canaanites, Girgashites, and Jebusites.

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