Pita, continued

Chap.11, Florida.

Hey.

I know what you're thinking. 

"Hold on, you can't just change a story's perspective to present day in the middle!" 

I know. And I shouldn't even be writing right now. I'm in art, and I should be working on art right now. But I can't. I just have to write. Right. Now. Nothing happened. In fact, my life has been pretty quiet recently. But I'm sitting here, in 6th hour 5 minutes before English, wearing Colten's hoodie, and holding back tears. I don't really feel like I'm going to cry, although I have every reason to. It's like the feeling of pressure on your eyes and nose before you start to cry. And the sinking feeling you get in your chest. But I'm sitting here laughing and talking. It's all fake, I'm not as strong as I seem. Here's some backstory so you understand why I'm feeling this way. 

 I had just gotten back from Florida. It was fun but also emotional. I went with my grandma like I did in the summer. Except this time my sister came with us instead of my brother. We almost went place, except for the fact that it was destroyed by the hurricane. About a month after me and my brother stayed in Florida, the entire island of Fort Myers was hit by a hurricane. When my sister and I went back we saw the damage, it was bad. We met up with our aunt, and she took us to her house where my brother and I stayed. Walking up the crumbling stairs, and looking at the house I loved, I almost cried. I don't like to bring back memories of the house. I don't like describing how I saw it gutted, walls missing, and rooms empty. But I will anyways. The rest of the time in Sarasota was fun though. Sitting on the back porch of our beach house, swimming in the freezing ocean besides our grandma telling us not to, and almost getting kicked out for being too loud. Since it was cold, we shopped almost every day. What I'll remember for a long time though is the plane ride home. I was exhausted, but I didn't want to go home. It felt like I was leaving my home. I didn't want to leave again. Especially after what happened the last time I did. And I cried as the plane took off and looked at the sunset over the ocean as we ascended. I closed my eyes for the majority of the flight. I wasn't asleep. I just kind of, thought... I thought about how my life was before everything I had experienced that week. I was so at peace. 

I thought about Haris. I always thought about Haris. It was funny, because I hadn't really missed him the whole week. Sure, I thought about him, but I didn't really miss him. I was enjoying my time not having to worry about impressing him or trying and failing to talk to him. 

As we got closer to home, my sister and I swore we could see lightning in the darkness outside our window. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, we were on the ground. And everything kind of felt the same as it did when we left. But not really. I knew this time it was going to be different. It was like coming full circle. Coming back from spring break, thinking about one boy. 

After I had gotten Colten's hoodie. I wasn't really sure what I felt about him, if anything. I tried so hard to just make up my mind and not think about anyone but Haris. I was excited, but a little nervous coming back from spring break. For one reason in particular. See, before we left English on Friday our teacher told us we would be getting new seats. That was daunting itself, but there was a twist. Since we had testing coming up, we had to sit in rows instead of tables of four. When I came to English on Friday the seating chart was on a desk in the front of class. I held my breath as I reluctantly looked at it. I looked at the people at my table, and breathed a sigh of relief, (and a little disappointment) as I saw Haris wasn't at my table. But just as I was about to find my seat, I decided to look at who was sitting in the row behind me. My suspicions were warranted, as I saw that Haris sat directly behind me. I was so mad! Now, I couldn't make eye contact with him during class, or stare at him from afar. Also, I couldn't tell if he was looking at me!

On Wednesday that week, there was a half day. During lunch, my friends asked me to go outside. I refused because it was cold outside. 

"Now, if I had a boy's hoodie... I could go outside."

So, Mimi got Colten's hoodie for me. At first, I had just planned to wear it outside and give it back once I came back in. The more I wore it, the less I wanted to give it back. It was so comfortable! So, I wore it to my next class. 

He won't mind, I'll just give it back to him in English.

(I didn't, by the way)

At the end of the day, Allie and I started walking to our lockers. We always did because they were right next to each other. As we walked Colten asked,

"Hey, do you just want to keep it?" 

I wasn't really sure what he meant, I thought he was meaning until the next day. So, I wore it the rest of the day and the next day. Then the next day in English I threw it at him. 

"You can have it if you want, I have too many hoodies, I need to get rid of some."

Uhm.

Pardon.

WHAT!?

He does know that if a boy offers a girl his hoodie forever, they're basically dating. Right???

I politely declined, and me and Allie both screamed in excitement. And so, I'm sitting here a week later, wearing another one of his hoodies. I'm contemplating basically everything. I know I have to make possibly one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, and I don't know if I can.