Pita, continued

Chap.16, Feathers.

My birthday month, June, is my favorite time of the year. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I felt like everything was going great, and it would all be smooth sailing from there. Then came my birthday party. I invited the following people to my birthday party: Alexa obviously (but she couldn't make it), Mary, Leila, Allie, Chloe, Adriana, and Emilia. After the main party there was a sleepover at my house. Both Mary and Emilia had to leave for the sleepover part. It was a fun sleepover, don't get me wrong. It was actually very funny. We had gotten bored, so we decided to pass the time by acting out a ridiculous fanfiction we found. Anyways, after that happened, we decided to call Tawana. I mentioned her being in my PE class before. She was also a friend of Haris's. 

Now, let me preface this by saying Tawana is...an interesting character. Don't get me wrong, I love her a lot. She was a transfer student from Africa. Not saying that has anything to do with anything, just trying to give you a sense for who she is. Her English is good, but she does have a certain way of speaking that's kind of amusing. But she's incredibly funny and sweet. Although, she did have a knack for drama at times... So, when Allie called her during the sleepover, naturally we started talking about boys. As it turns out Tawana had a crush on Haris too. Not nearly for as long as I did, and she didn't anymore at the time. Then she told me something that kind of broke my heart. Now, Haris being Bosnian...I had know he was Muslim basically ever since I first met him. But up until then, I wasn't privy to what that entailed. Basically, Tawana enlighted me that Haris did not want a girlfriend. Or, at least, he wasn't looking for one. And if he did want one, she would have to be Muslim and a hijabi and all that. Now, I took what Tawana was saying with a grain of salt. She had been known to exaggerate before, but still. This made me feel like I was going to cry. Because, if Haris wanted a girlfriend, then I was definitely not his type. Then, Tawana started talking about Emil, who she also had a crush on at the same time I did. Which I didn't mind as much. I actually kind of shipped them. And Tawana told me,

"Oh, yeah, Emil? He doesn't really care. He's down for any type of girl." 

That made me feel a little more hopeful, but he still wasn't who I really wanted to be with. I wanted Haris. I always had. But the fact that I couldn't be with him was starting to seem more and more apparent. As the night went on, so did my emotions. While everyone had fallen asleep, I was left still awake. I thought about what Tawana said about Haris and cried. I cried because I felt like I couldn't be what he needed me to be. I cried because I wished I was born Muslim. I cried because I wished I was the type of girl that he wanted. Eventually, I fell asleep, teary-eyed. I said goodbye to everyone that morning and was lowkey relieved when I had some time to myself again. Though when I was alone in my room, I felt...empty. The fun of the sleepover was over, and I was left wondering, "what now?" 

I was starting to feel sort of hopeless. Like everything I had just built my life around was a lie. Kind of how I felt like when Harper broke up with me. I was feeling kind of dreadful. As the morning went on, I found myself just thinking. And the more I thought, the more I realized I wasn't willing to give up on Haris. Avery it's a quitter. I didn't want to put myself through the process of moving on form him either. I still wanted to try. I made a promise to myself, right then and there. If I did end up with Haris, then good. My hard work had paid off. But if I didn't, then I would never stop loving him. And I swore to myself that no matter what happened, I would keep trying. So, I did.

I sobbed as I swore to myself. Then I asked the universe for something. I wanted a sign that everything was going to be okay. I asked for feathers. It was an odd request, I admit. But I walked out into my backyard and up to my favorite tree, just to calm myself down. And under the tree, that very morning, I found 18 bluejay feathers scattered on the ground. I sobbed in gratitude as I picked them up one by one. I then put them into a little box. I took it as a sign from the universe that everything was going to be okay. I decided from that moment forward, whenever I saw a feather, it would be a sign. And boy, did my collection start to grow.