Pita, continued

Chap.23, C.C.

All of July I was anxiously awaiting church camp. I had a really good time at the last retreat in March, and Jacob was actually coming this time. Although I was a little nervous, because I was sure that if something happened between us at camp, I wouldn't be able to resist falling in love with him. I was so worried I would come back from church camp with a boyfriend. Turns out I was right to be worried. However, it wasn't Jacob that was the problem this time...

It seemed like this entire year people from previous seasons of my life have been returning randomly. This camp was no exception. Remember Tyler? The boy from Farmington Missouri who I met last summer? Well, he's important, so don't forget. 

The whole time leading up to camp, especially the drive there, I was so terrified I was going to see Tyler again. Because I knew I couldn't stop thinking about him the first time. I was so scared of what could happen, but I was also hoping he would be there. I thought I would be pretty devastated if I never saw him again. So low and behold my excitement when I walked into the chapel lobby at camp, and I recognized him. Although I was excited, I tried to remind myself what stopped me from fully liking him the first time. Apparently, he was 17. Apparently. But he didn't look 18, or act like it. So who's to say that was even true? Well, once I was really sure that it was actually him, my friend group decided to talk to him again and see if he remembered us. He did, and we had to re-teach him our names, which was pretty funny. However, in that conversation we learned that he was NOT 17, and in fact...15??! It turns out, HE WAS MY AGE THIS ENITRE TIME? Welp, then came my feelings, back again. 

I tried so hard to think about Haris that week, but I couldn't stop thinking about Tyler. I had officially declared my crush on him to my friend group, and the rest was history. Well, not exactly. The week progressed and our friend group kept talking to Tyler. I kept trying to get closer to him and would get way too excited when I actually did. The entire time I was thinking, "There's no way this is real, right?" Oh, but it was. Towards the end of the week something happened that crushed my spirits a bit. It was the last full day of camp, and Tyler asked my friend Reagan for her number. I sort of overreacted, but I couldn't stop crying. Especially since I had been planning on getting his Instagram that very day. Reagen rejected him of course, and she felt bad about it even though it wasn't her fault. I decided that I wasn't going to let that deter me. This was my chance, and I wasn't going to miss it again.

I had written Tyler a note with my number on it and put it into his envelope for positive messages and letters, (I wrote him one too). And on the very last day of camp when everyone was getting ready to leave, I decided to track him down. I wasn't going to let him get away again. While our friend group was saying goodbye, I flirted with Tyler a bit and told him he had pretty eyes. I then asked for his Instagram, which he actually gave to me. I was incredibly excited, even more so when he seemed happy to give it to me. That very same day we started texting, and things escalated from there. And one day, before I knew it, he was my boyfriend. I think it happened while I was at the lake with my family, when he told me he loved me for the first time. I hadn't really expected it to play out that way. Honestly, I was in over my head and had kind of flirted myself into a hole. We had only been talking for a few weeks when he said it, and I started thinking, "Please, please be a joke." Because a large part of my heart still belonged to Haris. But I really liked Tyler, and thought I might love him back. So, I was willing to try and make it work. Afterall, it was nice to finally be dating someone who I liked first for once. I was so incredibly happy and proud of myself. And I don't regret the relationship because I think it taught me a lot of things. For one: I'm not as ugly as I think, two: I am deserving of love, three: it is actually possible for a guy I like to like me back. The last part was the most surprising aspect of the whole thing.

Was I definitely out of Tyler's league? Sure, but I didn't think so, nor did I care. I was actually starting to picture what a future with him would look like. And it was fun, at the time. July gave way to August, and it was almost time to go back to school. Which almost leads us to where we are now. Almost.

I was partaking in a lot of activities outside of school. Volleyball camp, tennis camp, then tennis tryouts soon after. I was making a lot of new friends, and dare I say I was starting to feel...popular? That was a new feeling for me. But it felt good. Tyler and I were still dating, however with school approaching and the prospect of me seeing Haris again, I was losing feelings. I felt bad, I knew going into this I probably wouldn't be able to get over Haris that easily. Turns out I was right. I often am when it comes to how things could go wrong. I told Chloe my concerns with Tyler one day at tennis, and she agreed with me, and told me to break up with him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that yet. After all, whether or not me and Haris would even work out remained to be seen. It's not like that was the only reason I wanted to break up though. Firstly, I had never meant for it to be that serious in the first place. Secondly, I felt like things were moving way too fast, and all of that combined with the fact that I don't really do long distance relationships was starting to seem like it might be too overwhelming for me once school started. Of course, the main reason was Haris, but there was no way in hell I would ever tell Tyler that. He was way too sweet and definitely deserve that kind of betrayal. He was blissfully unaware and remains unaware to this day, which in my opinion is better for him. Another reason was just because I felt like personality wise, he was too good for me. Here he was, ready to devote his entire life to me, and then there was me, still hung up on a guy from 7th grade who never talked to me. Honestly, I felt like breaking up with him sooner rather than later would be for his own good. That was if I decided to do it, I was still unsure. 

That was until the end of August.