Pita, continued

Chap. 15, 2024.

I guess the number of this chapter being "15" is ironic, and accurate. It's still me, Avery. I started writing this story when I was 13 and ended the previous chapter when I was still 13. I'm 15 now, I have been for two months. The last time I wrote this story, I was so hopeful that something good would happen. So hopeful that he would talk to me. So hopeful that we'd have had our one year anniversary by now. When in reality, I'm still waiting for the day he finally talks to me. You might be saying to yourself, "Why!? It's been over a year! Just move on from him already!" Now it's up to me to explain why I haven't, and why it's not that simple. Bear with me while I try. 

Flash backwards to...I suppose about the last week of school in May, 2023. It had been approaching closer and closer to the end of the school year trip to swing-around-fun-town. It was the end of 8th grade celebration, to close the year and say goodbye to middle school. The day finally came, and I found myself being very much obsessed with both Haris and Emil. I was chasing them both around like a lost puppy dog. Well, as much as I could, anyways. I kept dragging my friends to wherever one of them was. Haris and I made eye contact a few times, as usual. I actually talked to Tarik a bit too, it seemed like we were having a friendly conversation. I don't really remember what it was about.

After the field trip ended, we went to the school to sign yearbooks in the cafeteria and out on the field. It was actually quite fun. I talked to a lot of people that I didn't think I would. I got many, many yearbook signatures. It was fun, because my friends and I went around to all of our crushes trying to get their signatures. And for once, I mustered up the courage to go up to Emil and ask for his myself. I dragged Adriana with me of course. It went a little something like this:

"Hey Emil, can you sign my yearbook?"

Cue blank stare. 

"Sure."

He then grabbed my yearbook from me and signed it. I doubt that he remembered who I was, he probably just thought, why is this random chick asking me to sign her yearbook? But I was elated anyway. I begged Chloe to get Haris to sign my yearbook, and surprisingly it actually worked. He signed it and I still don't know if he ever figured out that it was my book. That made me even more happy than Emil signing it, even though I wasn't the one who asked him. And then it was the last day of school. I'll admit, I shed a tear or two. I was really sad to leave my middle school, all of the teachers I liked, and my friends going to different high schools. Some like my friend Muhamed, who were moving as far away as Bosnia. It was then I discovered something. See, I had added Emil on snapchat and had sort of been talking. During the last couple weeks of school, I realized I liked him more than I previously thought. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought, "Wow, I could actually move on from Haris with this kid." That was until I found out Emil was also moving to Bosnia for high school.

Everything sort of changed then. I wasn't terribly devastated because I still had Haris, I mean, in the same way I always did. And I still liked him, I was just sad I hadn't talked to him as much as I'd wanted to that year. But the fact that Emil was moving away made it feel like the universe was, well... not against me, exactly. But almost as if it was plotting something. Let me get into it.

It seemed like ever since that fateful day I had first laid eyes on Haris and decided I wanted him, every single relationship I tried to pursue that wasn't with him had fallen through in some way. Every single time I tried to get close to somebody else, or it felt like it might be possible for me to move on, it fell through. Every. Single. Time. Each for a different reason, too. Some for the most random reasons you could think of. Like somebody moving to a different country for example. Or a pit in my stomach whenever I thought about dating someone that wasn't him, accompanied by a sick feeling that I couldn't shake. It started to feel like the universe was plotting for me to be with Haris and only Haris.

We already know about the crushes I've mentioned before. How Tanner rejected me, how RJ had been a weirdo, Colten... how I just had not been able to move on from Haris and had a sick feeling in my stomach (which turned out to be warranted). Emil, how he had moved to a literal different continent. So on and so forth. There were also others in the summer before that. Every single time it just felt like there was some invisible force preventing me from getting into a relationship.

And it didn't stop with Emil, either.

That summer after Emil had moved away, I felt for lack of a better word...lonely? I guess? I suppose I realized there was little to no chance of Haris and I getting together during the summer. So, I was just kind of sad. I was focused on how much I missed him, hoping the next year would be better. But then it was my birthday. And at my birthday party in late June, something happened. At this point Emilia and I had long made up from our fight, and everything in my life seemed to be going well. Too well.