Pita, continued

Chap.22, Eclipse season.

You know that feeling you get, right after coming home from a really good vacation? I guess that's how I was feeling after coming back from Arizona. Leaving that place always feels like leaving home. But one thing that did come home with me was my renewed feelings for Jacob. That March it felt like I was actually dating him, which was a nice feeling, because it was nice to not feel single for once. Although did we ever make it official? Of course not. Could that be my fault? Very possibly. The rest of March was sort of a blur. Truthfully, I was just excited about the solar eclipse on April 8th. I thought it was a sure sign that something big and significant was going to happen in my life. I suppose I was right in a way. (Although I did think that thing would be in regard to Haris, oh well.) I loved that spring, but I was really just excited for summer. I wanted school to be over so badly. But that spring was the first time I can truly say I was nostalgic without being sad. A huge sign of healing in my opinion. My feelings for Jacob carried into that April, of course. As well as my feelings for Haris. (And Matthew, for some reason)

Another significant thing I remember about that April was Charles. Since we had PE together, we had started to become really close friends. It was nice to have an actual genuine guy friend for once. But I was scared that would all be ruined when I started to have feelings for him. I got over them quickly though. I guess the only reason I considered him in that way was because I was so desperate for love at that point, that a guy just being genuinely nice to me was enough for me to like them.

My feelings for Matthew eventually wore off, because he was kind of annoying and a little bit of a dick. Around April into May was also around the time I started to feel genuinely beautiful again, which was surprising because no guys were really giving me attention at that point. Or maybe I just wasn't actively seeking their attention anymore. It seemed like everything in my life was falling into place again as summer got closer. All except for one thing, Haris. The end of the year was quickly approaching, and it seemed like I had made little to no progress with him. Which wasn't ideal, because I was starting to feel desperate and like I needed to do something drastic. I guess my idea then of "something drastic" was asking Haris to sign my yearbook. Personally, this time. I really don't know how I thought this plan was going to work. Or what would even happen if it did, but long story short I chickened out and decided it wasn't worth it. Which I suppose I spared myself the embarrassment. Oh, and when I said no boys were really paying attention to me? I lied. There was this one boy, Judah. He was Charles's frenemy. There was a lot of drama between Charles, Judah, and Charles's ex Leyla. Which I won't get into because it's not really my business. But basically, Judah started liking me after he and Leyla broke up. I gently rejected him, and we're still friends for the most part. I also blocked RJ around this time, because he was just down right being a creep. 

Finally, summer came, and I realized nothing had really happened between me and Haris that whole year. But for some odd reason I still harbored hope. Which in hindsight, was stupid. 

Alas, it was June again. Which meant I finally felt like myself again. June was probably my favorite month of the summer. Mostly because we got a dog, I guess I forgot to mention that too. Her name is Aayla and she's a black lab Doberman mix. Anyways, I continued to like Haris from June into July.