Why Do You Care About Me? - A Reese Wilkerson Fanfiction

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Hi guys... Im so sorry ive been gone for almost a MONTH. This week ive literally had something on after school every single day. It's been so exhausting and I've just been really busy with the build up to Christmas. TYSM FOR 7.2K reads yall thats soo many when u think about it! Also 256 votes tysmmm yall. I sincerely apologise for being gone for sooo long ive just been so busy. :( pretty long chapter ahead for yall and I promise ill post the next one soon! Enjoy yall!

I was on a bridge overlooking a highway, leaning on the railing with my upper arms, watching the mid summer sunset. Even with the breath taking sight in right in front of me, as I watched the vibrant colours slowly fading into the evening sky, still, the only thing I could think about was Reese. He hadn't left my mind these past few days I'd spent in the car, no matter how hard I tried.

We'd arrived at gran's around midday. Gran had been in tears as she held the front gate open so that we could drive into the grassy court yard. She squeezed me and each of my siblings very tightly, one by one. We then unpacked the car and took all our things to moms old room in the attic. The room felt extremely outdated with all the old, beat up furniture. An eerie feeling hung in the air. I'd always felt like grans house was haunted. But I realised maybe it was simply because this room used to be full of life, yet now it stood empty. For most of the year at least. Just like that. Everything left behind. Just like our house. 

I had tried really hard have something to look forward to while coming here, and that had been Karen. My twelve year old cousin that very clearly hated me. I had no idea why. I knew she hated me. I just thought... maybe this time it would be different. But of course it wasn't. Why would it be?

When Karen had finally came to table where we were all eating lunch, after being called 8 times, she sat down without a word, no hi no nothing, and reluctantly ate her chicken soup, giving us all dirty looks. Gran had suggested that she could hang out with me and Kaiya for a while, since, you know, she'd not seen us for ages. 

"No. She spat. "I have a test tommorow. I need to study. Sorry." 

It was so obviously a lie. 

Why would she hang out with her cousins she'd not seen in a year? But clearly that's too much to ask for, so, you know, maybe... at least give them the tiniest bit of human decency and say hi?

"Gran, could I use your landline after lunch?" Kaiya smiled sweetly. My eyes widened. I'd completely forgotten Gran had a landline. Me and Kaiya both watched gran hopefully.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible sweetie, it's currently broken. I dropped it into my mop bucket by accident. I don't mind though. At least I don't have to pay that unbelievably expensive phone bill for a while." 

Well, fuck.

 After lunch, everyone went their own ways. Mom was had to go into town. Caleb locked himself up in our room. Kaiya was watching TV, and she stated very clearly she wanted to be alone. Aunt Leslie was still at work. Gran was busy around the farm. Finn and Richard tried their best at helping her out. I'd asked if I could help as well so I could make myself useful. She'd told me to hang out with Karen. 

"I don't think she wants to."

"Go ask her, I'm sure she does."

Reluctantly, I did end up going to Karen's room and knocked on her door. I don't even know why. 

"What!" She yelled. I opened the door because I wasn't planning on screaming.

"Gran told me that I should hang out with you." I told her sheepishly. She was sitting on her bed with her PS2 controller, immersed in the TV in front of her.

"Why are you coming in?!" She outraged. "I didn't say you could, did I?" Jesus Fuck. "Tell gran I have to study for a test." She said that as if I was a fucking idiot for not seeing that that was exactly what she was doing. "Close the door behind you." She replied icily. I wasn't being anyone's personal messenger pigeon, nor was I going to lie for that bitch either so I just gave up right then and there. 

I shoved my shoes on and disappeared from the house for hours, wandering around the little village in the scorching sun, just like I used to around our neighbourhood when Emma and Zoe "couldn't" hang out.

Nobody here wanted or needed me. I was completely disposable. This was kind of meant to be a family gathering, more or less, yet everyone was alone. It seemed like everyone was content with being alone, apart from me, which didn't happen often.

I loved summer. But I'd never in a million years thought I'd be spending it like this. Alone. At the other fucking end of the country. 

Me and Reese had talked for hours about what we were going to do during the summer. But my life had been completely flipped upside down less than a week, and I didn't want any of it.

There was only a narrow sliver of light left of the sun above the horizon.

I gradually became aware of the overwhelming tightness around my chest and my whole body really, that had been there the whole time.

That feeling was my heart, my gut, my whole body was desperately telling me to go back. My brain was very much against the idea and had managed to block that overwhelming feeling out until now. 

It was fucking crazy. I knew mom would kill me.

 I had to go back. It's not like anyone will miss me here anyway.

No. But I can't. I know they're not always there for me but they are my family and I can't just leave them like that. 

And with that my brain was at war with itself again and I just gave up and went back to grans house. I walked past a gas station with a phone box, which filled me with relief. At least I'd be able to call Reese at some point here. But I didn't have any coins on me right now. I'll come back later.

When I got back, gran, mom and one of her cousins were talking at the table, happier than ever. It seemed like nobody had even noticed I'd been gone, I wasn't even acknowledged at all. I walked through the kitchen and into the living room, looking for Kaiya, Caleb, or maybe even Karen, wishfully hoping they were in a better mood now and we could hang out and I could feel like less of an outcast. They were nowhere to be found in the house, so I stuffed my shoes back on and searched the garden, dim under the greyish, late evening sky, now that the sun had set. The summer kitchen was empty as well as the barn. They were nowhere to be found so just I went upstairs to the empty bedroom. 

I unpacked my cassettes from home that I managed to bring and put them in mom's ancient radio. I felt so unwanted. But I was probably just being dramatic and sensitive like what Emma had always told me. Because all of this was really just a repeat of what she and Zoe put me through.

As I listened to one of the cassettes for a while, occasionally hearing explosions of laughter from downstairs, which made me tear up a little every time, I realised that, annoyingly, most of the songs were coincidentally love songs, which I only really felt the meaning of now. They really made sure to let me know how alone and hopeless I was. But in a way they also gave me hope, that maybe someday I'll find someone, who will make me feel less alone. 

But I'd already found them. It was Reese. But he wasn't here. 

I had to go back. I knew if I didn't, I would regret it for the rest of my life.