Why Do You Care About Me? - A Reese Wilkerson Fanfiction

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Omg ty guys for 10.1K views! I swear it was like 9.8 or somin yesterday omg! Its not been that long since last chapter so yay. ty and enjoy reading everyoneee <3 (also enjoy the absolute banger song)

The gas station was closed. The pinkish neon lights from the signs stood out in the darkness, and the cold lights from the canopy pooled on the pavement. It seemed like the only sign of life for miles. The phone booth was awkwardly off to the left from the gas station, lonely and unwelcoming, marked with a white on blue sign above the door into the brightly lit cabin. It must have been from the 80s if not older.

I stepped into the battered phone booth. While fumbling out a quarter I quickly glanced over my shoulder through the dirty glass into the darkness to make sure I wasn't about to get murdered. I twiddled around with my freshly found quarter with shaky fingers, hesitant to make the call, observing it as it reflected the light at different angles, highlighting the ridges and details. Me and Emma used to always take dozens of these that we'd saved up and go get ice cream at the local parlour all the time when we were younger. We always found it so funny when the poor workers had to take all the quarters and count them up for ages. 

Hundreds of memories with Emma came flooding back to me, ones that I'd been subconsciously supressing, from the times when everything had still been okay between us.

All of a sudden, there I was, in the middle of the night, at a phone booth, unable to hold back tears because of a coin. I was momentarily a mess, ugly crying and all. I tried to stifle the loud sobs escaping my mouth, sniffling, as the tears ran down my face in streams and pooled under my chin. 

I hadn't even realised how much I missed her. I didn't even know why. I had tried to gaslight myself that loosing her didn't even matter to me, but it fucking did. Even though she was a shit friend and had been for a really long time now, she was my friend for so long and we'd had some of the best times of our lives toghether, loosing her obviously wouldn't be that easy.

I quickly tried to get myself back under control, wiping my cheeks with the inside of my wrist, still clutching the coin tightly. 

I'd not talked to Emma since her phone call, which was several weeks ago by now, about how pissed she was at me, I can't even remember why. I exhaled shakily in an attempt to pull myself toghether. 

I had to call her now, or else I never would.

I carefully placed the quarter in the slot and listened to it drop metallically into a pile hundreds of other quarters. My fingers quivered as I slowly pressed the area code into the cold, worn out buttons, and then Emma's number, which was muscle memory, and I was certain it always would be. I listened into the phone with anticipation as it rang.

I guess the sleep deprivation was really getting to me because I would have never mustered up the courage to confront the girl that put me through a living hell, who hated me, and I didn't want anything to do with on any normal day. Until now I'd really just been planning on pussying out and never saying anything to her ever again. But now I was gonna show this bitch.

"Hello?" Emma asked into the phone, tired, and confused who the hell could be calling her at this time. She was a time zone or two west, so it was still earlier than it was here, but still, really  late.

"Emma." I gulped.

"Geor-" She started, outraged, but I cut her off before she could continue.

"Listen. I-I know you fucking hate me, a-a-and I don't-I don't even care" I wanted to be mad, I wanted to cuss the fucking shit out of her for everything she'd put me through, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It only made me dissolve into fresh tears. My heart pounded with every croaky word I uttered. "Just- fucking listen, one last time. Ugh..." I sighed shakily as I ran my fingers back through my hair. "I'm... I'm fucking sorry. I didn't mean to- to hurt you with any of the fucking stupid things I said. I didn't mean them like that." I was constantly shifting my weight from one foot to the other, my eyes frantically scanning my surroundings of the dingy cabin as an attempt to soothe myself. "I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong, and- Even though I'm way fucking better off without you... I fucking miss you. Even though I shouldn't...  Because you were a fucking shit friend for the most part. You made me feel so fucking alone and left out, you'd... bully me all the time- over fucking nothing! And I don't give a fucking shit if you say it was a joke and I'm overreacting, because you were my fucking friend and you were meant to be there for me. Not bring me down."

I was such a fucking mess, and I hated crying in front of people. I hated when people knew how I really felt. I hated when people could see for themselves how fragile and pathetic I really was. I hated feeling so bare, like all my secrets were out to the world, like all my weak spots could now be poked at and taken advantage of to hurt me more effectively.

I watched my foot as I kicked a pebble on the ground, and looked back up at the panel of the payphone, biting my lip as I tried getting the sobs under control. I had one arm wrapped around my torso, my hand clutching onto my t-shirt, leaning my other elbow on it and tightly pressing the phone up to my ear and cheek. I could still hear Emma on the other end. I exhaled deeply.

"The things you did, I don't know how small or stupid they may seem to you, had a fucking huge impact on me, but... I still stuck with you because I thought you would change, I thought you would fucking change, but you never did." I couldn't hold in the sobs and sniffles. "You never fucking did Emma. I know I was never perfect either and I'm... so fucking sorry. I don't think it is possible that things will ever work out again, and I think we're both at fault. I'll never be the same without you, but maybe that's for the better. 

"I still want to thank you for all the unforgettable times we had though.  I would do anything to get back what we had be-before everything went to shit. But we both know it's way too late for that." I laughed bitterly while tears still streamed down my face. "And I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, and left you hanging for fucking weeks, I- I just didn't know what to say and pretended that the problem didn't exist. You can go and spread rumours about all this shit by the way, I don't give a fuck because I've moved to the other fucking end of the country. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you and- have a nice life, Emma Patterson."

"Geor-"

I slammed the phone back on its designated hooks, the cord rattling in all directions and exploded into fresh tears. I covered my face in my hands in shame as I slowly sank to the cracked concrete and rested my back on the glass. And I sat there and cried. And cried. I don't know for how long.  But long enough that the original goal of being here was long forgotten. It didn't even matter anymore. Cause no matter what, I would always end up alone. Crying.