Hate Your Heart // zayn malik

Chapter 10 - Worthless

I know the chapters short but does it really matter? enjoy xx

Chapter 10 – Worthless

Max’s P.O.V

It’s Sunday and it’s three hours until dinner with Edward. Rose insists on helping getting me ready and that I get ready now. I don’t see why though. I have a WHOLE three hours until he comes to pick me up so what’s the rush? I have no idea but I’m not going to argue with her, let’s just let her be happy. She rushes me to the vanity in her room after I’ve had my shower and got my bra and knickers on with my robe over the top. She blow dries my hair and then starts to twirl it around her fingers trying to figure out what to do with it.

“So you’re really going to tell Edward everything huh?” She asks while she gets out the curling iron and plugs it in waiting for it to heat up. While she waits she ties up my hair into a high pony tail trying to make it absolutely perfect while she leaves two bits of hair on either side of my head.

“Well I was going to have to tell him about my past sooner or later and you know telling the people closest to me about it, really helps me feel better about it to know that they’re here with me even after all that is just amazing.”

She curls the two pieces of hair and then the ends of my pony tail.

“Aw Max of course we’re here for you we aren’t going to change how we feel about you just because of what happened in the past because that is what makes you who you are today, and we all love you very much. I’m done with your hair! Now onto make up!!” She claps her hands like those fashion designers.

“Thanks Rose this means a lot.”

“No worries now swivel around to face me.” I do as told and face her she starts applying different items as we talk some more.

“That was very brave of Zayn to do that last night; it was very tear jerking so what happened back stage!? Oh and I can’t believe he wants you to be his girlfriend!! Oh my god two guys after your heart!!”  I laugh a little awkwardly but soon regain myself.

“Well I forgave him but he still wants to do something for me so he has some sort of surprise for me tomorrow, but I don’t think I’ll ever go out with him or fall in love with him Rose it’s just too much to ask.” I say a bit stressed out about the whole situation.

“Sorry about bringing it up I was just a bit excited.” She sadly smiles at me and continues with my makeup.

“No it’s ok Rose you’re my best friend, you deserve to know these things.” I smile at her.

“Pucker up! Lipstick time.”

“Well I’m done with your makeup you can have a look!” She smiles and I turn around. I examine my face and smile hugely. She made me look beautiful with such simple make up. Foundation but not too much to make me look like a clown enough to make my skin tone even. My eyes were framed with black winged eyeliner on just the top eye lids with an eye shadow just a tone or two darker then my pale skin and of course mascara. My lips were coated in a blood red lipstick.

“Thank you so much!!” I jump up and hug Rose.

“Hey! Be careful don’t wanna smudge the masterpiece. Plus I’m not done!! Remember we still have to find a dress, shoes, and accessories!” She says frantically. I laugh and put my arm around her shoulders. We walk into my room and to my wardrobe. I still haven’t had time to organise it so it was a struggle for Rose to find the perfect outfit. She pulls out a warehouse ladder black mesh skirt maxi dress and passes it to me she also gets out a pair of black open toe wedges.

“Now I know you’re not very comfortable with walking in stilettos yet so try these instead.” I nod. I take the dressing gown off while she’s looking through my jewellery and slip the dress on. It’s actually really nice. I smile to myself in the full length mirror. I sit down on my bed and put on the wedges. I stand up in them and walk around in them. I smile proud that I can walk in them. I sit back down on my bed as Rose walks over to me and sits down next to me. She puts in my ear rings which look delicate as they are the shape of leaves but are the colour of silver. She hands me jigsaw Renata cuff bracelet and a few random silver rings. I put them on and stand up.

“Rose what am I going to do about the scars on my wrists?” I ask a bit worried about them.

“Well you’re telling Edward about what happened so it really shouldn’t matter.” She says.

“But I don’t want the whole world to see them.” I say looking down at my wrists. I’m a disappointment in the world. I look at them and suddenly feel all the confidence that I’ve had recently flushed down the toilet. Not having anything cover my wrists makes me feel horribly insecure once again. I thought everything was fine. I thought I was happy. But these scars are just a constant reminder of everything I don’t feel good about myself. I feel worthless and like if I disappeared or if I died, no one would even care. No one because I’m a big disappointment to everyone around me. I suddenly feel a tear run down my cheek. I wipe it away.

“Rose I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can go out in the open with these scars on display, I don’t think I can show the whole world I’m a disappointment, that I’m worthless.” I start crying now but silently no sobs because I’m not worth it to make a sound. I soon feel two arms wrapped around me but they weren’t female ones they were strong manly arms. I didn’t care who they were though. I turned around and hugged them back and cried in his shoulder.

“Shhh.” The voice said to try and calm me down. I didn’t know who it was but I knew it wasn’t Edward and he’d be here soon.

“Don’t you ever say you’re worthless or a disappointment if anyone’s the disappointment it’s me.” He said and from that moment I knew it was Zayn. I shook my head ‘no’ in his chest. He leant his head on my head and that’s when I moved away from him.

“Zayn, I uh you shouldn’t be here. Edward’s gonna be here any minute and I probably look like a wreck.” Rose Then hugs me.

“No you don’t Max and you’re defiantly not a disappointment. And besides I used waterproof makeup so you’re fine!” She says. Which makes me laugh a little.

“Now come on Max. You’ve got a boy down stairs waiting for you and he cares about you so so much he needs you right now and I’m sure he would love to see you’re beautiful face and have you’re beautiful heart with him.” I was surprised at the voice that wasn’t Rose it came from Zayn’s mouth. I step out of Rose’s embrace and give Zayn a small smile as a sign of ‘thank you’ and check myself in the mirror. Rose was right the makeup hadn’t been smudged at all. I wiped the tears away. And looked at myself it doesn’t look like I’ve been crying so I nod at myself and grab my purse that had the essentials in it and walked down the stairs to see Zayn was right Edward was there. I hug him and give him a long passionate kiss.

“Wow. That was unexpected.” He smiled at me and chuckled as I laugh a little too.

“Hey are you okay?” He asks. He could tell that there was something wrong even though I was sure I had no signs on my face that I had been crying.

“I am now.” I smile at him. And I knew from that moment that I had made the right decision to just leave with Zayn and me just being friends.