Beetlejuice: The Novelization

Chapter Ten: The Afterlife

Meanwhile, Adam and Barbara stumble into a waiting room full of other dead people. "Adam?", asked Barbara. "This way, honey," said Adam. They go up to a desk. "You don't have an appointment, do you?" asked the Receptionist in a Spanish accent. "We didn't know how to make one", said Adam. "Appointment for what?", asked Barbara. "What do you want?" asked the Receptionist. "Help?", answered Barbara. "Already?" answered the Receptionist. "Just bit the big one two months ago and you want help". "What does that have to do with anything?", asked Adam. "You're gonna use up all your help vouchers: D-90s", answered the Receptionist. "You spent 125 years in that house during which you get only three class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno. You probably haven't read through the manual completely yet. You'll have to wait if you don't have an appointment." "An appointment with whom?" asked Adam. "For Juno, your caseworker", answered the Receptionist. "Number 54,000,601. Ferndock!" A portly man wearing a food bib and has a chicken bone lodged in his throat horizontally, gets up.

    Back in the real world, Lydia manages to unlock the door to the attic. She sees the model town. Then, Lydia finds the Handbook for the Recently Deceased. Back in the waiting room... "Want a cigarette?" asked the Char Man to Adam. "No, thank you", answered Adam. "I'm trying to cut down myself", said the Char Man. "Adam, is this what happens when you die?", asked Barbara. "This is what happens when you die", answered the Receptionist. "That is what happens when he dies". She points to the Char Man. "And that is what happens when they die. She points to the Magician's Assistant. "It's all very personal. I'll tell you something. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident". She shows her slit wrists.

    Suddenly, A door opens and a run-over man hanging from above appears. "Maitland. Party of two", called the Messenger. "Take the handbook and go to the sixth door." "Oh, we forgot our handbook", said Barbara. "Come on", said the Messenger. The couple walks through the offices. "How do I look?", asked the Messenger. "There are no mirrors on this side". "You look fine", said Adam", "Fine", said Barbara. "Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat". said the Messenger. Adam and Barbara walk into a hallway full of doors. "125 years. I can't believe this. I can't believe they didn't tell us", said Barbara. They walk past a door. The shade opens to show decomposing ghouls floating upward. "Oh, Adam, what is this?", asked Barbara. "That's the Lost Souls' Room", said the Janitor. "A room for ghosts that have been exorcised. Poor devils. That's death, for the dead. It's all in the handbook. Keep moving".. The Janitor closes the shade. They continue to walk down the halls. "Five. That's the sixth door", said Adam.