Beetlejuice: The Novelization

Chapter Eleven: Interview with Juno

They enter the door and notice that they're home and the Deetzes have completely remodeled it. "Boy, oh boy, this place just gets weirder and weirder", said Adam. "Barbara. we're home!" "Look at this place!" exclaimed Barbara. Everything's different. All our furniture's gone." "How long do you suppose we were waiting there?", asked Adam. "Three months", answered a voice. I'd almost given up on you. I was about to leave. I do have other clients." Adam and Barbara see a woman from the Neitherworld right behind them with a slit in her throat.

    "Are you Juno, our caseworker?", asked Barbara. "Yes", answered Juno. "I evaluate individual cases and determine if help is needed, deserved and available". "Are you available?", asked Adam. "No", answered Juno. "What's wrong?" "We're very unhappy", said Barbara. "What did you expect? You're dead!", exclaimed Juno. "We want to get rid of the people who live here", explained Adam to Juno. "We worked very hard on this house." "We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were..." said Barbara. "More like you used to be", said Juno. "Yes", said Barbara. "But these people!" exclaimed Adam. "Things seem pretty quiet here", said Juno" Hmm. You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. The Deetzes. Okay. Have you been studying the manual?" "Well, we tried", said Adam.

    "The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all," said Juno. Get 'em out yourselves! It's your house. Haunted houses aren't easy to come by." "We don't quite get it," said Barbara. "I heard", said Juno. "Tore your faces off. It's useless to pull off your heads in front of people who can't see you." "We should start simply?" asked Adam. "Start simply", said Juno. Do what ya know. Use your talents. Practice. You should have been studying those lessons since day one." As she continued her watch started beeping in the tune of "The Funeral March plays. "Oh, I gotta go."

    "What about that guy in the flyer, Betel..." asked Barbara. Juno stops her from saying the rest of his name. "Shhhh, Don't even say his name. You don't want his help." "Well...we might", said Adam. "No, you don't", said Juno. He doesn't work well with others." "What do you mean?", asked Barbara. "I didn't want to bring it up", answered Juno". "But rather than you have you stumble on to it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. He was my assistant. But he was a troublemaker. He went out on his own as a freelance bio-exorcist. Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. The only way he can be brought back is by calling his name three times. But I strongly suggest that you remove the Deetzes yourselves." "How do we contact you if we need you again?", asked Adam. Just as he spoke, Juno disappears in a puff of smoke. "Oh, Adam. That guy is in our cemetery", said Barbara. "She's right", said Adam to her wife. "We just keep this simple. We can do this. C'mon".

    Just then, the sound of buzzing is heard. A fly lands at the model cemetery. Beetlejuice's arms pops out from the ground of the model and he calls out to the fly. "Hey, you, come here! Hungry? Come on. Hey, come here." He gets out a Zagnut candy bar. "I got somethin' good for ya", he said. "Come on over. We'll have a little bite, gonna have somethin' to nosh. Come here! He throws the candy bar aside and grabs the fly. "Help me! Help me!", exclaimed the fly. He eats it and lets out a burp.