this love • gracie abrams

027 gracie

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
gracie
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"THAT said, we should pick up from where we left off last time," chloe said, tapping her pen at her notepad before placing it down.

gracie stared out the window, hugging herself tightly in the 'a good girls guide to murder' hoodie she was wearing, "kay."

"why don't you tell me about when you met charlotte?" chloe asked.

gracie felt a breath of relief, thankfully that she gets to talk about what she loves rather than her disorder. which was odd, since that's what she's here for and was expecting to jump right into that, but she'll take this over that anyday.

"um we met at a party after my ex-boyfriend broke up with me."

"alex?"

gracie nodded, chloe then doing the same for her to keep going.

"um we like hated each other and stuff then, but she was drunk and didn't have a ride home so i took her with me. just so she'd be safe, cause aside from how we felt about each other she's a girl and was alone under the influence. she crashed at my apartment and then left in the morning after we decided not to like ever see each other again... but then she came back a day or two later to take me to lunch as a way to say thank you. and i guess we became friends after that."

"right. that must've been difficult, having to keep that a secret and knowing how it affects your family...?"

"yeah i— it felt wrong? but like, i don't know, the more i kept seeing her face just so... right? why was the most lovely thing to happen to me the worst possible thing for everybody else, i couldn't— i couldn't share it. y'know? and meanwhile all the worst things about me and things that have happened to me are on public display but making me profit." gracie scoffed and then looked down, folding and unfolding her hands. "i don't know, but um.. it was really hard."

"of course. why didn't you think you could say anything about her to people like your parents?"

gracie nearly rolled her eyes, what a dumb question, "because they'd hate me for it. and they did for a long time after they found out until they finally met her. but it wasn't just that, i wasn't even out yet. charlotte was, but she still had to hide it from her parents who still hate us for being together. i wasn't ready to come out though yet, and it wasn't something we ever talked about, it was a pretty new thing too i guess."

"what do you mean by new?" chloe asked with a tilted head.

gracie shrugged, "finding out i liked girls. i only dated boys my whole life and literally just broke up with alex when i met her, so the timing of it all was kinda insane to think about all of a sudden."

chloe jotted something down to come back to that later, "how did that affect you? becoming friends with her just after alex?"

"i... she helped me a lot. when he broke up with me that's when the whole... thing... started."

"your eating disorder?"

gracie shivered, "mhm."

"was she a distraction from it?"

"i guess, yeah. well not really. being around her just meant i had to actually eat to not worry her after she found out."

"how about before she found out? how did she affect your relationship with food then?" chloe's eyes were as sincere as how her voice sounded, hidden behind profession.

"when we first started hanging out it wasn't so bad, i just had a lost appetite. then after a little bit it just felt good to be hungry... i guess because i just couldn't get alex out of my head, or because it just genuinely felt good. i don't know."