Her Song, His Heart

The Weight of July

July was always a bittersweet month for Mannon. Her birthday loomed just around the corner, but it never felt like a time for celebration. Each year, the anticipation would build, but it was always clouded by her internal struggles. She hadn’t really celebrated her birthday since she was young, not after everything had changed. Still, as the 13th approached, there was an unspoken tension that hung in the air, like something was about to shift.

The days leading up to her birthday felt heavy. The shoots, the meetings, the constant pressure to be perfect—everything was stacking up on her. Even with the people who loved her, like Chan, Hyunjin, and the rest of Stray Kids, there was a nagging sense that something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t just the anxiety, though that was undeniably present. There was something about the weight of another year passing, another year spent hiding parts of herself, that made her feel... more distant.

Mannon was sitting in the small studio apartment she had rented temporarily, trying to concentrate on a new song she’d been working on for the past few days. The lyrics felt forced. They didn’t flow like they used to. Her thoughts kept drifting back to her mental health, to Amara, to the upcoming photoshoots—and to the thing she dreaded most: her birthday.

Chan’s footsteps outside the door interrupted her thoughts. He knocked twice, then entered without waiting for a response.

“Hey,” he greeted her softly, sitting beside her at the piano. “How are you feeling?”

Mannon closed her eyes for a brief moment, inhaling deeply before speaking. “Nervous. Anxious. I don’t know. I feel like there’s so much going on, and I’m trying to keep up with it all. But it’s... it’s hard, Chan.”

Chan nodded, his expression understanding but concerned. He had always been the one who could read her like an open book, even when she tried to keep things to herself.

“I get it,” he said quietly. “But remember, you don’t have to do this alone. You’ve got us. You’ve got me.”

Mannon smiled weakly, grateful for his constant support.

“I know,” she murmured. “I just... I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to carry me.”

“You’re not a burden, Mannie. You’ve never been. But I know this birthday... it’s a tough one for you. You’ve never really liked celebrating it, have you?”

She shook her head, the weight of his words hitting her harder than expected. “No. It’s always just a reminder of everything that’s wrong. Of everything I’m not. I just... I don’t know if I’m ready to face it, you know?”

There was a long pause. Chan didn’t say anything at first. He just sat next to her, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. She felt the warmth of his touch and the comfort of his presence, but there was still that gnawing feeling inside her.

“We don’t have to do anything big, Mannie. But if you want to, we’ll make sure it’s special. Just you, me, and whoever else you want around. No pressure. We can keep it low-key.”

She felt the sting of tears threatening to spill, but she blinked them away. Chan always knew how to make things feel better, how to strip away the weight of her fears and give her room to breathe.

“I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“Then let me help you, okay?” Chan said, his tone soft and reassuring. “Let me help you make this birthday something different, something good. You deserve that, Mannie. You deserve to feel happy, even if just for one day.”

Mannon nodded slowly, though she wasn’t sure she could believe it yet. But maybe, just maybe, this year would be different. She couldn’t keep running away from her fears. She couldn’t keep letting the past dictate how she saw herself, how she lived.

---

The Day Before

The day before her birthday came, and Mannon found herself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. She had a meeting with the Versace team, followed by a photo shoot with one of their biggest campaigns. Everything felt like it was moving too fast, but there was something else in the back of her mind. Something about tomorrow that was making her heart beat faster.

Chan had been texting her all day, making sure she was okay, even joking around and keeping the mood light. He’d asked her if she wanted to go for a late-night walk, to clear her mind before the big day. She had agreed, even though she wasn’t entirely sure what she needed. But maybe a quiet walk would help.

They ended up by the water, the moonlight reflecting off the calm waves. The quiet of the night was soothing, and for a moment, Mannon felt like she could breathe. No photoshoots, no expectations—just her and Chan.

“Mannie,” he began, his voice soft, “I know this birthday is hard for you. But I want you to know that it’s okay to be vulnerable. You don’t always have to be the strong one. You’ve done so much, and it’s okay to let people see you... the real you. Even if it’s messy, even if it’s not perfect. You deserve to be seen, just as you are.”

Mannon closed her eyes, taking in his words. “I’m scared, Chan. I’m scared that no one will see me. I don’t even know who I am sometimes.”

“You are who you choose to be,” Chan replied, taking her hand gently. “You don’t have to be anything else for anyone.”

Mannon felt a tear slip down her cheek, though she didn’t try to hide it this time. For once, she allowed herself to feel everything—the uncertainty, the fear, the longing for acceptance.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Chan. I don’t know if I can face everything. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Mannie,” Chan said softly. “It’s okay to be weak sometimes. It’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to celebrate yourself.”

---

The night passed quietly, but there was a change in Mannon. For the first time in a long while, she felt like she could take a step forward, even if it was a small one. Tomorrow would come, and she would face it. She would face whatever came her way.

And maybe, just maybe, it would be the beginning of something new for her.