Random Thoughts

[1]

um hi guys, welcome to another shitty autobiography part of "Random Thoughts"! umm yeah.

as usual, italics are my side-notes :3

hey so let's imagine

you had a friend who was a part of your friend group. and this friend... let's call them [1]. So you were pretty close with [1], but not THAT close. You two were just a little more than acquaintances.

so now... [1] gets kicked out of the friend group. You think, "oh hey, people make mistakes all the time. it's just a single word." And the previous night, [1] had genuinely felt upset about what had happened. You felt sorry for [1], and of course the whole friend group gets a little torn up about it and make it into a whole drama. So you decide to try and make things right.

Of course, you know who you are; you're not anyone special, and you're not that great at pep talks either. You realise, after a while, that talking everyone out of kicking [1] out was not going to work, so you focus on [1] instead.

your plan consists of two steps:

1. become best friends with [1]

2. convince [1] to come back :3

Now, the first step was relatively simple - after all, after getting out of a friend group, [1] doesn't really have many friends. So you're just talking with [1] every night, trying to convince [1] not to suicide, trying to act cheerful in hopes that she would be too.

One night... [1] tells you some stuff... you're like "cool", they nag you about trading the info... so you sort of decide to tell [1] some stuff too... but you make [1] guess, because you don't want to directly tell them.

(oh yeah, by "stuff" you mean the stuff that you never want anyone to know. like. if people in your school knew, you would kys in shame.)

anyway, [1]'s trying to guess what it is, and you keep on saying "no no no no no." until [1] gets to the correct answer... and of course you can't say "no" now...

well looking back now, not saying "no" cost you a whole friendship

because now you have to stay close to [1] forever, in case, one day, [1] tells someone your secret.

and even if, one day, you dislike [1], you still have to act all happy and cheerful in front of them, in case [1] thinks you have beef with them.

so now, your plans have changed.

1. never remind [1] of what you told them. (this is impossible, [1] would never forget what you told them]

2. slowly drift away from [1]. (this is also not very possible, you're in the same grade as [1]. and you also sit next to them during language class)

oh and by the way, during all that time, half of the friend group also don't really like you because they hate [1]. And because you're {friends} with [1], it's automatically assumed that you are also like [1] and hate all of them back.

sometimes... you sort of wish people would die. just some people, of course. there are lots of good people in this world.

you sometimes wish that the people you hate could kill you. so that everyone could see what a horrible person they are. Unlike some others, there is only one person i hate the most in the world. And I feel so bad for hating them. (it's not [1])

If the person you hate kills you, two things could be completed:

1. you would die

2. everyone would truly hate the person you hate

you also really wish that you could just lock them in a room tied up and torture them. Or get real blackmail on them. or threaten them with a knife or a gun. or become more powerful than them in rank. (this is where a quarter of your motivation comes from.)

anyway.

of course you wouldn't want that for [1], they're human after all. Unlike some people.

okay. sorry. got distracted for a second trying not to explode with anger :3

so. you're stuck in this situation, and also stuck with [1] forever. the end.

okay let's stop imagining now haha

(btw the person i hate the most is [2], next chapter {which is nonexistent at the moment})

don't be depressed guys xx

~Ambrosia 💜