unspoken

chapter 17

                   
                            some truths are too heavy to share, so we carry them alone until they slip away with us.

-

-

-

-

-
   
where is he? sunoo wondered.

jungwon had confirmed he was going to show up, so this worried sunoo very much.

he tried convincing himself that jungwon was okay, but this horrible feeling just lurked at the back of his mind. as much as he tried to shoo it away, it kept coming back.

there he sat, in possibly the most boring lesson of whatever they were learning in science he ever attended. things would've been better if jungwon was here.

he couldn't stand mr.jeong's rambling about E = m c2 or some random shit. he was on the verge of falling asleep behind his textbook.

as soon as they were told to work on a couple of pages by themselves, sunoo asked to go to the bathroom. yes, he knew skipping class was wrong, but it didn't matter if he wasn't going to learn anything anyways.

he wandered the halls, looking at all the artwork and posters on the walls. things felt peaceful, but something just felt off. it wasn't something in the school, it was something related to—

before he could finish that thought, he was crashed by someone running down the halls.

"jake?" he noticed after regaining balance. "what's going on?"

"i'm going to the hospital. jungwon —— he's not doing okay"

not even a second later, he ran off.

the world froze. what did jake just say?

sunoo stood there in shock and panic before running out the school himself.

he ran and ran, all the way to the hospital (which thankfully wasn't very far). it was extremely tiring. he didn't know if he was feeling nauseous from the fact that he just ran way over his limit, or from the fact that jungwon might fucking die.  

he got there, and immediately bumped into heeseung.

"sunoo? what are you doing here, are you feeling okay?" he asked. there was something about him though— he seemed sad.

"i'm fine, do you happen to know a patient named jungwon?" sunoo hurriedly said.

heeseung's eyes became glazed with a layer of tears. "ah, my cousin's patient. room 209."

he dashed to the room, only to find jake broken down in tears over jungwon laying on the hospital bed, and his mom crying on the side. his

father was there too, serious but not in a sad way.

no, please don't be what i think it is.

his eyes welled up, and his limbs grew weak. he wanted to snap out of this nightmare, there was no way jungwon was gone all of the sudden. it felt like the world just dissolved, shattered. how could this happen?

"you must be sunoo. jungwon told me a lot about you." the doctor said.

"who are you? please tell me he's still alive..."

"i'm jay, his doctor."

"is he alive, please"

jay went silent for a bit, deeply sighed before speaking again."...i'm terribly sorry"

no.

"no...no, it can't be true."

at this point, even jay had tears rolling down his face. jake was sobbing over jungwon's body, and sunoo was absolutely heartbroken, unable to comprehend the fact that this wasn't just a nightmare. that this was reality.

he couldn't bring himself to look towards his best friend's, or boyfriend he considered, body. he was scared. he was scared that once he saw it, things would become even more real.

"who are you" jungwon's father sternly asked. his eyes were dry with frustration.

" i- i'm his... i'm a very good friend of his." sunoo sniffed. now might not be the time to reveal their true feelings. they didn't even get to experience it themselves.

his mom looked up. "our jungwon... made a friend?" she asked.

unexpectedly, jake joined in. he got up, agitated and shaky voiced. "yes, if you had actually paid close attention to him instead of arguing all the time, you would've noticed. the only time you actually did something was when dad wasn't home, but the rest of the time, i was the one raising him. he wouldn't be fucking gone right now if you two weren't so stubborn and actually made changes for the better. don't you know how much your fights affected him? you don't deserve to call him yours."

jake was pissed. no, he was devastated.

him and jungwon had been through so much together.

from his earliest memories, him and jungwon hid in their closet, huddle up together, trying to block out the fact that their parents were physically hurting each other downstairs. his four year old self hugged his two year old brother, trying to remain calm while soothing jungwon at the same time.

he had been protecting his little brother since forever.

loud noises were bad for jungwon. so were scary, thrilling things. his heart couldn't handle it. his heart could barely handle anything.

"jake honey... don't say that" his mom cried.

"i'm just speaking the truth. he could be alive right now if it weren't for you two." jake snapped.

she buried her face in her hands, not wanting to believe what her son had said.

jungwon's father on the other hand...

"ugh, why am i even here?" he tapped his foot impatiently on the floor. "can i go now, i've got things to pack."

"THEN LEAVE." jake firmly said. "and don't come back. all you did was ruin our family with your horrible temper."

"psh, whatever. see you never."

and with that, he stormed out, harshly shutting the door as a final goodbye.

sunoo looked up, his eyes meetings jake's. he felt his lips quiver as tears continues streaming down his face.

jake pulled him into a hug.

"don't cry" he whispered. "jungwon would want you to be happy"

that was somewhat hypocritical though, as jake was shedding buckets of tears himself.

after releasing each other from the hug, jake returned to his brothers side.

sunoo couldn't look that way. he was scared.

the again, he feared that this would be the last time he would be able to see him.

so, with a heavy heart and with his head down, he went up to the hospital bed.

slowly, he looked up, eyes eventually meeting the face of who was once his best friend. they were the light of each other's lives.

jungwon seemed... peaceful, like he knew. his skin was still soft, his cheeks still with a slight rosy blush and a little bit of puffiness
even though he was extremely thin. he almost looked exactly the same as the last time sunoo had seen him. except, he wasn't breathing.

he reached out a shaky hand, placing his palm against jungwon's face. it was still warm at this time of death.

a whimper came out before sunoo uncontrollably started crying again. to think that this was the boy he could've been holding hands with, the boy he could've been kissing on the cheek, or whatever couples do. they weren't even given the time to be together. fate just had to pull them apart.

he didn't want to look at him anymore, but couldn't bring himself to look away. every second seemed precious.

the more time went on, the more jungwon would slip away from him.