chapter 20

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by sh33pwon9

by sh33pwon9

seeing all of jungwon's cute messages, sunoo let out a smile. tears rolled down his face, happy tears this time.

jungwon sure knew how to cheer him up.

he was about to go back to his bedroom, when he spotted a notebook laying there on the couch across from him. jake must've left it there.

after taking a closer look, it turned out to be jungwon's.

jungwon's journal

sunoo didn't want to invade his privacy, but well, jungwon would've wanted him to know these things, right? him and jungwon were best
buds, there shouldn't be anything still hidden between them.

before he even knew it, his hands had already opened the book; it was flipped to the marked page, his last entry.

june 13.
i don't know how to start this, but i think i'm gonna die soon. this is possibly the worst i've ever felt in my life, way worse than yesterday. i can barely see what i'm writing.
everything hurts, and i feel like i can't even hold my own weight. i wish i told sunoo the truth a long time ago. maybe then it wouldn't come as too much of a shock when i'm gone. i was told i had more time, but i know jay was just saying that to make my parents feel better.
it's dizzying to think, but i can't stop doing it; thinking about sunoo. i can't imagine what it'll be like when he finds out, or what things will be like when we're separated. i miss when hiding pain was easier.
it's funny how life just went by in a flash. it feels weird knowing that this is all going to end. i just hope i was a good person in this life.
it's getting hard to keep my eyes open, so i think i'm gonna stop now. this is it, i guess. bye.

hm. so his best friend still couldn't tell people the complete truth, even at death.

oh why couldn't jungwon let people worry about him for once.

"hey, jake?" sunoo called through his phone.

"what's up?" jake answered in probably one of the most monotonous voice he'd ever heard.

"you um, left something at my house." sunoo said. "jungwon's journal."

"oh, i know i did."

"what?"

"well, you deserve to know the complete truth. honestly, i don't even know what's written in there myself, and i guess— i didn't have the guts to hand it to you myself. i figured things were bad in there."

"oh..." sunoo's voice trailed off.

"i know, i'm sorry. i shouldn't be showing anyone his private stuff." jake spoke with a sigh. "but you aren't just anyone."

"i understand. no need to apologise." sunoo said. "i just wish he could've be honest with me.."

he still couldn't quite understand. it was such a shame, honestly. jungwon knew he was killing his body with each "i'm fine" or "i'm okay, don't worry", so why did he continue that act? he always put others before himself, even though he knew he needed it more. he used up his life making others happy, trying to be as less of an inconvenience as possible, when in reality, it only made things more painful when he left. at least for the people he knew.

"he wasn't completely honest because he cared too much about you." jake explained. "which, i guess is a flaw of his."

"right." sunoo sighed.

still, he just wished things could've been different.

it hurt to think how happy they would've been if jungwon was still here.