what now? | outerbanks

• twenty •

JJ

    "Sober enough to talk to him?" I hear Sarah say from downstairs. I'm on the deck, and though I know I shouldn't snoop, I do.
    "Sure," Kie says with a groan. "But my head is still killing me. I'm going back to bed after this." I hear loud footsteps on the stairs, and I turn away from them, acting like I wasn't listening.
    When the footsteps stop, the girl stands at the top and I turn around to face her. Her jaw is clenched, and I see a muscle in her face twitch with anger. I don't know what to say, and neither does she, so she comes and sits in the chair across from the sofa I sprawl on. She lowers her head into her hands and sighs loudly. I don't know what to say; I don't think I have anything to say, but I know it will be worse for me if I stay quiet.
"So," I start, sucking my teeth and wringing my hands. Kie looks up at me and closes one eye at the bright sun that reflects off of a mirror in front of her. "How was your parents' place?" I ask her, genuinely wondering, but also not knowing what else I should say.
"It was fine," she says, standing up from her chair and walking over to the balcony, her arms spreading wide across the wooden beam. "You know them. Same old, same old."
I hum in understanding. She stands silent for a few moments, unmoving.
"Why'd you say it?" She asks me, her head bowing a little. "Why'd you say you didn't believe me?" I think hard about her words, recalling how I felt that day and trying to form a competent answer.
"I just- ugh. I guess I'm just worried. You know, I'm sure everything was great when you guys dated. He really could have given you anything you wanted. Me? What can I give you?" I spitball, and I can tell the girl's mind is working at double speed to keep track. "I'm just a little insecure, I guess."
    "Don't say you can't give me anything, JJ. That's not true." Kie frowns as she walks towards me and places herself on the sofa next to me.
"I can't help but think that sometimes you think about what you guys could have had."
    "That's the thing, JJ. We couldn't have ever had anything. He's Rafe; you know how the story ends."
    "Yeah. Total freak show." I playfully shudder, and it earns a giggle from the once solemn girl.
    "I don't ever think about him. Swear. You're it for me, JJ. You're the only one." She scoots in closer to my body, and I try to lean in for a kiss, but the girl breaks out before it can happen.
    "Nope. You need to tell me something first." She says, a mischievous grin creeping onto her face, making me smile through my confused eyebrows.
"Tell you what?" I ask her.
"Hmm... maybe, like, a certain five-letter word? Maybe it has magical powers? Starts with an 'S'?" She fake thinks and taps a finger on her chin playfully.
"Smoke?" I say it slowly and cautiously. I'm guessing this isn't what she's looking for, but it's all I can think of; I've never been good with words. Kiara punches my gut and rolls her eyes, letting out a big sigh.
"No, you idiot. Not smoke. Sorry." She laughs a little bit, but I can tell she is seriously hurt and really wants me to apologize. "You need to tell me sorry; you hurt my feelings."
"Look," I grab her hands into mine, hers being completely swallowed, and I stare into her big, brown eyes. "I'm really sorry, Kiara. I shouldn't have doubted you."
"Thank you, Jayj." One small tear falls from the corner of her eye, and she engulfs me in a tight hug, breaking out of it quickly to kiss me. "Thank God. I didn't know how I was gonna stay at my parents' for any longer." We both crack up at her remark, her body falling onto mine as we share each other's warmth on the sofa. She pulls her face inches from mine, playing with my hair and locking our eyes.
"I love you, JJ." My stomach flutters, and I wonder if this is what girls mean when they say they get butterflies.
"I love you too, Kie. I never want to fight like this again."
All of a sudden, there's a thud at the top of the stairs, followed by a, "Oh, crap. I'm sorry!" Giggles fill the side of the room; it's Sarah. A wide smile falls on her face, and she winks at the girl lying on top of me. She runs down the stairs quickly, shielding her eyes. "I told you!" The blonde girl yells as she escapes.
"Told you what?" I ask Kie. She purses her lips and shakes her head.
"Don't worry about it." And I don't. Instead, I lay her head on my chest and kiss her temple, the two of us drifting away in our presence.