what now? | outerbanks

• thirty-nine •

Sarah

The past two months have been nothing but preparation and waiting. So much waiting. The boys are constantly checking books out from the library, and Cleo has been working hard to decode coordinates and messages. JJ keeps saying that if we find everything out now, the actual hunt should be quick and painless.
First, we knew we had to tell Wheezie, Rafe, and Sofia about the baby, the three being my closest family aside from the Pogues.

It was a cool, chilly morning, a week or so before Christmas, and I'd planned a nice breakfast for us to have at our house. I had the windows open for breeze and ambiance, and for once, the food I was cooking wasn't making me feel like death. There were no visible signs of pregnancy, just some bloat, but the nagging sickness was a clear sign- to me, at least.
Be there in a few! Sofia had texted me, her contact popping up on my phone screen, and my heart pounded even faster than before.
"Sar," John B. warned from the living room across from me, his eyebrows high on his face, knowing that I was getting in my own head. "Stop worrying."
"I'm not worrying," I swore, turning to the stove so my back was to him. I don't know who I was kidding; he can see straight through me, but I guess I was trying to convince myself more than him. Slowly, his warmth pressed to the back of my body, and he rested his chin in the divot of my shoulder, his hands finding their way to my belly. "I don't know what Rafe's gonna think."
"I promise, they'll be happy. He's come a long way, you know that," he hummed, kissing my cheek and neck. I swayed back and forth, my arm rhythmically stirring the eggs in the pan on the stove. "I still can't believe my baby is in there."
"I know. I wish I had a real bump so I don't just look fat." Before he could respond, the front door clicked open. Wheezie was over often enough to know to open the door without knocking, and that made me smile.
"Hi!" I beamed from my place in the kitchen, welcoming the three in with hugs and kisses on cheeks. Breakfast went smoothly, prayers and laughs exchanged, and when plates were just being finished, I cleared my throat.
"I've actually been meaning to tell you guys something," I started, grabbing John B's hand shakily and holding it in my lap. "John B. and I are... having a baby."
My focus was set on Rafe, looking for some emotion, and although I couldn't read him, Wheezie's gasp came like a wave. She was bounding out of her seat, wrapping her arms around me in joy.
"Oh my goodness! Congratulations," Sofia spoke, swallowing her final bite as she wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin. "How far along are you?"
"About two months," John B. told her, looking over at me with a smile. "We have our first ultrasound today, actually."
Wheezie hugged John B. as Sofia stood up and walked to embrace me as well. Rafe shared words of congratulations, which were quiet but sweet nonetheless. Wheezie and Sofia pestered us with questions, and then Rafe pulled me aside into the kitchen, something obviously on his mind.
"What's up?" I asked, a smile still on my face.
"I wanted to give you something," he started, his eyes wandering and his hands stuffed in his pockets. "I've had it for a while, and I never knew when the right time was, but something about this feels too perfect. It can't be a coincidence."
My face twisted as he spoke, not sure what he meant by any of it. Then he pulled a necklace out of his shirt pocket; a shiny, dainty thing. It was familiar, but lost in the chaos of my mind.
"Turn around," he told me, holding up my hair and clasping the necklace onto my neck when I finally did. "It was Mom's. She wore it when she was pregnant with Wheezie." Instantly, tears formed in my eyes.
    "Rafe," I cried, my hands finding his back, hiding my face in his chest. It was a hug I had been deprived of for so long; one that could never be replicated.
    "I'm gonna show up, okay? I'm not gonna be like before." It was slight, but I could hear the shake in his voice, his words overcome with emotion. "I'm really happy for you."
    I was content. The thing I had been most afraid of was over, and I felt incredibly loved.
    Now, it was time to see my baby for the first time.