what now? | outerbanks

• forty-three •

John B.

    "Hi, sleeping beauty," I hum to Sarah, kissing the sleeping girl's cheek, waking her up despite knowing it's dangerous territory.
    "Mhm," she hums, rolling over and falling back asleep. I envelop her body in mine, wrapping my arms around her stomach.
    "Good morning, baby. Daddy loves you already." I can see the slightest smile on Sarah's lips, but she doesn't falter from her slumber. "Daddy also wants Mommy to say goodbye to him before he leaves to meet with Uncle JJ and Pope."
    This, of all things, she comprehends, turning over with wrinkled brows and a sour face. "What?" Sarah asks, her voice coarse.
    "Yeah, didn't I tell you? They called me to come over and see if we can talk Shoupe into doing something about Pritchard." I kiss her cheeks and lips and ear, and though the girl basks in it for a few moments, she eventually pushes me off and sits up some. When she sits up, she winces, clutching her side. I look up at her in worry, but she shrugs it off.
    "John B, today's the fifteen-week checkup. It's scheduled for 10:00. We're supposed to ask about the fall yesterday."
I fall back against the bed with a groan, running my hand along my tired face. Shit. How could I forget? How could I be so stupid? "Oh my goodness. Sarah, I'm so sorry. I'll call the boys and cancel." My heart is in my stomach, sunken with guilt.
"John B."
"No, Sarah. It's my fault; I should have remembered," I say, but she stops me, her hands cupped around my face.
"Hey, it's okay. I'll call Kiara. We'll make a day out of it," she tells me, a soft smile on her lips. I'd invite Cleo too, but I know Pope is making her take a rest day at home after everything that happened yesterday. Not that she needs a rest day, but Pope is quite the protector.
"Sar, you don't have to. I should go."
"John B. Look at me," she says, her eyes wide so they lock with mine. "It's fine. Go see the boys."
I match the smile on her lips, my cheeks rising to my eyes. She kisses me softly, and then pulls away, searching the ruffled sheets for her phone. Her fingers scroll and tap a few times before the line rings, and she puts the phone up to her ear.
Watching her chest rise and fall, and wandering over the freckles on her nose and cheeks, I can't help but still feel bad. This was an important appointment, and I've been to every other one.
I can tell that she really is okay, but I'm disappointed in myself. Where are my priorities?

Kie

I wake up confused, something tickling my face, and I swat at it aimlessly, my limbs still sort of asleep. It goes away, and I roll over, falling right back into sleep. But then, it happens again.
This time, I open my eyes, adjusting a little as the light breaks through. Again, I swat around, trying to dismiss whatever is waking me up. Then I see it.
    "JJ," I groan, swatting his hand and making him let go of my hair, which is what he's been tickling me with. "It's too early."
    "It's not too early," he corrects, sitting up with far too much energy. "We just stayed up too late." He bends down and kisses my cheek."
    "Oh, is that it?"
    "Mhm," he says, kissing me another time.
    "Still, I'm trying to sleep." I close my eyes again and get snuggled in my blanket.
    "Sarah's calling you, babe. I was gonna answer, but you guys are like... total freaks. I'm too scared to hear what you guys talk about." He shivers, and I let out a sleepy laugh.
    Sitting up, I sigh. "Just give me the phone." I observe the missed call on my screen and press the notification to call the girl back. At my ear, the phone rings a few times and then finally picks up. "Hi, honey!" I say when I hear the call start. I know she's been having kind of a rough time, so I try my best to bring a happy mood. "What's up?"
    "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, I'll call later," she apologizes quickly, her voice full of guilt.
    "Oh, Sarah, no! I'm awake, it's fine. Actually, JJ's the one who woke me up, so don't feel bad." I put on a cheery voice, but glare at JJ, who's snuggling in closer to me as I reprimand him. He kisses my lips, and then my neck, and I giggle a little as I push him off of me. I mouth, stop, at him, and all he does is smirk.
    "Hi, JJ!" Sarah chirps from the phone, and it makes me smile. I love how sweet they are with each other; they're basically siblings.
    "Good morning, princess. How's that baby doing?"
"Baby's great, but they're really making my boobs hurt!" The girl falls into laughter before she can even hear JJ's response, and I look over at the boy, amused.
"Ew, gross," JJ gags, getting up from the bed and walking out of the room. I hear him yell through the hallway, "I can't stand you guys!"
    "He left, didn't he?" She asks, giggling.
    "Ran right out! Now, what's up?" There's a moment of silence between us, and I hear Sarah's breath, like she's trying to form the right words.
    "Well, John B. forgot about the appointment today, and he really felt bad, but I didn't want him to cancel his plans, and," she keeps rambling on, and I can tell she feels worse for John B. than she should. That heart of gold is her downfall.
    "So you want me to go with you?"
    She finally stops talking, taking a couple of deep breaths before responding, and then quietly, she says, "Would you?"
    "Of course I would. I'll come scoop you up after I get ready," I tell her, slugging out of bed and assessing myself in the mirror. "Give me an hour." She says goodbye and hangs up, and I walk through the house to find breakfast. Well, really just to find JJ.
"Everything good with Sarah?" JJ asks when I finally find him. He's leaning back against the kitchen counter eating strawberries straight from the flat.
"Yeah, she asked me to come to her appointment today," I tell him, leaning back against the counter next to him. He picks up a strawberry, and I accept it gratefully.
"What about John B?"
"Apparently, a few of his friends made plans with him and he forgot to check if he was busy or not."
"You can take the boy out of the treasure hunt, but you can't take the treasure hunt out of the boy," he says in a proverbial tone, shrugging his shoulders as he takes another bite of his strawberry.
"That makes literally zero sense."
"Look, the point is: he's been distracted. Is Sarah really not making him go?"
"She said he feels really bad and that he tried to cancel on you guys. Honestly, I think she's kind of happy to have a girl's day." I smile at JJ and kiss him lightly, and he pulls my waist so that my body is pressed to his.
"It's really nice how supportive you are, Kie," he says, peppering kisses to my cheek. "She's like a sister, you know?"
"Yeah, I'd do anything for her," I say with a small smile. All of a sudden, JJ stops kissing me and breaks into a burst of giddy laughter. I look at him confused, my eyebrows raised on my forehead.
"Remember when she called you a shit-talking bitch?" At this point, he's hysterical, tears practically falling from his eyes. I glare at him. "Goodness, am I glad you guys reconciled your differences."
"Never forgiving you guys for leaving us on that boat," I mutter, pushing off of him and walking out of the kitchen.
"You know you love me!"
"Sure do, shithead!"
I throw on a simple outfit and scoop my frizzy hair into a clip. Slipping on my shoes at the door, I say goodbye to JJ and start the day. I text Sarah to let her know I'm on my way, knowing she probably hasn't even gotten out of bed yet. The weather is finally warming up too, so for the first time in years, I roll the windows down and let my music pour out of them. Pure bliss.
    When I get to the Routledge's house, the windows are cracked open, and I can see the shadows of figures through them. I hear Sarah call out to John B. as she walks out of the door. "Bye, baby!" she says, and John B. kisses her before she's all the way out.
    "Hi, Kie!" she squeals, and I can't help but notice her belly poking in her dress.
    "Good morning!" I lean over to hug the girl, and when I back away, I say, "Look at that bump!"
    Sarah smiles slightly, but hides her face in her hands and groans. "Ugh, don't remind me. I feel huge."
    "It's cute! You look like a little mom!"
    "Fine, whatever. Let's go; we're going to be late." I start the car and drive off, glancing at my phone every now and again for directions.
"Have you talked to Cleo since yesterday?" I ask Sarah.
"Yeah, I just called her. She's tough, you know? If she is still shaken up, I couldn't tell over the phone."
"That's good. Last thing we need is our strongest link breaking."
The drive isn't very long, and when I pull into the clinic parking lot, Sarah lets out a deep breath.
"Ready?"
"Guess so," she sighs. She looks down at her belly quickly, running a hand over it, and then gets out of the car.
    Sarah checks in at the counter and sits in the chair next to me, bouncing her knee. The movement shakes her chair and mine, but she doesn't realize, her eyes fixed straight forward at the wall. 
    "You're freaking out," I observe, watching the girl chew on her lip.
    "Yeah. A little," she admits with a shaky breath. "Usually John B. is here. And this time something could be wrong. And it could be my fault."
    "You fell; that's not your fault."
    "Plus, it's too early for the baby to move, so I have no way of checking if it's okay or not."
    "Well, you didn't fall on your stomach. Just your side, right?"
    "Right."
    "And no cramping? Bleeding?"
    "No."
    I nudge my elbow into her. "Then I bet little alien baby is fine in there." She crosses her arms, and her face twists in a way that makes it look like she has something to say, but before she can, her name is called.
    The doctor is warm and welcoming, and I can see Sarah's breath lighten just slightly at her presence. She pushes questions about pain and any changes, and all of Sarah's answers seem to fulfill them.
    "I don't think so," Sarah responds to a question about cramps, and her voice comes out quieter than I suspect she meant it to.
    "Alright, then, let's check in on this baby." She motions for Sarah to lie down, and then spreads an extraterrestrial-looking goop across her belly. Sarah's breath hitches at the cool temperature.
    At first, everything is silent. Then, a quiet but sure thump-thump-thump radiates around the room. Sarah's eyes well instantly, and admittedly, it takes a lot for me not to cry as well.
    "Baby sounds nice and strong, Momma. Nothing to worry about there." The doctor continues to glide her doppler along Sarah's stomach, checking between the skin and her screen. "They're caught up on weight, fluids look good," she pauses then, passing her doppler back over a spot she's already checked, her eyebrows furrowing.
    Sarah tenses, and I stand up for support, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. "What?" she asks, her voice edging on primal.
    The doctor is silent, her eyes narrowing at the screen.
"What is it?" I ask, and my voice is sharp with concern.
The woman's face is reassuring and calm, but I can tell that there's something wrong.
"Sarah, it looks like you have a placental abruption," she says. She goes to say something more, but Sarah's fiery voice cuts through.
"A what? What is that?"
"A placental abruption is when some of your placenta separates from your uterine wall. They can get pretty dangerous, and sometimes even cause early labor. Yours is very small right now; not something I want you to stress about, but it could grow if you're not careful."
"So what does this mean?" My voice is hot, worried.
"You might notice some spotting and some extra cramping, but as long as you don't notice anything too excessive, you should be okay. But, Sarah, you need to rest."
Great. Exactly what she wanted to hear: she can't help anymore.
"No heavy lifting, no overexertion. You need to take care of yourself."
Sarah swallows, and I can tell that even through this newly added layer of fear, she's happy to hear that her baby is okay.
"I know this is scary, but as long as nothing changes too much, you and baby will be just fine," the doctor says confidently, printing out ultrasound pictures. Sarah's responding nod is numb. Then, as if remembering, she asks, "Do you want to know the gender?"
I already know what Sarah is thinking: she should wait for John B. So, she partially declines and instead asks for it in an envelope. The doctor prints out a slip of paper and seals it shut in an envelope, handing it to me. I hold it like it's made of glass.
"Damn, I so want to peek," I say, grinning.
"Don't you dare," Sarah growls back, sitting up as the gel is wiped from her stomach.
Walking from the room, the doctor stops in the doorway, pointing. "Don't forget, Sarah."
"She won't. I'll make sure of it," I laugh back, winking at the woman. Once she leaves, I whisper, "Guess I'm just your official babysitter now."
"Oh shut up. Let's get out of here; the antiseptic is making me nauseous." She laughs. It's weak, but it's something, and that's all that matters. I grab her hand, and we walk out of the clinic together. Together, we know that this all just got a lot more complicated.
Finally in the car, Sarah lets out a shaky breath. I can tell by the simple action that she's going to cry, so I look over, hoping to provide some comfort. Instead, I see tears running down her cheeks.
"Oh, Sarah," I hum, pulling her into a nurturing hug. "It's going to be okay."
"You don't know that," she sobs. "How am I going to tell John B? How do I tell him that our baby is at risk all because of me?"
"You do not have to be worried about John B. You and this baby are his whole world; he's going to understand."