what now? | outerbanks

• sixteen •

    "Sarah Cameron."
    I hear my name and look up from the doorknob I've been staring at for the past fifteen minutes, silently waiting for it to turn. The young blonde nurse looks around the room with searching eyes. She looks like my mother when she was younger. Kie looks at me sweetly before grabbing my hand and standing up. We walk to the nurse and she brings us down a couple of hallways and into a private room. The room is decorated with frames of cartoon characters and pictures of babies at the doctor's office, making me realize that I'm probably too old to still come to a pediatrician.
    John B. wanted to come with me- he begged, actually- but I told him he should stay. The other boys and Cleo were starting on the plans for the surf shop, and I thought he should be there. Kie volunteered to come instead, especially after our talk the day before.
The doctor walks through the door, donned in his white coat and red stethoscope; he's a man I know well. "Oh my. Well, if it isn't Ms. Sarah Cameron," he says joyfully with a small laugh. "How are you?"
"I've been better, to be honest," I laugh too even though there's nothing to laugh about.
"I saw you guys in the news the other morning, congrats." He gestures to Kie as well, and she gives him an unconvincing smile. She's never done well in the face of authority. "And I'm very sorry about your dad, I liked him."
I never know how to respond when people tell me they're sorry. You'd think after how many times he's 'died' I'd have formulated some perfect response with harmonious gratitude and sorrow. I haven't, though, so I just say, "Thank you."
He shuffles around in some cabinets and drawers before finding what he's looking for and then sits on his rolling stool in front of me, clipboard held tightly in hand.
"So, it looks like you're here for a checkup or sorts? Is that right?"
"Yes, sir. I got sh- um, I got hurt pretty badly around a year ago. We were in a pretty run-down part of town, though, so there wasn't really a hospital or anything around. Long story short, it should probably be healed by now, but it's not totally."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Does it still hurt?"
"Not as badly as before, but sometimes it can get pretty painful."
He tells me to lie flat on the table, and the paper crinkles loudly in my ears. I'm uncomfortable and cold and I would rather be anywhere else. Kie holds my hand gently and I look up at her with grateful eyes; she always knows what I need. The doctor presses on my stomach for some minutes and then sits me back up.
"So, good news and bad news. Pick one," he tells me.
"Bad news. I promise I've heard worse." It's true.
"Bad news: It definitely isn't healed properly," he stops to take a breath.
"And the good news?" Kie asks quickly and I look at her with reprimand on my face as if to tell her, 'Be patient.'
"Good news: with some ointment and pain meds, you should be fine in a couple of months."
"So, nothing is wrong?"
"Not that I can tell, but I would like to do an ultrasound just to check on things inwardly. I'll get an ultrasound tech in here in a minute; sit tight." He leaves the room and the open door lets in a gust of cold air. I shiver and I wonder if it's because of the cold or my nerves. I run my hands on either side of my face and my mind races between the possible outcomes.
"Sarah," Kie says in a warning tone. She can tell I'm nervous. "You need to stop worrying, it won't do anything."
"But I-" I try to argue.
"Nope. Non-negotiable. No worrying allowed."
    It's only a few more minutes before a younger lady enters the room, rolling a foreign machine and cart behind her. The only other time I'd seen an ultrasound machine was when my mom was pregnant with Wheezie, and even then, I was pretty young. Suddenly, I get flashbacks of my mother and her pregnancy- how she died on that table.
    "Hi, Sarah, is it?" The woman asks me, her short brown bob swaying a little as she turns to look at me. She takes me out of my trance.
    "Yes, ma'am."
"Alright, well I'm just going to check a few things, make sure everything's working right. You should be out of here in no time." She pulls a bottle from her cart and presses some buttons on the machine. "I'm going to have you lie flat, okay? This might be a little cold, but try to stay as still as possible."
When I lie down, I can't help but let a few tears from my eyes. They roll silently down my cheek and one reaches the corner of my mouth before Kie notices and puts her sun-damaged hand on my shoulder. I don't know why I'm so scared. I've never wanted kids, not after what happened to my mom, but now I can't stop thinking about it. I don't even want them right now- I want to wait at least five years- but I know John B. can't wait.
She squeezes a glob of mysterious blue goop on my belly and then glides a robotic probe over top of it, moving it slowly back and forth. She passes the probe over my wound and quickly returns to the spot directly over it, her eyebrows furrowing with concentration. She lets out a confused hum and bites one side of her bottom lip so that it turns white.
    "What? Is something wrong?" Kie asks, and it's obvious that she's worried, even though she preached so seriously against it just minutes ago.
    "Give me a minute, just checking something out here."
    "Just tell us. If something is wrong, just tell us."
    "Kie," I give her a warning tone and raise my eyebrows at her. She scoots back into her seat and crosses her arms, looking away from me and away from the technician.
"Most everything else looks perfectly healthy, but I do see a little abnormality on your right ovary here. Can I ask what kind of trauma occurred? Just to get a little more context," she asks me, continuing to slide and apply pressure to the probe on my stomach. Her nails are done in a pinky nude and she has an over-sized diamond on her finger. I look at the filthy bandana patch tied around my wrist in comparison, and remember John B. telling me we'd get real rings. I wonder when that'll happen.
"Um, I was shot, actually." She looks at me with wide blue eyes when the words leave my mouth and I can tell she cares a lot more than I do. She's obviously a Kook and this is clearly the worst thing she's ever heard happen to anyone. "It really isn't too big of a deal." I laugh a little and the look on her face is almost offended that I could find this funny.
"Well, um- excuse me. I'm going to print out some images and I'll be right back." She floats out of the door on her expensive running shoes and, true to her word, it isn't but a few minutes before she returns, a little shakier than before. Now, I'm sitting up, wiping my stomach off with a paper towel Kie found in the dispenser above the sink. "Hi, again. So, looking at these images with your doctor, it does look like the bullet grazed and damaged your right ovary."
I take in a sharp breath at the news and, realizing my assumptions, the nurse is quick to calm me down. "But, everything in your reproductive system should work as normal."
    "Really? Oh, thank God." I let out a deep, shaky breath, and for the first time in months, I truly feel free.
    "Now, things won't be perfect. You're bound to have some small issues and some monthly pain, and you're thirty percent less likely to get pregnant, but big-picture-wise, things will work."
    "Thank you, ma'am."
    "Of course, I'm glad I could help. I show you to the door, and you'll be done for the day. As always, call us if you ever notice anything weird, we'll be more than happy to check you out." We walk through the winding, blinding white hallways, Kie in front and the nurse leading from behind, and from down the hallway, a baby's cry echoes loudly. Kie opens the door with a firm push, and the warm sun instantly heats my cheeks.
    "You girls have a good day," she says quickly as the door shuts behind Kie and me. Kie doesn't respond, and neither do I, but it doesn't matter because the glass door closes before we get the chance. I stand with my eyes closed and my face turned toward the sun, holding my hands on my hips and clearing any worries from my mind.
    "You good?" Kie asks me for what feels like the hundredth time today.
    "I think so." I turn my face to her, opening one eye, but leaving the one closer to the sun squinted shut. "I think I finally am."The brunette lets out a dramatic sigh and swings her arm around my shoulder.
    "Thank God. I was worried I was going to have to be the bubbly one," she scoffs and jokingly passes the back of her hand quickly against her forehead. I push her away from me and laugh before she does it back to me and I almost fall on my side.
    "Bitch!" The two of us fall into a fit of laughter, and even if just for this moment, it feels like we're right back to where we started: just two teenage girls having fun. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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hey guys! it's sam :)))

sorry this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but the next thing happening is a little bit of a time cut, and I didn't want to start it in the middle of a chapter

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